


critical rules for not-dating

by arcanine



Series: trying to keep it cool [2]
Category: Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe, Angst, College, Denial of Feelings, F/F, Friends With Benefits, Slow Burn on the Romance, side nozoeli, this is gonna get Messy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-06
Updated: 2017-12-30
Packaged: 2018-11-06 23:29:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 77,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11046576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arcanine/pseuds/arcanine
Summary: “It’s just sex,” Nico says, and she hears Maki groan in embarrassment from the other side of the closed door. “It’s not a big deal. It’s just like being friends with benefits? Except, you know, we’re not actually friends.”Nozomi just blinks, her gaze soft but judgemental.“Ah,” she says, “That sounds... healthy?”[Because what could be simpler than casually sleeping with someone you don't even like?]





	1. proceed with caution

**Author's Note:**

> direct continuation of [this](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10770405) so i would recommend suffering through it first!
> 
> so, uh, i genuinely hadn't considered writing more of this AU. in fact i had no real ideas for more nicomaki fics and i was all, ‘ahhh it was fun while it lasted!!’ and then some kind enablers asked me if i was gonna continue this and i started thinking about it. and then i thought about it some more. and then i was like......oh god no i want to write it
> 
> i don't really do multichapter fics (or sequels? or multiple povs??) but i decided to split this one into parts for ease of editing and the sake of my own sanity, so bear with me if you can.
> 
> we’re chilling in the awkward/casual stage here, but please be warned for an eventual mess of tropes and dumb feelings because it’s nicomaki and it's completely inevitable. please forgive me for any mistakes/inaccuracies :)
> 
> [this series is being translated into Thai and can be found over [here](https://www.facebook.com/rukitori.fiction/photos/a.565703236866561.1073741830.564483353655216/1199881730115372/?type=3&theater) thanks to the super cool and kind rukitori!!]

**1\. Proceed with caution**

It’s exactly two weeks after the incident when Maki’s phone buzzes. She's working on an assignment that she lost the will to write at least three hours ago, and when she drags her tired eyes away from her laptop to check her messages, she’s completely surprised to find that it's already 10.42pm.

She's way more surprised when she sees Yazawa Nico’s name right there on her screen.

Because it's been two weeks. And despite their casually referenced intentions to maybe see each other again, they haven't contacted each other once since. And all the message says is, _hey, i’m outside!_

Maki just blinks down at it. There's no denying that the message is from Nico, but surely it's possible that she sent it to the wrong person. Maybe she's standing in the dark outside some bar right now, waiting to meet up with some poor, unsuspecting girl who was fooled by Nico's cute looks too. She does strike Maki as the kind of person who’d be careless enough to send an incorrect message without pausing to check it over first.

And it wouldn't make any sense for her to be messaging Maki now, would it? Two weeks have passed and Nico hasn’t said a word to her, which is completely fine. Maki hasn't messaged Nico either. She was hardly going to be the one to contact her first, because what would she say, anyway? _"Thank you for the shameless yet enjoyable sexual encounter. You're still annoying. Regards, Maki”_? There's no way. There are no possible circumstances under which she'd ever do something as embarrassing as that.

Admittedly, she had experienced a number of pleasurable sensations that night, and, sure, okay, _maybe_ she demonstrated a startling amount of post-coital warmth towards Nico afterwards, but Maki could hardly help it. It was a biological reaction. There were all kinds of neuropeptides working against her. How else was she supposed to react?

Three whole minutes later and Maki’s screen has long since faded to black. Her phone buzzes again. She jumps up and paces several laps around her apartment, allowing at least another two minutes to pass before she dares to return to her desk and look.

Another message. It just says _maki?????_

No doubt about it then. It was meant for her.

It takes Maki more time than it should to type, _Outside where?_

Nico replies back instantly. _your place! or at least i think so... can we talk?_

Maki takes a breath. _Who says I’m home?_

_just hurry up!!! it’s cold_

Maki has an exceptionally long list of questions and concerns, the most immediate being that she's thoroughly unprepared to invite anyone inside. There are books and papers everywhere and she’s definitely not looking her best in a pair of leggings and a comfortable, unflattering shirt. Even her hair is sticking out at weird angles, because she’s been hunched over her desk for hours and she can't shake the habit of dragging her fingers repeatedly through it every time she studies.

She thinks about inviting Nico inside. About sitting next to her on the same couch where they were...  _intimate_ and nope. No way. She can't think about that right now. Not when Nico's waiting. Waiting outside. Waiting outside Maki’s apartment. Waiting to talk to Maki.

Maki smoothes down her hair and grabs a jacket and her keys.

She's _not_ inviting Nico inside.

Maki takes a deep breath as she steps out into the brisk autumn air. Nico's waiting, just a few steps away from the entrance, illuminated by the soft glow of the light from the lobby.

The first thing Maki notices is that she looks nice. She's wearing a red dress and a tiny waist length jacket that can't possibly be doing anything to keep her warm. She has ribbons in her hair which shouldn’t look good, but doesn't look bad, and it's annoying that she's had time to prepare a suitable outfit for this occasion (not that this is an _occasion_ , really) because Maki certainly hasn’t. Maki's not even wearing the slightest bit of makeup, though thankfully she's got the kind of face that’s never really needed much.

Maki's heart does a weird lurch when she sees her, which is annoying, and she feels somewhat nervous, which is ridiculous, because it’s _Nico_ , who annoyed the hell out of her both times they met, only… only a lot happened that second time. (But, of course, she's not thinking about that right now. Not thinking about the soft sounds that Nico made, or the terribly embarrassing things that Maki said in the heat of the moment that kind of make her want to die now, just a bit.)

Nico looks up. Their eyes meet. Maki hates the way her cheeks heat up instantly, hates the way that nerves flutter in her stomach. She raises her hand awkwardly in a half-wave.

“Ahhh,” Nico says, taking a step towards her. “So you didn't move then?”

“Move?” Maki blinks, and then she remembers. “ _Oh_. Uh… no. But I'm keeping my options open.”

“Uh huh,” Nico says, grinning.

She’s even closer now, blinking up at Maki with those big eyes, like she’s one hundred percent sweet and not literally the devil. She smells as nice as she looks - aggressively girly in a way that Maki wants to hate. She should hate. Why doesn't she hate it?

“I thought you actually deleted my number,” Nico pouts. “Nico gave you the most amazing night of your life but you never called? Maki’s so cold.”

Maki flushes and glances over her shoulder. Her doorman’s within hearing distance. There are _people_ around.

She takes Nico's arm and tugs her around the corner. Talking by the entrance to the garbage disposal room isn't perfect, she'll admit, but it's better than talking where every single person entering the building can hear them.

“I didn't delete it,” Maki says, at a much more respectable volume, “I just… forgot. I've been busy. It’s not like I’ve had time to sit around thinking about you.”

Nico sighs loudly. “I thought you'd be less of a pain? Stupid, I guess, but you were kinda cute in the morning last time? I thought maybe you were just grouchy because you needed to get laid or something?”

“Why are you here?” Maki asks, sharply. “If I'm so unbearable what are you doing outside my apartment?”

Nico hums. Her lips curl into a smile.

“Wanna take a walk?” she asks.

"A walk," Maki repeats, slowly. She hesitates for a long moment.

Nico nods. “Or you could invite me inside again?”

Maki shakes her head furiously. Outside is good. Outside it's easier to focus on normal things like trees and cars and people. Easier to avoid thinking about what Nico looks like under her clothes and how precisely two weeks ago her mouth was unspeakably soft and outrageously hot and _on Maki’s body_ , not that she's considered either of these things recently, or at all, because it's not like she's some weird sex-obsessed pervert.

“I can walk,” Maki says, quickly. “ _Obviously_ I can walk. I meant I have time. To take a walk. Probably.”

She flushes as Nico snickers at her failure to communicate like a calm and collected individual.

“There's a park that way,” Maki says.

She strides ahead.

Just like last time, Nico follows her.

***

 

The atmosphere is about as comfortable as those nine minutes and forty five seconds of torture when they walked back to Maki's place last time, only it's much worse, because this time they're painfully sober, and at least last time there was a clear and mutual objective, whereas this time… this time Maki has no idea where things are going.

Nico's humming under her breath but she's not saying anything, and it's frustrating, the way she keeps gazing at her own reflection in shop windows, but avoiding Maki's eyes completely.

Maki takes a breath.

“So,” she says, “You wanted to talk to me?”

“Oh, I wouldn’t put it that way,” Nico says quickly. “It’s not like I _wanted_ to. Nico was just... in the area.”

Maki rolls her eyes, and she's about to make some comment about getting to the point, only it strikes her that behind her smug facade, Nico almost looks nervous too. It's kind of comforting to know she's not the only one who finds this really fucking weird.

So far her interactions with Nico have been nothing short of perplexing. The first time they met, Nico flirted with her aggressively, and then got so angry about a flippant remark regarding the music of idols that she basically flipped a table on Maki. The second time she acted like a total brat, but then she kissed Maki, kissed her a _lot_ , and then acted sort of weirdly sweet towards her after. And now she's here, completely out of the blue, initiating this painfully awkward meet-up and yet failing to actually _say_ anything significant. Is it any wonder that Maki's confused?

They reach the end of the street and Maki points towards a dark path lined with trees. It's creepy and quiet and the moon is bright and eerie, and Maki wonders if maybe she should have chosen somewhere more well-populated to take a late night stroll. At least she can verifiably conclude that if Nico didn't murder her in her sleep last time, she's not going to do that tonight. (Well, probably. Either way, Maki has the size advantage. She'll be fine.)

Maki jumps a little as the wind rustles the trees and makes ominous looking shadows twist across the pavement. She forces herself to take a soothing breath. She's perfectly calm and relaxed. She _likes_ walking at night. It’s just that Nico’s still quiet, which Maki thinks should be a blessing, but it kind of unnerves her. She’d rather listen to the sound of her smug, irritating voice than the sound of her own footsteps and that weird creaking sound - what _is_ that?

“H-How did you know I'd be home?” Maki asks, in a manner that's completely cool and calm.

“Lucky guess,” Nico shrugs, “You don’t strike me as a party person. And Eli’s with Nozomi at my place.”

“I have other friends,” Maki says, defensively. “In fact, I have a very full schedule. You're lucky I was home.”

Nico snorts. “I mean, I’m stuck here with you. I wouldn’t exactly call that lucky.”

Maki glares and she stops walking, just outside the fence around the playground. Her arms are sharp on her hips.

“ _You're_ the one who turned up out of nowhere and dragged me out of my nice warm apartment. And then you act like I forced you to be here? What's with that? I don’t _get_ you.”

“Um, like I said, it wasn't a special trip or anything! I just-" She glances off to the side, "Happened to be nearby...”

Maki reaches for Nico’s arm. She curls her fingers tight around it so that Nico actually _looks_  at her.

“What do you want, Nico?”

Nico’s teeth skim ever so briefly over her bottom lip. Maki’s stomach flutters. It feels so familiar, looking down on Nico like this, wanting to shake her and tell her to stop being irritating, but also to grab her by the collar of her stupid tiny jacket and - _and_ -

“Look,” Nico chirps, “The swings are free!”

She twists free of Maki’s grip and races into the empty playground.

“Of course they are,” Maki mutters, shaking her head. “There's no one else here.”

Maki takes her time following Nico, partly because she doesn’t want to appear too eager, but also because she’s tired and confused and if Nico’s going to make her wait, then Maki’s going to do the exact same.

Nico's actually swinging when Maki joins her. She leans against the cold metal frame and just watches her whiz past, hair blowing behind her in the wind like she’s an actual child.

“Maki should try too. It's fun!”

“I'm not a kid,” Maki says, watching Nico swing past her. “I didn't come here to mess around.”

“Is it tiring being so boring and serious all the time?” Nico calls out, kicking her legs.

“Is it tiring being so weird and evasive all the time?”

Nico swings past her several more times. Maki sighs loudly. She did _not_ leave her nice, warm apartment for this.

“I don't have time for this," she says. "If you want to play, go get your siblings or something.”

Nico digs her feet into the ground and steadies herself to a stop. She stares at Maki, her red eyes wide.

“You remembered,” Nico says.

Maki feels her face get warmer. “Why wouldn't I?”

Nico pats the swing beside her.

“Let’s talk,” she says.

Maki crosses her arms tighter across her chest.

“ _Sit_ ,” Nico says, forcefully. “Don't be a baby.”

“Fine,” Maki says, “But I'm not going to swing.”

She perches cautiously on the edge of the seat. Nico leans back and looks up at the stars. Maki watches her. She waits.

“I did have a reason for asking you here,” Nico says. “I was thinking about you earlier. N-Not in a weird way - just, like, about how you piss me off more than anyone I've ever met, and how you’re grouchy and impossible and you definitely don’t appreciate what a perfect angel Nico is. We're totally and completely incompatible, right?”

She smiles cheerfully and Maki just looks at her, equal parts confused and offended.

“...What’s your point?” she asks.

“My point is, university is stressful,” Nico says, gazing up at the sky again. “So, like, sometimes you have a really long day of boring classes and then you go straight to drama club and rehearse for a play that you don't even like, and you have to spend forty minutes arguing that obviously the character you're playing would wear lavender, _not_ lilac and you just wanna like,” she glances at Maki. “Blow off some steam?”

Maki nods slowly.

“I get that. I'm only here because studying got boring. You know I'd never agree to willingly spend time with you otherwise.”

“ _Exactly,_ ” Nico says.

“Exactly what?”

“It's ideal, isn't it?”

Maki frowns. “What is?”

“You don't like me. And I definitely don't like you. But we both need to keep on top of that stress thing so we don't die.”

Maki wants to point out that she copes with her university workload perfectly fine by playing piano and taking long baths and exercising regularly. She barely even notices that the expectations of her entire family are piled up on her shoulders, demanding she performs perfectly at all times. 

She wants to say all this, but she gets distracted, because Nico's looking right at her and it's heated and challenging and there's this glimmer of mischief in her eyes, and it kind of feels like maybe she's about to suggest something wild.

Maki's heart beats fast. She feels betrayed by her own body - by the twist of heat in her stomach, the way that her fingers start trembling - because there’s this shameless, carnal part of her that really, really _wants_ Nico to suggest something wild.

“Stress can cause all kinds of health problems,” Maki says, carefully.

“Right? It’s the worst.”

“Is… there anything you’d recommend? As an older student?”

“Well,” Nico says, thoughtfully, “I mean, I guess the last I felt really relaxed was when I left your place?”

Maki swallows thickly. Her heart picks up speed, and Maki didn't think it was possible for it to beat any faster. A cool breeze whips through her hair, but her whole body feels hot.

“I don’t want to date you,” she says, softly.

Nico scoffs. “Oh god, _no_. I don’t want to date you either. Can you even imagine what a nightmare that'd be?”

“So what then?” Maki asks. “What do you _want?_ ”

“I’m curious. About last time. Do you think it was just a weird, tense angry one-off thing or… or would it feel that good again?”

She watches Nico twist side to side, making the metal chains of the swing jingle.

Maki’s throat is so dry, her voice croaks a little when she speaks.

“It's hard to say. There’s no conclusive evidence either way.”

Nico’s mouth curls into a mischievous smile. She’s trouble. _So_ much trouble. She flutters her long lashes, big eyes bright.

“Wanna find out?” she asks.

It’s a terrible, terrible, _terrible_ idea. There's not a part of Maki that considers saying no.

“Now?” Maki squeaks.

“It doesn't have to be _now._ Just, like, I dunno... at some point, maybe?”

Maki steps off the swing. She looks at Nico, _really_ looks at her, and it’s hard to deny she has attractive qualities, abrasive personality and irritating mannerisms and carelessness around Italian food aside. Logically, Maki knows that engaging in a purely physical exchange with someone she doesn't particularly like for the second time is dangerous, _especially_ without the weak excuse of having consumed alcohol first. But Nico’s cute. _Hot._ And though Maki would never admit it, she has thought about it since in the darkness of her room - the way Nico tasted, the tiny noises she made, how smug she felt when she’d made Nico's knees so weak she couldn’t even stand. On a purely physical level, she made Maki feel better than she’d ever thought was possible. And she had worked more productively the next day, so it’s like Nico said, right? Stress relief.

“It’s cold,” Maki says. Her voice is embarrassingly raspy. “Shall we head back?”

Nico stands up and leans close. Her grin is wide. Her eyes are bright. She looks so devious. So _pretty._

“I was hoping you'd say that,” she says.

It's not the first time that Nico follows her home.

But it _is_ the first time that Maki pushes someone back against the cool metal wall of an elevator before the doors have even finished sliding closed.

Maki doesn’t understand this, but it occurs to her, as she tugs Nico into her bedroom and they start tugging at each other’s clothes, that maybe right now she doesn’t have to. Maybe it’s okay to want someone just because they’re warm and pretty. It doesn’t mean anything in particular, the way that her whole body reacts to the lightest brush of Nico’s fingertips, the way she wants her so bad she _aches_ , the way she’s touched herself almost every day since it happened, imagining her fingers were Nico’s tongue.

Nico pushes her back onto the bed and prowls over her.

“So," she coos, in that ultra-irritating, ultra-cutesy voice, "Is Maki ready to admit that she's glad Nico dropped by?” 

Maki tugs her closer, because she likes Nico best when her mouth is otherwise occupied. 

It’s been two weeks, but Maki kisses Nico like she’s waited a year.

 

 

 

**2\. Set clear boundaries.**

So, okay, maybe Nico went back. The important thing is she hadn't _intended_ to. She really was nearby (just round the corner! At most twenty minutes away!) and she really had been stressed, and everyone knows that stress can have a dangerous impact on your physical and emotional health, so really she was just being looking out for herself, wasn't she?

Nico mostly went over there because Maki hadn't messaged her _or_ accepted her friend request and that seemed rude. Sure, maybe they aren’t actually friends, but having access to Nico's adorable selfies and cute-yet-intellectual world views is a privilege and she hates that someone would dare to even dream of throwing that back in her face.

And she was curious, she'll admit, about the whole one-off thing. She had all kinds of meaningful questions like  _why the hell was that so hot?_ and _would it be that hot again?_ but had she planned to wake up for the second time in Maki's stupid rich girl bed? Of course she hadn't.

(But had it been totally and completely worth it? Yes. _Hell_ yes. Yes, it certainly had.)

So, sure, maybe Nico finds herself tangled up in impossibly soft sheets in the early morning light for the second time, but she’d kindly like not to be judged for that, thanks. She's a college student. It’s not a big deal. This sort of thing is totally normal, isn't it? 

Nico may well be an angelic all-rounder in terms of looks, personality and talent, but she still has her weaknesses just like everyone else. Is it a crime that Nico's weak to pretty girls and Nishikino Maki just happens to be really, really pretty?

The worse thing is the way Maki has the nerve to wake up all cute and cosy again. Nico thinks if they’re going to do this, there should definitely be some kind of ban on that kind of behaviour because when Maki squints open her eyes and makes a soft noise and nuzzles close, what’s Nico meant to do? Maki’s naked and soft and hot. Did Nico mention how _hot_ she is? Did she mention that there's no way she'd even be here, but she’s not sure she’s ever met someone as hot as Maki before?

Besides, it’s not like they're cuddling or anything. It's just two people lying facing each other. Just Maki’s face pressed against her neck, with her warm breath and her soft hair that flicks out and tickles Nico’s collarbone. And the way their legs kind of tangle together is just a spacial thing. Sure, it’s a big bed, but Maki’s so overwhelmingly close that there's not really any space for anything else.

It’s at that dangerous moment, when Nico’s lying there contently, that she realises that she could happily do this. Just turn up at Maki’s place sometimes late at night and push her back and kiss her hard without having to worry about what it means or if it’s serious or whatever. 

And as long as she ignores the part where she has to deal with Maki and her giant ego and her painfully grouchy demeanour before they get to the good stuff, it just seems ideal, really.

So she doesn't think. She just kind of blurts it out.

“We should totally do this again.”

Maki yawns. “I'm sleeping,” she murmurs. “Soon?”

Nico stretches lazily and shifts closer without meaning to. Her fingers ghost over Maki's hip. Her skin's so soft and warm.

“Not _now,_ ” she says, and Maki makes a soft grunt of disapproval. “I have work. I meant, like... in general?”

Maki shuffles back far enough that she can squint sleepily at Nico, with this perplexed look that's equal parts dumb and adorable.  

“You... want to do this?” she asks.

“I mean,” Nico says, feeling her cheeks heat up, “Aren't we already doing this?”

Maki frowns. “You mean, like,” she flushes too, “I could call you up and say-”

“ _Nico-nii, you're the most beautiful angel I've ever laid eyes upon and I'd die for the pleasure of being close to your perfect body again!”_

“Sorry,” Maki says, "I lost your number.”

Nico drags her fingers up Maki’s ribs and back down over the dip of her waist. Maki makes a soft sound and curves closer. Nico really, really likes how easy she is.

“I'd settle for, _Nico, you're perfect and I really, really want you,_ ” she murmurs by her ear.

She hears Maki take a breath as much as she feels it.

“But... just this, right? Just-” she flushes harder and lowers her voice, “Just sex?” 

“Um, yeah. Don’t call me and tell what you ate for dinner, because I literally don't care.” 

Maki moves Nico's hair gently out of the way so she can press soft lips against her neck.

"The less you talk, the better,” Maki murmurs.

“You know I feel the same."

Nico makes a startled sound as Maki's teeth scrape against her skin. 

“Message me this time,” Nico says. “We don't have to waste time on all that awkward small talk. Just call me. _Fu_ _ck_ me.”

Maki sucks in a sharp breath.

“Maybe," she says, in a weak, raspy voice, "If I find the time.”

Nico growls and drags her nails roughly over Maki's hip. “Why are you such a pain?” 

Maki’s fingers are so soft. Who gave her the _right?_  They trail along the back of Nico’s thigh and she promptly forgets how to breathe.

“Hey,” Nico says, nudging at Maki's shoulder, "I have to shower, you know."

She has to work. A later shift, she’ll admit, but she’s a busy girl. She doesn't have the time to lie around in Maki’s bed all day.

Maki flutters her eyelashes coyly. How are her eyes so pretty without makeup?

“That can wait a minute, can't it?” 

Nico's breath comes out all harsh and shaky as Maki's fingers edge closer and closer to where she needs them. Nico arches closer and she's so wet. So ready for Maki's fingers when they slip inside her.

“You're _such_ a bad influence," Nico hisses.

Maki laughs, short and harsh.

“Trust me,” she says. “You're much, _much_ worse.”

***

 

Nico has a nice orgasm and a nice shower and she steps into Maki’s small-but-fancy kitchenette feeling super refreshed.

Maki’s sitting at her table in a silky robe and reading glasses, scrolling on her phone with a thick strand of hair wound tight around her finger. There’s a notepad and a cup of coffee in front of her. When she notices Nico, she puts her phone down quickly. It’s kind of weird how the glasses make her eyes look bigger.

“If we’re gonna do this,” she says, seriously, “There have to be rules.”

“Um,” Nico frowns, “Isn't the fun part where we don't have to worry about that stuff?”

“Boundaries,” Maki says, and she taps her pen against the table for emphasis, “Are important in this kind of arrangement. I was actually just doing some research-”

Nico snorts. She leans over Maki's shoulder. Sees  _Casual Relationships_ written out on her notebook paper surrounded by several question marks.

“Oh my god," Nico laughs. "That's, like, next level nerd.”

Maki flushes hard. “M-Maybe you like to charge ahead without thinking first, but I like to make intelligent, informed decisions.”

“Oh yeah?” Nico smiles sweetly, “Did you stop to make a list before you got all drunk and up in my face at the bar last time?”

“S-Shut up,” Maki says. She points at her counter. “There's coffee.”

“Nico would love some, thanks!”

“Pour it yourself.”

“Wow,” Nico says. “ _So_ hospitable.”

Maki just huffs. “I let you sleep in my bed twice. I don't see you inviting me to your place.”

“That’s because of rule number one,” Nico says, pouring the coffee into a fancy porcelain cup with a saucer. “Don’t tell Nozomi.”

Maki nods seriously. She picks up her pen and starts to write. Nico sips the coffee and makes a face. It's sobitter.

“I don’t see the need to tell anyone _,_ ” Maki says.

Nico slides down into the chair opposite her and nods.

“Fine by me,” she says. “After all, I can't have you ruining my wonderful reputation.”

“I’d enhance it,” Maki says, grumpily. “You’d be lucky to be seen with me.”

"You got me banned from that bar. Poor Nico's never been banned from _anywhere_."

"That was you! Eli and I used to go there all the time and now I have to make excuses because I'm too embarrassed to go back!"

"Don't pick fights then," Nico sing-songs and sips her coffee.

Maki glares at her and Nico just smiles sweetly.

“So rules, huh...” Nico says, thoughtfully, “Oh, I've got one! Don't fall for Nico.”

Maki almost drops her cup.

“W-Why would I?”

“I'm charming and adorable! Why _wouldn't_ you?”

“Not gonna happen. I'd be more concerned about you.”

“Me? Trust me. You're the last person I'd ever fall for.”

Maki frowns and picks up her pen. There's something weird about seeing it written down. There’s something weird about this whole damn thing.

“There's obvious stuff too,” Maki says, "Like no dates.”

Nico crinkles her nose. “Like we'd ever want to relive that disaster.”

“And research suggested we should, uh... keep our options open.”

“Of course! The universally adored Nico-nii is far too popular to limit herself to just one person! Imagine how cruel and unfair that'd be for the rest of the world?”

“Sure,” Maki says, flatly. “They'd really be missing out.”

“Remind me,” Nico says, “How many times did you come in the last twelve hours?”

Maki flushes _such_ a pretty shade of pink.

“T-That's irrelevant. Stop saying weird stuff.”

“But, you know, Nico is super popular! Wanna see my phone? Or my friends list? Because I'll find you _proof_ -”

“Please,” Maki says, “Don't do that. That won't be necessary.”

Nico leans in close and studies Maki's face intently.

“Do you date a lot? Because I really can't imagine you dating a lot?”

“Of course I date,” Maki says, defensively, “Or I would do if I had the time. Unlike you, I'm pretty busy studying for a _real_ degree.”

Nico gasps. “You take that back, Nishikino.” 

Maki just rudely ignores her. She writes the last two points neatly on her stupid list.

“This can't be long-term,” she says.

Nico nods. Maki writes it out. _Temporary._

“I’m graduating next year anyway,” Nico says. 

“That's six months away. There's no way I'll still be interested then.”

“Same here,” Nico says. “I'm barely even interested _now_. But what can I say? Nico has needs.”

Maki looks down at her list and then back up at Nico. Her teeth worry over her bottom lip.

“Are we really doing this?” she asks.

“Don't overthink it,” Nico says. “And... don't do anything you don't want to, okay?”

“And... if I do want to?” Maki asks, softly.

“Then I guess I wouldn't hate that. As long as we stick to your dumb list we should be fine, right?”

Maki twists a piece of her hair around her finger. “This doesn't mean I like you, you know.”

" _Sure,_ " Nico sing-songs.

Nico knocks back as much coffee as she can manage even though it burns her mouth and, frankly, tastes like crap.

“Thanks for the drink,” she says, standing. “Your coffee’s gross.”

“You’re gross,” Maki says, with all the maturity of a six year old, and Nico just rolls her eyes. “I'll type up the list and send it over. Make sure to message me any additions you can think of, okay?”

Nico shakes her head.

“I can't believe we’re doing this.”

“Trust me,” Maki grimaces, “Neither can I.”

They look at each other for a long moment. Nico checks the time on her phone.

“Well,” she says, awkwardly. “Guess I better go.”

“Right,” Maki says. “Yeah. I'll... see you around.”

Nico takes a step towards her and she puts her hand on the back of Maki's chair and leans closer and closer, so her pretty eyes go wide and her face gets all flustered. Maki's takes a breath. Her lips part softly. She looks mega-pissed when Nico flicks her directly in the middle of her forehead.

“Accept my friend request,” she says, sharply.

“No,” Maki says. “Why would I do that when we're not even friends?”

But Nico gets the notification when she’s sitting on the train to work. She grins and sits up straighter and taps on Maki’s name immediately and just heads straight for her photos, for purely judgemental purposes. There's disappointingly not that much to see. There’s a couple of pretty-but-pretentious selfies, some of which are with cute girls, even some where Maki's actually _smiling._  Nico's naturally curious, so she can't help but wonder if they're just friends. It's likely she'd dated at least one of them (because come on _._ Maki must've learned how to do all that stuff with  _someone)._ There are some tagged photos, suspiciously none of which are embarrassing or unflattering. Overall it’s kind of boring. Nico clearly needs to give Maki lessons on marketing herself online and establishing her brand. 

A message flashes up on her screen right when she’s almost finished profile-judging. Nothing but an attached document -  _Rules (draft one)._

Nico sighs so loud that approximately half of the train carriage turns to look at her.

Honestly. What has she got herself into?


	2. keep it casual

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> looks like my chapter lengths will probably be about as inconsistent as my update times for this one... apologies for any mistakes as usual! 
> 
> i want to say it's gonna get less trashy but uhhhhh

**3.**   **Keep it casual**

Maki’s hunched over a thick textbook in the library when she’s startled by a rough hand that collides with the back of her shoulder. She turns around to glare, expecting it to be Rin. But it's not Rin. It's  _Nico._

Maki tugs out one of her earphones as Nico slides down into the empty chair opposite her.

“Hey,” Nico says. It’s just one word but her eyes are glimmering with mischief. Maki swallows thickly.

“Hey,” she says back. Casual tone. Keeping it cool. Good job, Maki.

“Nico-nii’s here to brighten up your day!”

She watches as Nico strikes a pose. It’s embarrassing. Maki puts the earphone back in. Nico leans across the table to tug them both out. Maki cautiously pauses her music.

“You busy?” Nico asks.

“I'm studying.”

“I meant later,” she says. Her lips curl up into that smile. “ _Tonight._ ”

Maki squirms as the girl in the seat next to her turns to look at them curiously. Nico’s voice is so loud. They're in the  _library._ It's perfectly innocent thing to say but the way she says it makes it sound all weird. Maki’s not sure what Nico’s even doing in the library. Despite being in her final year, she’s not yet seen any evidence that Nico actually studies.

Maki taps her finger against a sign that clearly states that this is a  _Quiet_   _Zone._

Nico covers her mouth.

“Oops,” she giggles.

Nico takes out her phone and starts casually checking it and Maki just watches her in disbelief. This is a designated study space, and a popular one at that. That’s a sacred sought-after seat that Nico’s needlessly occupying. She can’t just sit around here and text.

“Don’t you have work to do?” Maki asks in a hushed voice.

Nico glances up from her phone.

“I’ve got class soon. But it’s so  _boring_ ,” She flops down dramatically face-first onto the desk. “Please don't make me go.”

The girl sitting next to Nico shoots Maki an irritated look, and Maki just shrugs at her helplessly, because it's not like she can stop Nico. Maki hasn’t known her that long, but she’s pretty sure that  _nothing_ can stop Nico. Maki shrinks down into her seat, thoroughly uncomfortable with being associated with someone who apparently takes education so lightly.

She prods the top of Nico’s head with her finger.

“You’re a senior student,” she hisses. “Set a good example. Go away. Go to _class_.”

Nico sighs and hoists herself up reluctantly.

“Maki’s so mean,” she whines. She leans forward a little, and pouts her lips. “Give Nico something to look forward to at least?”

Maki winds a thick strand of hair around her finger and she looks at Nico’s mouth. It’s so pink and shiny and she’s always using it to say something annoying, but the things she can do with it should not be legal. Or thought about in a public place.

Maki reaches for her phone. She feels her face heat up as she types out,  _Should be free. But it might be late,_ and hits send. 

Nico looks down and grins.

“Cool,” she chirps, loudly. “See you tonight!”

She picks up her bag and stands, and Maki breathes out a soft sigh of relief. There's no way she can concentrate with Nico hanging around and distracting her. There’s no way she can even continue to study here, in her favourite spot, because people are looking at her now and surely,  _surely_ everyone that overheard that mustknow.

Nico winks and strides off, all bouncy and girly, her long hair swishing.

Maki just watches her leave.

_Cool._

***

 

It gets less nerve-wracking, but not less interesting.Maki adjusts to it so easily that it's concerning. It's not exactly a regular thing, because neither of them have the time or desire for that, but there's always the option. And Maki doesn't hate that.

In fact, sometimes she’d go as far as to say that she almost  _likes_ it. For example, when she’s stuck working on a group project with a particularly infuriating combination of classmates who seem to think that paying attention in class is entirely optional, all she has to do is send one tiny message and then she has the opportunity to de-stress at a later point in time. And that's convenient. It really helps to ease that temptation to strangle that girl who just looked Maki in eye, dead-seriously, and told her the best way to study is binge watching medical dramas.

She likes how there’s this element of unpredictability in her dull, tireless schedule.

Maki has friends, but she's never had a particularly thriving social life. Unlike most other students, she's never joined a club or had a part-time job. She's always focused on her studies. Things are less bothersome that way. She's become pretty accustomed to spending her time alone. So it's weird, spending time with Nico.

It's weird, that suddenly she's everywhere.

In those months between the great pasta disaster and that night in the bar, Maki didn't see Nico around once. She’d never been so thankful for their big, open campus with its numerous buildings and exceptionally large student population. It was an easy case of out of sight, out of mind. She barely gave Nico a second thought.

And now, despite the odds, she’s somehow  _everywhere_ \- invading Maki’s news feed with her constant online updates, or queueing for a drink at Maki's favourite coffee shop, or sprawled on the grass outside the arts building with Nozomi at the exact moment when Maki happens to be walking past. Maki even spots her on the poster for some theatre performance on a noticeboard outside her class, and she starts to wonder if Nico somehow put it there on purpose. Maki just can't seem to escape her.

She’s barely even surprised when she's heading home at the end of a particularly tiring week and she steps onto the busiest courtyard on campus and hears  _that_  voice that makes her stomach lurch.

“Nico Nico Nii~ Say Nico’s name tonight for discounted entry to the best bar in town!”

Maki sidesteps to dodge a brightly coloured flyer as it’s thrust into her face.

“No thanks,” she says.

Nico lowers the flyer. The big smile drops off her face. Her eyes narrow.

“Oh,” she says flatly, “It's  _you_.”

Maki glances down. Nico’s dressed in a tiny skirt and tinier lime green top which exposes a large amount of her smooth midriff. There’s a fake flower in her hair, and a pair of extra-large sunglasses balanced on her head. The temperatures haven’t exactly dropped yet, but it’s still hardly a weather appropriate outfit.

“Aren’t you cold?” Maki asks.

“Nico’s dressed perfectly. Tonight’s party is beach themed, you see!”

Maki blinks. “It’s  _October_ _._ ”

“People can go to the beach anytime, Maki. Don’t be so narrow-minded.”

Maki frowns. Nico stares at her thoughtfully for a moment, before her eyes light up in that terrifying way that Maki’s learned means she's probably about to suggest something terrible.  

“Say,” she says, slyly, “Maki’s a rich girl, right? Why don’t you go tonight and quote Nico’s name and spend lots of money?”

“Why would I do that?”

“Because you owe me. Just think all these potential customers I've missed while I've been talking to you. You’re morally obligated now.”

Maki frowns. “What kind of logic is that?”

“Here's the address. You can meet me there later. Of course, Nico gets free entry as thanks for all the promo work. I might get paid extra for bringing people in, so drink a lot, okay?”

“You want me to go to a fake beach party. In October. With  _you_?” Maki asks, slowly.

“Doesn’t that sound fun?” Nico grins.

Maki frowns. Hadn’t they said they wouldn’t go out together? It was a clearly stated in their terms and conditions, wasn’t it? Maki cross-referenced several articles on casual relationships and all of them suggested that anything that remotely resembles a date is a giant no _._ And after that utterly humiliating experience at the restaurant, and that  _other_ humiliating experience at the bar, Maki has pretty much concluded that being in a public place with Nico is something she should actively avoid for the rest of her life. In fact, she probably shouldn't stay here much longer because who knows what could happen. She should leave. Immediately.

“Take your friends,” Maki says. “There must be someone out there who’ll willingly tolerate your company.”

“They’re busy,” Nico whines, “Or broke. But you’re boring enough to be free, and rich enough to afford it. Maki’s my rich, boring savior!”

She smiles sweetly. Maki just glares.

“That’s offensive.”

“But it’s true!”

“And it’s not gonna happen. Do you remember what happened the last time we were in a bar together?”

“This time will be different.You don’t have to stare indecently at Nico from across the room because I’ll already be right there up close!”

“I’m leaving,” Maki says. 

“Just  _think,_ ” Nico says, catching Maki’s arm dramatically, “Think about poor, innocent Nico standing in the cold handing out all these flyers, night after night - always on the outside, looking in...”

“A sad story,” Maki says. “Not my problem.”

“ _And,_ ” Nico says, and her big, tearful eyes have already been replaced by a sly expression. “I’ve heard rumours that at least twoof the members of the popular idol group East Heart like to go there on weekends and I need to confirm it. Don’t deny me my dreams, Maki!”

She sweeps the back of her hand against her forehead and sighs dramatically. Maki didn't even know people actually did that in real life.

Maki sighs loudly. “This is why I hate theatre students.”

Nico makes a loud  _hmph_ sound.

“Fine,” Nico huffs. “Don’t go. I was just trying to do you a favour and show you life exists outside of the library, but it’s fine. There are plenty of people out there who’d die for the chance to dance with Nico. I’ll take one of them instead.”

Maki frowns. She thinks of what a pain it’d be, supposing Nicodoesfind someone else to spend the evening with. She’d definitely spend the majority of their nextmeet-upexaggerating about how popular she is, and Maki would have to put a lot of effort into keeping her quiet. And the other option where Nico doesn’t find anyone and calls Maki up in the early hours in the morning for a  _get together_ of the adult variety sounds equally annoying, because then she’ll have no time toprepare _._

Maki crosses her arms tightly.

“I’m not going to dance,” she says. “And I’ll probably hate it and go home early.”

Nico winks. “Don’t worry, Grandma. I’ll get you home at a respectable time.”

“Nico. You’re  _older_ than me.”

Nico touches Maki’s arm and smiles up at her.

“Hey, Nico’s gonna look super cute, so wear something pretty, okay?”

Maki’s not sure exactly what she’s agreed to, but she knows that she already regrets it.

***

 

The bar’s entirely as terrible and tacky as Maki expects it to be.

It’s crammed full of ugly decor that Maki supposes is meant to appeal to people who are feeling nostalgic that summer’s over. The strobe lighting is bad enough on its own. Was there any need top it off with inflatable palm trees and bartenders in Hawaiian shirts and tropical plants that will certainly die if they’re left any longer in such a dark, dingy space? The only redeeming feature of the evening is that Nico’s dressed more sensibly than she was earlier or, at the very least, she’s wearing an entire dress this time. Maki keeps spotting her on this promotional image that’s scattered around the bar, drinking from a coconut with several other girls in bikinis. Despite some obvious and unsettling Photoshop work that’s been done around her chest area, it’s a good picture. But it’s not like it's distracting or anything. Maki barely notices it, actually.

What she doesnotice is how annoying the music is. Maki would like to say she has an open-mind towards all kinds of music, but she really doesn't care for the loud, bass-heavy sounds that are currently being blasted from the speakers in attempt to lure people into flailing their limbs around wildly and calling it dancing. The dance floor is embarrassingly empty, with the exception of three middle aged women who seem to be having the time of their lives. Nico looks displeased as Maki slides into a seat and shakes her head when Nico tries to drag her towards them. Maki's not compromising on that one.

So far, Nico has not only dragged her here, but she also made her say that stupid Nico-Nico catchphrase on the door for a discount that Maki had neither wanted nor needed. Then she had the nerve to point out that Maki's beautiful figure-flattering black dress wasn’t beachy enough.  _Then_ , she promised Maki they’d definitely have any drink she wanted, but the bar staff had just blinked at her in confusion when Maki had asked if they stocked that imported tomato flavour gin that she favours.

So, now she’s sipping some common house brand gin and tonic and avoiding putting her arm anywhere near that questionable sticky substance on the table, watching Nico as she leaps up and dashes across the room to grab a selfie with some girl who may or may not be a D-list celebrity.

Nico slides back into her seat, and Maki just looks at her. She has no idea what to say. In fact, this whole thing is a terrible idea. She has nothing in common with Nico. They're not friends, not lovers, and their only mutual interests seem to be (very different genres of) music and a mutual enjoyment of oral stimulation. She has no idea why she agreed to this.

Maki looks up and Nico’s staring at her with a scrunched up face.

“What are you doing?” Maki asks, voice raised so she’s audible over the music.

“Being you,” Nico says.

She frowns more and wraps a piece of hair around her finger and starts twisting. Maki uncoils the strand of hair that she hadn't realised was wrapped around her own finger and crosses her arms tightly.

“I don't look like that.”

“Um, yes you do. You’re all,” Nico furrows her brows comically. “Stop being so uptight and relax!”

Maki frowns. She wants to ask just how she’s supposed to relax when Nico dragged her here and they have nothing to talk about and Nico had the nerve to turn up looking all sparkly and pretty and kind of weirdly grown-up? There’s not a single aggressively girly bow in sight and Nico  _loves_ her stupid tiny bows.

“So,” Nico says. “How's that project going?”

“Terrible,” Maki huffs. “I hate everyone. I'd honestly rather be stuck working with  _you_.”

“Whoa there. Be careful. That might be the nicest thing you've ever said to Nico.”

“There’s this girl that asked me if the scapula is something you cook with. And this gross guy that keeps trying to hit on me.”

Nico laughs. “Oh my god, so there was this girl in my third year and she was like, okay guys, the deadline’s a month away but we need to get it finished by next Tuesday at the latest so we're properly prepared and I was just like,  _ugh,_ and-” Maki shifts guilty. “That’s you, isn't it? You're that person.”

“I'm not  _that_ bad.”

“Good job we’re in different years, huh? We may have actually killed each other.”

“We wouldn't have been paired together,” Maki says. “Since some of us are studying real subjects.”

“Excuse me?” Nico snarls. She adopts a defensive posture in split seconds. It's about as intimidating as being threatened by a fluffy rabbit.

Maki feels herself smiling. “I don't mean it. My parents may not agree, but I think there’s plenty of merit to studying the arts, actually.”

Nico tilts her head to the side and just stares at Maki, cautious like she might fire off another insult, surprised like she might have almost said something nice. Her eyes are so big. She looks unreasonably cute. 

Maki finished her drink in one mouthful, even though it’s unpleasantly fizzy, and not nearly as tomato-infused as she'd like.

“Let’s get another drink,” Maki says.

Nico grins.

“I thought you'd never ask,” she says.

***

 

They accidentally end up in a dance circle with the middle aged women, which Maki finds dreadfully embarrassing but Nico seems to love _._ One minute, Maki’s lined up at the exceptionally busy bar, with Nico right behind her, pressed all the way against her, and then the guy behind the bar recognises Nico and pours them some disgusting free shots. The next minute, a song that’s not entirely terrible starts to play, and Maki taps her foot a grand total of two times before Nico grabs her by the hand and drags her towards the now-much-busier dance floor, into the messy crush of people, and somehow, apparently, they end up making friends.

Nico takes pictures with all three of the women and makes conversation with them over the music and there's this moment where they all make a circle around her and clap while Nico dances in the middle and Maki kind of wonders if Nico’s a real person, because who  _does_ that? Who does anything other than sway awkwardly from side to side, and scowl whenever someone dances too close and spills drops of lukewarm beer onto your expensive shoes?

It's not that Maki can’t dance. She’s just never really had the opportunity to do so. She took a few ballet classes when she was very young, but she was always too busy with her studies and her piano lessons to properly pursue it. She’s always suspected she’d be good at it, should she ever have the desire to try - she has good athletic ability, good natural rhythm. It’s not that Maki can’t dance, it's more that she doesn't want to. So she’s exceptionally relieved when the drunk women finally leave.

“My new best friends,” Nico shouts, over the music. She laughs and shows Maki one of the photos she’d taken with the three of them as she uploads it.

“You're so weird,” Maki shouts back.

“It’s called being  _friendly_. You need to relax!”

That’s easier said than done, when Nico digs her fingers into Maki’s hip and tugs her closer. A song starts playing and Maki thinks it must be by some popular idol group because Nico squeals and taps Maki’s arm multiple times in succession.

“This is such a good song!” she shouts in Maki's ear.

This weird thing happens when Nico moves. She somehow she manages to look good under the changing lights, so fluid and relaxed, so weirdly graceful. Maki’s pretty sure she’s doing the actual routine that goes with the song, and shouldn’t that look super embarrassing? It shouldn’t look good, should it? Maki finds herself relaxing, just the tiniest bit, because Nico’s got this energy - this genuine sense of enjoyment - that makes it difficult to sulk and have a bad time. She tries to teach Maki the steps, and Maki just rolls her eyes and shakes her head, and then the chorus loops for the third time, and Maki realises that no one else is watching her, and she finds herself joining in. She finds herself smiling.

So Maki dances, and she doesn't completely hate it. She  _almost_ likes some parts. She likes the way Nico’s eyes flare with heat when Maki touches her waist and feels the warmth of her skin through the thin material of her dress. She likes the way they get more daring - how it starts with the sensuous sway of Nico’s hips, and then it’s light fingers that make Maki's skin tingle as they trail up her arm, or skim over the skin just below her neck, just above the zipper to her dress. She likes the way they gravitate closer and closer, how her breath comes out sharp when she thinks about what would happen if she kissed Nico right here, if she pressed her whole body against hers. She likes the subtle teasing touches, and then suddenly it's too much - suddenly it's not enough - and Maki breaks and grabs Nico's arm and leads her through the crowd and out of the back door, into the cool night air.

They stumble out of the door and nudge their way through a bunch of smokers and some annoying guy wolf whistles and Maki’s not sure if she’d be more offended if they were whistling at her or at Nico, but she doesn’t care.  _She doesn’t care_.

Nico takes her hand and drags her around a corner to a hidden little dip in the wall and then Maki’s got her pressed up against the bricks so forcefully it must hurt a little, but she doesn’t complain, just tugs Maki close and bites her lip  _hard,_ like that first time they kissed, only this time there’s no security guy to stop them.

There’s not much to stop them, to be honest, though maybe there should be, Maki thinks, as she kisses Nico, all wet and messy, fingers trailing dangerously high on her thigh.

Maki’s never considered herself to be a slave to her sexual impulses - in fact, it’s not something she’d ever particularly given much thought to before she started university. But there’s something about Nico that just  _gets_ to her, pushes her over the edge in a way that no one else has. And that’s risky. It leads down a dangerous road. It leads to kissing someone against a wall outside a tacky student bar, and Maki needs to leave right now, because Nico sounds so pretty gasping into her mouth and Maki is a respectable citizen, not some wild sex-crazed fiend, so she's leaving. Right now.

“Time to go,” Maki says.

“But I didn’t see anyEast Heart members,” Nico pouts.

“Fine,” Maki rasps. “Stay here.”

Nico flutters her eyelashes. “Nico will go if you admit how much you want her. That she’s all you think about. That you can’t wait to-”

Maki takes her hand again as she pulls her back around the corner, past the smokers who give them a long look which suggests they totally  _know._ It makes Maki want to die right there on the spot, but then she looks at Nico’s pink flushed cheeks and decides that right now, she doesn’t care about much more than pushing Nico back onto her bed and tasting how wet she is.

“See,” Nico says, grinning up at Maki, “What did I say? Fun!”

All Maki can think of as they climb into the back of a cab are the multipleways she plans to wipe that smug smile off her face.

Nico may well be the worst person she’s ever met.

Maki’s long since accepted that, against all logic, she somehow wants her anyway.

 

 

**4\. Don’t introduce them to your friends**

Nozomi catches Nico when she’s making breakfast. She’s just sly like that. She knows that Nico would never skip out on such an important meal, so she often preys on her in her weak and uncaffeinated state.

But this time she doesn’t want her help at the shrine or to coerce her into being a participant in some weird parapsychology experiment.

This time it’s about Eli.

“So,” Nozomi says, leaning up against the counter, “Elicchi’s birthday is coming up.”

“Oh,” Nico says, chopping her vegetables with expert precision. “The first birthday since you got together, huh? That’s kind of a big deal, isn’t it?”

Nozomi blushes and pours herself some of Nico’s coffee without even asking. Nico’s about to tell her off for it when she pours a second cup and slides it in Nico’s direction.

“I want things to be nice for her,” Nozomi says. “She’s planning on inviting some friends to go bowling. Isn’t it cute that Elicchi loves bowling?”

“Uh huh,” Nico says, “Adorable.”

“And she’s planning on inviting you and obviously we’d  _love_  for you to be there, but, I just - I wanted to warn you,” Nozomi looks her in the eye, dead-serious. “Maki’s going to be there.”

Nico’s knife comes down so forcefully on the chopping board that she almost loses a finger.

She fixes her smile in place.

“Who?” she asks, innocently.

“Maki,” Nozomi says. “Cute redhead. Hates you. Suffers from post-traumatic spaghetti disorder.”

“Oh,” Nico laughs, loud and nervously. “Right, right. That Maki...”

“I know you two don’t get along much, but we’d love it if you could make it, though obviously you don’t have to-”

“No,” Nico says, “It’s cool. I’ll go.”

Nozomi’s eyebrows shoot up.

“You will?”

“Sure. Why not? There's no need to look so surprised.”

“Nicocchi. Last time you saw her you looked me in the eye and said,  _I want Nishikino Maki to die._ ”

“I did not!”

“You asked the girl at the bar to find you the number for a hitman.”

“Stop exaggerating! Yes, she's the most infuriating person on the planet, but I happen to be very mature, you know. I can handle it.”

“Really?” Nozomi says, suspiciously.

“I'm doing this for you!” Nico snaps, aggressively lining up plates on the counter. “I just thought I'd try make an effort with your girlfriend because I'm such a good friend? But, if you don’t want me to be there, I’ll happily stay home.”

“Of course we want you there. Elicchi and I were just concerned given your, uh... _history_.”

“What history? It's really not a big deal. I'll just avoid her. And as long as she doesn't look in Nico’s direction, Nico will be fine.”

“You’re really taking this much better than I expected.”

“What can I say? Nico’s a perfect, kind-hearted angel.”

Nozomi narrows her eyes.

Nico shoves a generous plate of perfectly cooked breakfast into her hands.

“Shut up and eat,” she says.

Nozomi accepts the food graciously. But she still has the nerve to spend the whole meal watching Nico curiously from across the table.

***

 

It starts in a weirdly similar way to that fateful night at the bar. Nico gets ready with Nozomi, takes the train with Nozomi, strolls confidently into the bowling alley because she knows she looks adorable with Nozomi. Nozomi locks her dreamy gaze on Eli in the same way that she did before, only this time she's waymore self-assured as she heads over there and greets her with a grin.

Nico smiles pleasantly at the group of girls she’s mostly never seen before, one of whom just happens to be Maki. She looks pretty, in her long, flowy skirt with her stupid shiny hair, like she’s just stepped out of a salon or something. She freezes up when she locks eyes with Nico, and she looks away quickly, and geez, is she  _blushing?_ Get it together, Maki. There's no need to be intimidated by Nico’s natural radiance now, is there?

Nico turns away swiftly and taps Eli on the shoulder.

“Happy birthday!”

“Thank you,” Eli smiles. “I'm so pleased you could make it.”

Eli’s smile is warm and gracious as Nico pushes a small homemade cake in adorable box into her hands. She doesn't exactly know her well enough to go all out with a thoughtful gift, but she wouldn't dream of showing up at someone's birthday celebration empty handed, and who doesn't like cake?

Eli’s grin wavers a little when she spots Maki lingering a few steps away. Her cautious gaze flicks between the two of them.

“Nishikino,” Nico says, with a forced, friendly smile. “Nice to... see you again.”

“Yazawa,” Maki nods, avoiding Nico’s eyes quite spectacularly.

It's probably the most polite exchange they've ever had in front of Eli, and it seems to reassure her that they're not going to start a fist fight in the middle of a bowling lane, at the very least.

“Everyone's here,” Eli says, and she's kind of adorably excited. “We should go bowl!”

Nico's kind of jealous that Eli still looks effortlessly cool in bowling shoes. Nico gets stuck with a particularly ugly pair that clash spectacularly with her socks and her shorts, but she doesn’t complain. She decides not to outshine Eli just this one time, as a birthday favour.

They end up splitting into teams. Nozomi links her arm through Nico’s and drags her off to the lane on the left, at the exact moment that Eli guides Maki over to the right. Nico doesn’t need their help. She would’ve deliberately picked the team that Maki's not on anyway. She was already planning on fiercely avoiding any eye contact with her for the entirety of the evening. It really seems like the best way to hide that they've kind of seen each other naked on multiple occasions.

They both end up bowling second for their team. They lock eyes as they meet between lanes to pick up a ball. Their hands touch as they reach for the exact same one - smooth and shiny, metallic pink.

“That one’s Nico’s,” Nico chirps, pressing her hand down hard.

“Can you even lift it with those tiny arms?” Maki asks.

“You're just nervous because I’m going to beat you,” Nico says. She leans in closer.

Maki snorts. “The only way you'll win is if you use one of those kid’s frames.”

“Hurry up!” Nico turns to look as a redhead on Maki’s team starts bouncing around. “Rin wants to bowl too, nya!”

Maki uses the moment of distraction to take Nico’s bowling ball.

Nico’s not going to forgive her for that.

***

 

Maki’s team win, but it’s an unfair victory. Nico would've definitely switched teams if she’d known that Eli bowls ninety percent strikes, and that redhead is both un-humanly energetic and athletically inclined. But it's not like she’s bitter or anything. She had a perfectly pleasant time over on her team with Eli’s sister and that intimidatingly serious Sonoda girl, who’s either rude enough to not remember Nico or kind enough not to mention it.

Nico’s minding her own business and putting on her jacket ready to head on to the next place when Maki steps right in front of her and smirks.

“I told you to go with kid’s frame,” Maki says. “Bet you wished you’d listened.”

“Shut up! I’m gonna wipe that smile off your face later when you’re-” She spots Nozomi, lurking close, “When you’re cowering fear after I beat you at whatever we do next.  _Yeah_. Just you wait, Nishikino!”

She waves her fist weakly and spins on her heel, linking her arm through Nozomi’s.

“Let’s wait outside,” she says.

She takes a deep breath as they step out onto the busy street. Nozomi leans back against the cold brick wall.

“Having fun?” she asks.

“Yeah,” Nico says. “I hate losing though. Next time Team Nico will have to go harder!”

“She kept looking at you,” Nozomi says.

“Who?” Nico asks, and Nozomi just arches a cryptic eyebrow.

“You know who.”

“If people wanna stare, it can't be helped. After all, I am a total cutie.”

“You were looking at her too.”

“She was sitting opposite me. Don't make it into a thing, Nozomi. I was probably just glaring. Like you said, we have a painful, spaghetti related history.”

Nozomi hums thoughtfully.

“The atmosphere between you two has changed quite a bit.”

“H-Has it? I think it’s just the same loathing as always.”

“It’s weird. Like all the tension has gone _?_ ”

Nico feels her cheeks heat up when she thinks about the reason for  _that._ She turns away and looks up, like she’s suddenly super interested in a brightly lit sign.

“People change, Nozomi.”

Nozomi opens her mouth to say more, but thankfully Eli steps out through the automatic doors at that precise moment, followed by the rest of her friends.

“Are we ready to go?” she says. “Rin suggested the arcade.”

“Sounds good!” Nico chirps.

She charges ahead, without sparing a glance back at Nozomi orMaki.

Trust Nozomi to be suspicious when she doesn't need to be!

***

 

Nico makes a point of barely looking at Maki for the rest of the evening. Not when they all cram into a photobooth, or when she’s gloating over beating anyone who’ll accept her challenge on the dance game, or even when they both get dragged into a particularly competitive doubles air hockey battle with Nozomi and Eli. 

She continues to be cool and inconspicuous even when they’re all sitting in their karaoke booth, though she has to admit, she sneaks a glance or two at Maki when she sings. Because she’s good.  _Really_  good. Like, genuinely phenomenally pitch-perfect-performance good, in a way that takes Nico’s breath away, just a tiny bit, though she’d never, neveradmit that because it's not  _that_ unusual. Nico's a performer. She's often surrounded by people who are almost as talented as she is.

Maki drops down into the empty space beside Nico when Nozomi stands to duet some sappy love song with Eli.

“As expected,” Maki says, in a voice that’s dripping with infuriating smugness, “I got a perfect score.”

“Well, I’m going to score higher,” Nico hmphs.

She sips the remains of her cheap, watered-down cocktail aggressively. Maki reaches for her own drink, crosses one leg demurely over the other.

“Why are you sitting next to me?” Nico asks.

“It was my spot first.”

“You left. It's Nico’s spot now. Find somewhere else.”

Maki gestures around the room. “There are no other seats free!”

“Sit on the floor then,” Nico says. “All the way over there.”

“I’m sitting here. Deal with it.”

Nico hmphs and sucks at her straw again, though all she gets is a pathetic noise that makes it clear that her glass is empty. Nozomi twirls Eli around in front of them and Maki snorts.

“They're so gross,” she says.

“Nauseating,” Nico agrees. “They can sing though,” she pauses. “So can you. You’re actually really good? It surprised me.”

“Of course I am,” Maki says, so smug that Nico regrets saying anything. “I’m musically gifted.”

“Oh yeah?” Nico says. “You play piano, right?”

“Yeah. Though I don't practice as often as I should these days.”

“Play for me some time,” she says, “I wanna hear.”

Maki’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise.

“I might be rusty,” she says. “But… I could do that?”

Nico catches herself smiling. She composes herself swiftly.

“I just want to judge this so-called musical talent for myself, that’s all. But you’d better not play something boring. I hope you're ready for my voice, by the way. It’s totally angelic.”

“I hope it's better than your bowling,” Maki says, and she  _winks._ What's with that?

Nico shoves her shoulder. Maki pushes her back. Nico bumps against her again, only this time she kind of just leansthere, because it's comfortable and Maki's arm is soft and warm, and Nico should stop doing weird things like leaning against _Maki_ when her most meddlesome friend could spin around at any moment and call her out for it. It's just weird, the way that Maki looks at her. Right now it's kind of easy to forget that there are other people in the room.

The last few notes of Nozomi and Eli’s love-struck duet fade out, and Nico shifts a safe distance away from Maki before Nozomi turns back around. She thinks it must be time for one of the sixteen songs she queued up, but Eli’s soft spoken sister squeaks as the name of her song shows up instead.

“The next song,” Nico huffs. “Just wait until then.”

“There's plenty of time left,” Maki says. “I'm sure you'll get the chance to sing.”

“Just you wait. It's gonna be the most beautiful sound you ever heard.”

Maki rolls her eyes, but then she smiles, and it's weird and soft, and Nico doesn't like the way it makes her heart flip, though of course it’s only because it's such a rare and unusual sight. Nico smiles back before she can stop herself. It’s really, really weird - this almost civilised exchange of words, hanging out in a way they haven't ever done before. It needs to stop. It needs to stop right now because there are other people in this small dim room, and those people have eyes and opinions, damn it.

The moment’s interrupted when a small and energetic short-haired redhead comes flying towards them.

“Makiiii,” she yells, and she may not be much bigger than Nico, but wow, she can project her voice.

She drops down onto the sofa between them, practically sitting on Maki’s lap until they shuffle far enough apart to make room for her.

Nico watches as the girl nuzzles close to Maki and makes a weird noise. (Is she  _purring_?) Maki just pushes her away and blushes and, wow, she's so easy to fluster.  Does she always get all pathetic and soft at the first sight of a cute girl? And that redhead - talk about coming on way too strong. There's no way Nico would ever be so obvious.

“I ordered snacks!” the girl says, loudly. She turns to Nico. “Ah! Who’s this? Your girlfriend?”

They both stutter out a no faster than anyone could rightfully expect.

“I don't have one,” Maki says. “You know that. This is Yazawa.”

“ _Nico,_ ” she corrects. “Star of the drama club. You may have heard of me.”

“Ah,” the girl chirps. “I'm Rin! Are you a freshman?”

Maki has the nerve to snort.

“No,” Nico says, through gritted teeth. “Actually, I'm in my final year.”

“No way,” Rin gasps. “So, you're really not Maki’s secret girlfriend?”

“I told you,” Maki snaps, “I don't have one.”

“But I always see you looking at your phone and smiling and at first I was like, okay, Maki's discovered those videos of cat playing pianos, because who doesn't love cats playing pianos, but now I have to wonder...”

She narrows her eyes. Maki flushes harder.

“I don’t smile at my phone and I don't have a secret girlfriend and if I did it certainly wouldn’t be Nico!"”

Rin looks between them.

“Shame. You’d make a cute couple. Later!”

Nico watches her bounce right back to Nozomi. They engage in an intense-looking conversation with a number of unsubtle glances at the two of them.

Nico shuffles an even more respectable distance away from Maki and whips out her phone. She wishes Nozomi would stop sticking her nose in, because there’s nothing going on between her and Maki, or, okay, there kinda isbut that's none of Nozomi’s business. She’s about to stomp over there and give her a piece of her mind or at least send her a passive aggressive text when one of her songs  _finally_ pop up.

Nico leaps up dramatically. She grabs a microphone and strikes a pose, and like everything she does, she gives it her all.

When she turns around to courtesy daintily at her adoring audience at the end of her outstanding performance, Maki’s smiling softly again.

***

 

“Where next?” Eli asks, as she stumbles out into the cool air. She seems more carefree than usual, and Nico thinks she’s had a few too many free birthday drinks. She leans against Maki, blonde hair tumbling over her shoulder. “The usual place?”

“Sorry, but I'd better head back,” Maki says. “I've got a lot of reading to catch up on.”

Eli turns to Nico, who’s walking a few steps behind.

“How can you hate her? She’s so smart.” She prods Maki's cheek, “And just look at this  _face_ -”

“M-Maybe you should head back too, Eli,” Maki says.

“I’m fine,” Eli says, standing up straighter and putting on her best class representative face. “Honestly.”

Maki wraps an arm around her shoulder as she almost trips over a dip in the pavement.

Maki turns to Nozomi. “She needs water. Lots of it.”

“On it,” Nozomi says.

“I’m  _fine,_ ” Eli says, again. She starts saying something else, and Nico thinks she’s speaking Russian. Nozomi and Alisa pry her gently off Maki.

“Take care of her,” Maki says.

“We’ll take her home soon,” Alisa nods.

Maki nods back and waves goodbye.

Nico watches her walk away.

“Well, Nicocchi?” Nozomi says. “Wanna join us for a nice sensible glass of water?”

“I got stuck with the early shift,” she says, shaking her head. “So I probably better go get some beauty sleep.”

“Oh,” Nozomi says. “Want me to come back with you?”

“Don't be silly. Look after Eli. See you tomorrow?”

“Sure,” Nozomi says, watching her carefully.

“Thanks for coming!” Eli calls out, waving.

Nico smiles as she waves back.

Maki’s waiting a safe distance away, not too far down the street, just casually leaning there being quiet and pretty.

“Hey,” Maki says, looking up from her phone.

“My place,” Nico says. It’s not a question.

***

 

“It's so pink?” Maki says, eyeing up her room cautiously.

Nico twirls. “Cute, right? I decorated it myself!”

She hadn't been able to do much with the kitchen and living area she shares with Nozomi, but she'd put a lot of effort into getting her room perfect.

“Isn’t it a... bit of an eyesore?”

Nico huffs loudly. “Nico invites you into her home and you have the nerve to make fun of it?”

“It’s all the idol stuff. This is genuinely disturbing, Nico.”

“It’s nice!”

“How can you sleep with them watching you? It's creepy.”

“ _You're_ creepy.”

“Good one,” Maki says. “That must've taken a lot of thought.”

“Shut up,” Nico says.

She switches on her cute fairy lights and switches off her bright light.

“ _See_ ,” she say, defensively. “Adorable.”

“Your bed is tiny.”

“Sorry we can't all be privileged like you.”

Maki sits down on it. She bounces cautiously.

“I can never sleep on cheap mattresses,” she says.

Nico sits down beside her and trails the tips of her fingers along Maki's arm.

“I don’t remember asking you to sleep.”

Nico thrives off that face that Maki makes when she leans in close - the initial surprise, then that heat in her eyes, how pretty her long lashes look as they flutter closed. Nico’s been  _dying_ to put Maki in her place all night, desperate to get to her without everyone watching. She’s so close their lips are almost touching when Maki gigglesright in her face.

“What?” Nico leans back and shoots an offended glare in her direction.

“Sorry. Your hair. It tickled.”

Nico unties it and lets it fall loose.

Maki reaches out and trails her fingers lightly through the ends of it.

“You have nice hair,” she says.

“You’re being weirdly affectionate?”

Maki tugs her hand back quickly.

“I’m just in a good mood. I had fun beating you at everything.”

“Uh, that air hockey table was rigged. So was the karaoke. And the bowling lane.”

Maki laughs, short and arrogant. “Whatever you have to tell yourself.”

“Don’t get used to it,” Nico growls. “We both know I'm way better at this stuff.”

Maki just smirks. “I’d happily prove you wrong again.”

Nico climbs into her lap and pushes her back onto the bed. Her ancient mattress creaks.

“Try it,” she whispers.

They've got pretty good at the whole casual thing. Good at snarled comments and sharp teeth, at rough hands that roam under shirts and tug at clothes. Nico’s learned all sorts of useful facts about Maki in the short time they’ve been doing whatever _this_ is. She’s learned that Maki falls apart fastest when Nico mouths at her neck, and that her chest is particularly sensitive. That it takes her a few minutes to warm up and stop being self-conscious, but when she does her voice is loud and perfect.

They're progressing to the kind of place where Nico knows what to expect.

So when Maki kisses her lips and her neck, it’s not like that’s anything new. But there's something unnerving about how  _soft_ she is, how gently she helps Nico out of her shirt, the way she giggles when Nico’s hair gets caught around a button.

“I always wonder,” she says, touching Nico’s bra. “Why do you insist on having bows on everything?”

“It’s cute,” Nico says.

“You’re ridiculous,” Maki says, shaking her head. But then she smiles again, and it seems so weirdly genuine.

And that kind of freaks Nico out.

Nico prods her chest. “Why are you smiling so much?."

Maki fixes her face so it's stoic and serious, and Nico laughs, because she looks so dumb, and then Maki joins in, and it's _weird_. They shouldn't hang out together. That should be a rule, or maybe it already is? Hanging out with friends, like they  _are_ friends, kind of blurs the lines a bit. It makes Maki sweet. And Nico doesn't want her to be sweet.

She doesn't want to know about this side of Maki. Doesn't want to know that she’s a good singer with a cute laugh and several large moles in an adorably kissable location on her back. She doesn't want to think of Maki as anything other than irritating and smug and privileged.

Because that leads them right into this weird place where they make out in Nico’s tiny bed and it's not harsh and heated and urgent, but slow and soft and giggly. That leads them into this weird place where Maki touches Nico’s hair and her face and says Nico’s name like it means something.

And that. That’s confusing.

Nico’s always had big ideas for what she'd do when she finally got Maki in her empty apartment but now she's here she doesn’t really want to do anything more adventurous than press her fingers down the front of Maki’s silky underwear into wet heat and make her gasp.

And she gasps so softly. She looks at Nico so earnestly, her eyes filled with warmth.

She's so _cute._

“You’re weird tonight,” Nico whispers.

Maki laughs softly. “Is that some weird attempt at dirty talk? Because honestly, that’s terrible.”

“No,” Nico says. She drags her fingers and Maki's hips arch up off the mattress. “You’re just-” Maki moans. “Is this-”

“Take your own advice and stop thinking.”

Maki's fingers slide down the front of Nico's shorts. Nico couldn't think about anything else if she tried.

***

 

“I told you,” Maki says, pulling on her shirt. “You shouldn’t eat so late at night.”

“I know, but I'm so hungry. We worked up such an appetite? And all those empty cupboards at your place make me think you need to eat something decent for once.”

Maki just shrugs. “There's lots of nice restaurants nearby. I usually just order takeout.”

Maki bends over to grab her skirt. Nico stares at her lean body.

“How are you even in  _shape?”_

“I understand the principles of a balanced diet. That includes not eating after midnight.”

“Oh, whatever,” Nico says. “You'll change your mind when you taste Nico’s cooking!” She swings open her bedroom door, and looks back at Maki. “It’s time to show you what  _real_  food tastes like-”

She stops when she hears it. The soft but deliberate sound of a throat being cleared.

Nico’s head whips around. Nozomi just smiles at her from the couch. Eli’s lying with her head in her lap, cuddling a bottle of water. Nozomi puts down her book and sits up straighter. And Eli, of all people - polite, mature Eli - looks at them both standing startled in the doorway and she  _laughs_.

Maki darts back into Nico’s room and slams the door closed. Nico wants to sink into the floor and die.

“You're home,” Nico says. “W-When did you get home?

“Oh, a while ago now?” Nozomi says, cheerfully. “Guess you didn't hear us come in?”

Nico swallows thickly.

“So, funny story. Maki and I just happened to end up walking back together and, uh, she was, uhhh, locked out of her apartment and-”

“How long has this been a thing?” Nozomi asks.

“It’s not a thing!” Nico insists. “Maki, is this a thing?”

“Nope,” Maki calls out, voice muffled by the closed door.

“Huh,” says Nozomi. “It certainly sounded like a thing?”

Eli squints open her eyes and giggles again. “You’re loud.”

Nico feels her cheeks heat up.

“It’s just sex,” Nico says, and she hears Maki groan in embarrassment on the other side of the closed door. “It’s not a big deal. It’s just, like, friends with benefits? Except, you know, we’re not actually friends.”

Nozomi just blinks at her, gaze soft but judgemental.

“Ah,” she says, “That sounds... healthy?”

“Oh, don’t be so judgemental, Nozomi. I’m hot, she’s hot. It  _works,_ okay? Not everyone waits until marriage like you two.”

“Not true,” Eli says. “In fact-”

“Nope,” Nico says, covering her ears. “I don’t want to know. There’s definitely been enough oversharing for one night.”

Nico just glares as the two of them grin at her from the couch. Nico hates them both so much, and she wants to die, and in her defence, Nozomi had definitely said she was taking Eli to her  _own_ place, otherwise Nico would never have risked it.

There's a thick awkward silence.

Nico’s door swings open.

“I have to go,” Maki says. She bows politely, without meeting anyone’s eyes. “Sorry for intruding. Thanks for having me.”

She stumbles into her coat and shoes in record time, allows herself the swiftest glance back at Nico, and then she's gone.

Nozomi just looks Nico at her after the door closes, green eyes full of concern.

“Don’t,” Nico says. “Don’t say anything.”

“I just hope you know what you're doing, that’s all.”

“That counts as saying something!”

Nico retreats swiftly back into her room and closes the door a little too forcefully. She storms back out moments later and into the bathroom to brush her teeth.

Nico climbs into bed pissed off because she really wanted food and now her bed’s all empty and cold.

She checks her phone. No new messages.

Nozomi doesn't know what she's talking about. Nico totally knows what she's doing.

But she won’t deny that she’s the tiniest bit disappointed to be falling asleep alone.

 


	3. keep your distance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks a bunch for your patience and to everyone that's taken the time to offer kind feedback! i get so embarrassed about posting this nonsense so honestly, it means a lot <3

**5\. Keep your distance**

Maki doesn’t leave her apartment for two full days after  _that_ happens.

In all honesty, it’s a struggle to even leave her bed, because every time she so much as thinks about what had quite certainly been the most humiliating moment of her entire life, the only way she can cope is by groaning and tugging the covers up over her head. Every time she remembers anything about that night, she just curls up in a ball and questions why she’s alive.

Some might say she’s being dramatic, but Maki’s not overreacting. If anything, she’s underreacting. Because, other than her family finding out - other than having to look her own parents in the eye and tell them that she’s unconventionally involved with someone, and that someone is a girl, and an annoying one at that, and, by the way, did Maki mention how  _gay_  she is - she can't imagine anything more hideously mortifying.

Of all the people that could've found out about Maki’s questionably poor life decisions, why did it have to be those two? Eli, who’s always looked out for her. The senpai she  _respects_. And Toujou, who seems to want to poke her nose into everything, who Maki doesn't trust to keep quiet.

They both know that Maki’s sexually active. And that she makes terribly embarrassing noises when engaged in said activity. And that she apparently has no self-respect since she engaged in those activities with Nico of all people, who she’s expressed a distaste towards on  _multiple_ occasions.

And Nico had made it perfectly clear to both of them that it hadn’t meant anything. That it’s  _just sex_. And true as that may be, Maki hadn’t liked the way she'd said it. It just seemed like a particularly crude way of describing their situation.

It’d be less terrible if they were actually dating. If Nico was someone Maki actually gets along with, someone who she holds hands with and takes on cute dates to jazz clubs and art galleries. Someone who she joins for civilised dinners where no food gets spilled on expensive white skirts (not that Maki's still bitter about that or anything). It’d be fine if it was anyone else. If it was anyone but Nico.

But it had been Nico, and of course their friends had found out. They were careless,  _reckless,_  so embarrassingly obvious. Maki spoketo Nico when other people were present. They deviated from their usual routine of simultaneously ignoring each other and scowling at each other, and that right there been their downfall. She trusted Nico in her foolish assumption that no one would be home, and now the pigmentation of Maki’s skin has permanently changed to match her hair and she'll never be able to show her face to the outside world ever again.

She briefly considers phoning her father to ask about an immediate transfer to a university on the other side or the world, but she knows he’ll ask her why and then she’ll have to come up with a reasonable excuse, and she’ll have to leave her apartment to catch the flight. Maki’s just not ready to deal with the inconvenience that comes with venturing outside at this point.

She’s perfectly content to stay indoors, possibly for the rest of her life. It gives her plenty of time to catch up on her school work and dedicate some overdue time to her music. She’s always preferred her own company, anyway.

Eli messages her a couple of times to ask if she wants to talk, but Maki doesn’t respond. An unknown number messages her to say that Elicchi is worried, and she only laughed because she'd been so surprised, and by the way, what does Maki like best about Nicocchi, and Maki definitely doesn’t respond. Nico messages her to ask how she’s holding up, and then again to tell her not answering messages is rude, and then a third time to suggest that Maki’s being a dick by ignoring her and making a big deal out of nothing, at which point Maki just switches her phone to flight mode, which she knows isn't the best way to handle things, but she doesn't know  _how_  to respond.

She doesn't want to talk about it. She just wants to pretend it never happened.

Maki didn’t sign up for any of this.

***

 

It’s almost a week later, and Maki’s making a daring trip outside, if only because she can’t afford to skip a full day of classes again. Sure, she could easily catch up on the work, but she can't afford to get a bad reputation. Thanks to her family name, her professors always know who she is, even in a class with hundreds of other students. Some of them are even friends with her parents, and they’ve known her for years thanks to all those stuffy, pretentious Nishikino family dinners where everyone brags about their achievements and talks about Maki’s promising future like she has absolutely no say in the matter.

Maki forces herself to go to university, if only because she doesn’t want her parents asking questions. She can't just abandon all of her responsibilities because of one tiny, insignificant instance of mortifying shame.

She sneaks into the back of the lecture theatre and sinks down into a seat next to a preoccupied girl who’s too busy simultaneously texting and painting her nails to even glance up. Maki feels reasonably calm. She’s been opting for the most inconspicuous of outfits lately - jeans, hoodies, baseball caps - things she wouldn’t stand out in, even with her bright hair and her natural good looks. The class goes smoothly. Everything's fine. Maki has no need for concern.

Maki knows she should head straight back home when she's done for the day, but she walks past one of the many cafes and catches the scent of freshly brewed coffee and she’s done for. It draws her in. It’s a chilly day, after all, and she hasn’t been sleeping well lately. She sees no harm in grabbing something quick to take away, because as much as she loathes to admit it, Nico’s right. The coffee she makes herself doesn't exactly taste that great.

She slinks inconspicuously into the coffee shop and orders without incident. She grabs her cup and smiles gratefully at the girl behind the counter, and she’s ready to retreat back to the safety of her embarrassment-free-zone when she hears someone call her name.

Maki freezes. Her heart stops momentarily. She glances over her shoulder and breathes out a sigh of relief when she sees that it’s just Rin and Hanayo, sitting at a small table that's scattered with a whole bunch of empty plates.

“Maki! Come join us!” Rin calls out, beckoning her over with a series of wild arm gestures.

Maki takes a few cautious steps closer.

“I already got takeout,” she says, holding up her cup.

“It's okay,” Rin says, and if she hurts her hand from the force at which she slaps the chair next to her, she doesn't show any signs of noticing. “Sit down, nya!”

Maki glances swiftly over her shoulder. She slides reluctantly down into the chair and Rin cheers.

“How are you doing?” Hanayo asks, delicately.

Maki’s stomach twists. Her pulse quickens. Do they  _know_?

“I'm fine,” Maki says, quickly. “Why wouldn't I be fine?”

Rin leans in. “We heard-”

Maki feels her cheeks heat up. She frowns.

“ _What_ did you hear?”

“Just that you haven't been feeling well,” Hanayo says, quickly. “That you've missed a few classes. We worried since we haven't heard from you for a while.”

Maki prickles. “People shouldn't talk about me. It's none of their business.” She huffs out a sharp breath. Softens slightly at the sight of her friends’ concerned faces. “But I should’ve replied. Sorry. Things have been... busy.”

“Don't worry,” Hanayo says. “We understand. But – you are okay, right?”

Maki looks up and forces a smile.

“Nothing to worry about,” she says. “I’m fine. What’s new with you two?”

“Cake,” Rin chirps. “We couldn't decide which one to get so we shared all of them!”

Hanayo flushes. “It was a little excessive, but they were very good. I’d highly recommend the strawberry shortcake.”

“Look!”

Rin pulls out her phone and shows Maki a picture, even though the same cakes are attractively on display in the glass-front fridge that’s close behind her. They smile at each other, and start talking excitedly about the different flavors. They’re so straightforward. Maki envies them sometimes.

“They look good,” Maki says. “I’m glad that-” she inhales sharply, “ _Fuck_ -”

She ducks right down into her chair and tugs her cap down low as someone with familiarly long purple hair wanders past the front window of the shop. Maki holds her breath. Toujou peers curiously inside before breezing on by. Maki heaves a sigh of relief and flops head first onto the table. A sharp finger prods at her shoulder blade. Maki sits back up, adjusting her posture so it’s perfect.

Rin and Hanayo just blink at her strangely.

“Well,” Maki says, smoothing down her hair. “I’ve got, uh, got a thing to get to-”

Rin catches her arm.

“Why are you scared of Nozomi?”

She peers at Maki with big eyes. Maki tugs her arm back.

“I'm not! She's just… weird.”

“She's nice!” Rin says, and Maki narrows her eyes. “Are you still mad because she kept asking about you and that Nico girl on Eli’s birthday?”

Hanayo sits up straighter.

“Nico?” she squeaks. “You - You don’t mean Yazawa Nico?”

Maki frowns. “Do you know her?”

Hanayo blushes. Her eyes are practically sparkling.

“Oh, I don’t  _know_  her. But I've seen her perform, and she’s very impressive. Her energy is unrivalled, and she knows so much about theatre studies andidols. She even helped me with my costume once. She's such a kind upperclassman. So mature and hardworking.”

“Doesn’t sound like her,” Maki says. “You probably mean someone different.”

“Small Nico,” Rin says, helpfully. “She looks cute, but also like she might break your legs if she had to?”

“That’s her!” Hanayo leans forward eagerly. “How do you know her, Maki?”

Maki shifts in her seat. Twists her hair between her fingers. “It's, uhh. It's a long story.”

“You must be close,” Rin sing-songs. “Maki doesn't call just anyone by their first name.”

Maki scoffs. She feels her cheeks get hotter.

“We barely know each other.”

“But you seemed to be having so much fun together?” Rin turns to Hanayo. “They were so funny Kayo-chin, you should’ve seen them. All,” she lowers her voice,  _“Bowling is pointless, but I’ll beat you any day,_ and,” she strikes a pose and does a high voice instead, “ _Nico Nico Nii-shikino’s going down!_ ”

Maki glares and nudges Rin’s shoulder forcefully. “ _Rin._ Don’t make stuff up!”

Rin blinks her big eyes.

“But I really thought you were good friends, nya?”

“Can we change the subject?” Maki growls.

“Ooh!” Rin pulls out her phone. “Wanna see a cat do a backflip?”

“I actually wanted to ask you both something. It’s not related to anything in particular. D-Definitely not to what we were just talking about.”

Rin dejectedly puts her phone away.

“What is it?” Hanayo asks.

Maki narrows her eyes at Rin. “I swear, if you even dare to laugh-”

Rin makes a serious face. Hanayo looks terrified.

“It’s nothing weird. I was just wondering what you'd do if - if you did something kind of. Embarrassing?”

“Hide?” Hanayo suggests.

“I'd find you!” Rin says, pressing her face into Hanayo’s shoulder.

“Why do you ask?” Hanayo says, seemingly unaffected by Rin’s furious nuzzling. “Did something happen?”

“Kind of?” Maki says. “N-Nothing significant. I don’t want to talk about it. I just... don't really know what to do?”

Rin bounces off Hanayo’s shoulder and attaches herself to Maki’s arm instead.

“Just own it, nya!”

Maki blinks down at her.

Hanayo nods. “I think Maki of all people would be great at something like that.”

Maki frowns in confusion. “I don’t get what you mean.”

“Like,” Rin lowers her voice again. “ _Embarrassment? I refuse_.”

Maki crosses her arms tightly. “I don't sound like that.”

“ _I_   _don't understand at all,”_  Rin continues with the voice. “ _Why would I care about something like_   _that_?”

“Rin!”

Maki pushes her away, and Rin makes a huge drama out of fake-crying on Hanayo’s shoulder.

“Whatever it was, I'm sure everyone has moved on. They’ve probably already forgotten,” Hanayo says.

“I'm not so sure,” Maki says, dejectedly.

“It may be difficult, but try not to worry, okay?” Hanayo says.

Rin nods. “Maki’s so cool, I’m sure no one noticed.”

“Yeah! You shouldn’t let it get in the way of things you want to do!” Hanayo smiles.

Maki sips her coffee. She knows that when it comes down to it, she has two choices. She can ignore everyone involved forever and lose a good friend, a potential friend-slash-nuisance and… whatever Nico is to her. Or she can deal with it.

She looks back at her friends. That involuntary blush gets her as usual.

“You're right,” she says. “Thanks.”

***

 

Several evenings later, Maki finds herself standing outside the door to Nico’s apartment building. She doesn’t have a particularly good explanation as to what she’s doing there, but she thoroughly blames that stupid group project. Maki was having a perfectly pleasant day until she turned up to the study space in the library that she went out of her way to reserve, and not one of the irritating students she’s been forced to work with had showed up.  _Not one_.

After wasting a good hour of her precious life waiting for them, Maki left the library in a completely sour mood. Things only got worse when she bumped into pretty much all of her group drinking beer on the grass just outside the entrance to the library.

“Shiiiit,” one of the girls whispered when Maki stomped over.

“Nishikino,” another girl said, with a big, fake smile. “How funny. We were actually _just_  on our way to meet you-”

Maki just stared down at them all in disbelief. She clenched her shaking hands into fists and resisted the urge to make a degrading comment about their utter disrespect for education. These couldn't be the future doctors of Japan, could they? She’d have her father blacklist all of them immediately if they ever attempted to intern anywhere _near_ the Nishikino hospital.

A particularly annoying guy raised his beer.

“Hey Nishikino,” he said, and Maki suspected by the slur of his voice that he’d already drank too much. “You should lighten up a bit. You’d be so much hotter if you smiled more.”

Maki scowled, in what she hoped was a particularly unattractive manner. She took a furious step closer.

“I have something for you,” she said.

The guy had raised his eyebrows and grinned. “Oh?”

Maki hurled the folder containing a printout of all the work she'd done  _on her own_  forcefully at his head, which had knocked the can promptly out of his hand and sent beer fizzing into his lap.

“I've done more than my share for the project. You can figure out the rest yourselves.”

“What do you mean?” One of the girls had sat up. “You can't leave us with all the work.”

“The study room’s reserved all evening,” Maki said, sweetly. “You have plenty of time to work it out.”

“Don’t be a stuck up bitch,” another girl sneered at her. “If we don’t finish this, we’ll all fail.”

Maki just smiled.

“No one’s going to fail me,” she said. “You, on the other hand... well, frankly, I don’t care.”

Then she turned and walked away, despite the protests from behind her, and she climbed straight into a taxi, but instead of telling the driver her address, she found herself saying the name of the station that her and Nico had rode the train to on Eli’s birthday. Maki looked out of the window and smiled at the thick clouds looming in the sky. She felt smug satisfaction when rain started to splatter against the window. Now all that laying on the grass being useless would have to come to an abrupt end.

Maki felt less elated when she paid the driver and stepped out of the cab and discovered that she didn’t have an umbrella. She could’ve easily ducked into a store to buy one, but she was certain that Nico lived only a few minutes’ walk away from the station. She felt so sure, but she still ended up spending a frustrating amount of time trying to find Nico’s place. (In her defence, Maki had only been there once before. And it had been dark then. And there are an infinite number of similar looking apartment blocks in Tokyo.)

Wandering in circles in the rain turns out to be a terrible time, but it _does_ make Maki think about the effort Nico must’ve gone to, that second night when they got together. Even if Nico had been in the area, as she insisted, she must’ve spent some time retracing the route they’d walked from the bar in the dark. Nico played it off so casually, but she’d gone out of her way to seek Maki out, and something about that thought makes a weird mix of warmth and anticipation flutter in Maki's chest when she finally,  _finally_  feels certain that she's in the right place.

She lucks out when a smiling older woman holds the front door to the building open for her. It’s very trusting of her, and Maki is more than grateful that she didn't just let the door slam closed in her face, as Maki might have done if a suspicious, sweaty, rain-soaked mess had turned up to try access her own building. She smiles at the woman and tries to look as casual as she can manage as she heads towards the stairs.

She’s out of breath by the time she reaches the fourth floor. She has to take a moment to compose herself, because the combination of the lack of elevator and her thick wet jacket have left her looking like even  _more_  of a mess. She combs her fingers through her unruly hair, though she's sure it doesn’t make much difference. Maki brushes away a thick drop of water as it slides down her nose. She stands outside Nico’s door and just stares at it.

She doesn’t knock. There’s not much point, is there? She's pretty sure that Nico won’t even be home. In addition to her studies and all that rehearsing, she has that bar promotion job, and she works at some cutesy crepe stand,  _and_  she apparently has the most thriving social life a girl could ask for, if you believe Nico (which Maki doesn’t). Toujou will be busy too. There's no way she'll be home. Maki might as well just leave now.

Maki closes her eyes and opens them again. She didn't come all this way to be defeated so easily. She takes a breath. She knocks so faintly that she's exceptionally surprised when she hears a high-pitched voice call out from inside. Her stomach churns at the sound of the door unlocking. Maki takes several short sharp breaths, but of course she’s perfectly composed. She’s feeling great, actually. Just so calm.

Nico opens the door wearing rubber gloves and a frilly apron. Her eyes are soft and surprised for a brief moment, right before they sharpen and she frowns. Maki's heart flips anyway. She wants to run away and to kiss Nico’s mouth, all at the same time.

“Oh,” Nico says, “So you’re not dead then.”

Maki's pulse thrums wildly as she looks at Nico. She looks ridiculous, and yet it seems like a weird privilege to see her like this - with no makeup, no fashionable clothes, her hair tied back messily. To see the kind of person she is when nobody’s watching.

“No,” Maki says. “I’m not.”

Maki takes a step towards her. Nico puts a hand on her shoulder, puts up a barrier between them.

“Nozomi will be back soon,” she says.

Maki takes another daring step closer, this time right into the apartment, nudging the front door closed behind her. She trails her fingers low on Nico’s hip, over the soft cheap cotton of her apron.

“She’s not here now, is she?” Maki asks.

“No,” Nico looks up at her. “But I’m kind of in the middle of cleaning, and I don't have time to deal with you freaking out again, so if this is gonna be some big drama then maybe we shouldn't-”

“It’s not,” Maki says.

“Nozomi will mention it, you know. Multiple times. To your  _face_.”

Maki just shrugs. “I don’t care.”

“Maki. You literally ran away last time.”

“Like I said. Done caring.”

Nico sighs, hands sharp on her hips.

“So, just to clarify, you ignored all my messages, and now you have the nerve to show up and rudely interrupt chores night because you happen to be in the mood?”

Maki shrugs. “You'd do the same to me, wouldn’t you?”

Nico snorts. “Come on, Maki. Let's not pretend you have a chores night.”

“This is what you wanted, isn't it? Spontaneous and casual. Distant _._ ”

Nico pouts. “I’m just saying, some warning would be nice. I’m all sticky and gross. I need to shower.”

Maki looks at Nico. Runs her fingers through her rain-soaked hair.

“A hot shower sounds so good right now. I got rained on. I’m all wet.”

Nico looks back. She smiles slowly.

“Is that so? You must’ve missed seeing Nico up close like this, huh?”

“I can barely control myself,” Maki says, flatly. “That housekeeper look really gets me going.”

“Nico won’t judge you for your weird kinks. I’ll even keep the apron on, if you want.”

“So, this shower,” Maki says, firmly ignoring her. “There’s room for both of us?”

Nico bites her lip.

“I mean,  _technically_. But I just cleaned it. And don’t forget that I share that bathroom. Nozomi will be back soon.”

“Let's not waste time then,” Maki says.

She hangs up her soaked jacket and kicks off her shoes. She heads into the bathroom and drags off her damp shirt and lets it drop to the floor. She stands in the doorway in just her bra and looks at Nico as her fingers start working on the button of her tight jeans.

Nico approaches slowly, her eyes not leaving Maki's. She shuts the door. Clicks the lock into place.

She hangs her gloves neatly over the towel rail and her stupid apron on a hook behind the door. She leans over and starts the shower running, so the small room starts steaming up. Maki takes a step towards Nico, and another, and another, until she’s close enough to push up Nico’s tank top and tug it up over her head. She’s pleased to find that Nico’s not wearing a bra. It makes it so much easier to touch her, so much easier to bend down and scrape her teeth over Nico’s small breast.

Nico’s breath hitches.

“ _Whoa_ -” She laughs. She pushes Maki back. “Ever heard of being patient?”

Maki demonstrates a considerable amount of patience as Nico takes off her leggings and her cherry-print underwear at an almost teasingly slow pace. She waits patiently until their clothes are on the floor, until they're naked and pressed close together because that's the only way they can both fit under the water. Because that’s the only place that Maki wants to be.

 _Then_ she kisses Nico, kisses her desperately, until she's breathless, like she’d forgotten how she tastes. Maki bends to lick thick drops of water off her collarbone. She scrapes her teeth along Nico’s shoulder just because she can.

And, yes, patience is a virtue, but Nico gets to Maki so easily. All she has to do is make one unreasonably hot sound and then Maki’s on her knees, water rough against her back, tongue lapping hot against that sticky spot between Nico’s parted legs that makes her mouth whimper, makes her hands tremble as they push rough into Maki's wet hair, dragging her closer.

Nico tastes so unreasonably good. She’s so  _hot_ when Maki glances up - her black hair all messy and wet, back arched, head pressed back against the tiles, her whole body shaking so much that Maki has to hold onto her thighs and steady her so she doesn't slip as she moans loudly and grinds down hard on Maki's face.

Maybe Maki’s life would make more sense without this.

But it would be a whole lot less exciting too.

***

 

It’s an indefinable amount of time later, and Maki’s breathless in Nico's tiny den of moral corruption that she cleverly disguises as the girliest space Maki’s ever stepped foot in. She’s just climaxed an unimaginable amount of times (exact number unknown), both in the shower and in numerous locations around Nico’s unnervingly pink room. Now, Nico’s arm is slung low over Maki's waist and her head is resting on Maki’s shoulder, and Maki feels hot and sticky and she  _definitely_  needs another shower, but she closes her eyes and somehow feels more relaxed than she has done all month.

She feels Nico trace her fingertip around in circles on her arm. It’s only been a few weeks since they did this last. It’s kind of frightening how much Maki missed it.

“You know,” Nico says, softly, “I wasn’t sure you’d come over again.”

Maki opens her eyes. 

“Neither was I. But… I didn’t want to stop doing this.” Maki trails her fingers through the ends of Nico’s hair. She likes Nico’s hair. It’s so soft and long. Nico shifts to look at her and her eyes are so pretty and warm that Maki’s breath catches in her throat. “For purely physical reasons, I mean.”

“I'll bet.” Nico smirks. “I'm pretty sure you just came like ten times.”

Maki flicks Nico’s shoulder. “Twice. Three times, at most.”

“You were dripping wet before I even touched you. Geez Maki, don’t you take care of yourself when Nico’s not around?”

“That’s a personal question. I don’t have to answer that.”

Nico shifts up to rest her weight on elbow so she can look down at Maki.

“Why does talking about this stuff get you so flustered? Ten minutes ago you were basically sat on my-”

“Nope,” Maki says. She shifts and tugs the covers up over her face.

Nico lowers them. Prods Maki's cheek and smiles winningly.

“Why are you being all weird? Tell Nico what’s wrong.”

Maki shifts again.

“You’d only laugh,” she says. “Or make a big deal out of it.”

Nico flutters her lashes innocently.

“Does that really sound like something Nico would do?”

“It sounds  _exactly_  like you.”

Nico pouts. Maki sighs. Takes a breath. She finds herself speaking despite all evidence that she shouldn't.

“It’s just don't often… I mean, I don't really…”

“Masturbate?” Nico suggests, cheerfully.

“No! I mean  _yes_. I mean,” she flushes, “That's not it-”

“ _Relax,_ Maki, You're kinda freaking out.”

“Orgasm,” Maki says, hiding her face behind her hands. “I know it’s weird. But for some reason I only really do  _that_ with you?”

A beat of silence passes.

“ _Oh_ ,” Nico says.

Maki peeks through her fingers. Nico has this baffled look on her face, eyes wide and blinking. Then slowly, slowly, a grin tugs at the corners of her mouth.

“Don't,” Maki says. “ _Please_.”

“Nico must be really,  _really_ good, huh?”

“I said don't,” Maki groans.

“No, it’s okay. I get it. Maki can’t get herself off anymore since she experienced pleasure at the hands of the mega-talented Nico Nico Nii~”

“I mean,” Maki bites her lip. “...Not exactly?”

Nico’s eyes go wide.

“Y-You mean. Before me. You never-”

“It’s perfectly normal,” Maki says, quickly. “Not everyone does it, you know? And it’s not like I was completely inexperienced before. I’d… tried. Alone and... not alone. It was still pleasurable. I just, hadn’t, you know. I didn’t-” she hides her face again. “C-Can we talk about something else?”

“That night. That - That was the first time?”

Maki nods slowly. Nico face flushes dark pink. Why is  _she_  the one getting embarrassed?

“You could’ve told me,” Nico hisses.

“What would I have _said_?”

Nico looks at Maki strangely, like she can't decide if she's a freak or if she’s adorable. Maki hates it. She never should've said anything. She isn't supposed to be opening up to Nico about personal stuff. Hasn’t Maki embarrassed herself enough already? If they were following the guidelines they’d carefully set out together, wouldn't she have already gone home by now?

“Look, I’m just saying-“

They both startle at the sound of keys in the door.

Nico sighs and hoists herself up and out of bed in record time. She flings Maki’s bra across the room. It hits Maki on the side of her head.

“Get dressed,” Nico hisses. “There's a good chance she’ll try barge in here.”

“Hey,” Toujou calls out. “Guess who’s home!”

“Welcome back,” Nico yells.

“Did you have a good day, Nicocchi?”

Her voice sounds closer now. Nico shoots a panicked look on Maki’s direction.

“Yeah! Just. Gimme a minute, okay? I’ll be right out.”

Maki’s shirt lands in her lap. She crinkles her nose. It’s still damp from the rain.

“Don’t you have anything dry?”

Nico huffs and tugs open a drawer, muttering something about fussy princesses. She throws a black shirt in Maki’s direction.

“Is this  _mine_?” Maki hisses, and Nico just shrugs.

Maki shudders as she wriggles into her cold, wet jeans.

Toujou starts clattering around in the kitchen, singing a loud song about being lonely.

“Is she always so impatient?”

“Focus,” Nico hisses. “How do you want to do this? You wanna hide out in here? Or should I distract her so you can sneak past? I don’t really see you as the climbing out of the window and down the fire escape type.”

“I’ll just… go out there, I guess?”

“Okay,” Nico nods, “The direct approach. I like it. How fast can you run?”

“I’m not going to run. I’ll just… leave.” Maki drags her fingers through her hair and sighs. “I could really use another shower first.”

Nico tugs her shirt over her head. She looks at Maki and groans.

“Geez, you're such a mess. We’re so obvious.”

Maki glances in the mirror. She’s still got that  _glow_ about her _,_ that tell-tale pink flushed skin. She attempts to smooth down her hair, and somehow makes it flick out more. She takes a deep, deep breath and opens the door of Nico’s room.

Toujou looks up and breaks into a grin.

“Oh _,_ ” she says, cheerfully, “Maki! I didn’t realise you were visiting.”

Maki’s stomach lurches. Don’t get embarrassed. Own it.  _Own it._

“Toujou,” she says. “A-Are you well?”

“Please, Maki. We’re friends now. Stop being so formal and call me Nozomi.”

Maki forces herself to nod again. Friends is pushing it a bit.

“I was just about to make dinner,” Nozomi says. “Would you like some?”

“Maki was just leaving,” Nico says, from behind her.

“That doesn’t seem very fair. You stay over at Maki’s place, but she can’t stay over here? Be more hospitable, Nicocchi. You know your special friends are always welcome here.”

“Nico’s bed is too uncomfortable,” Maki grumbles. She feels her cheeks heat up at the admission that she’s been in Nico’s bed, even though it’s pretty obvious at this point.

“It is small,” Nozomi says, thoughtfully. “I’m surprised you haven't broken it, from what I heard last time.”

“I'm gonna break  _you_ in a minute,” Nico growls, and Nozomi just giggles.

Nico  _hmphs_  loudly. Maki’s stomach churns. She smiles and it's ninety-eight percent forced.

“Say, Maki, have you spoken to Elicchi recently? I think she’s worried that you’re mad at her, since you haven’t been hanging out lately.”

“Oh,” Maki shifts guiltily. “I’m not mad at her or anything. Things have just been kind of… I’ll make sure to call her later.”

“I’m sure she’ll be thrilled to hear from you.”

Nozomi beams. Maki looks at her feet. Nico clears her throat. It's the most awkward moment of Maki’s entire life.

“Well,” Maki says, and she’s pretty sure her entire body is flushed an undignified shade of tomato red. “I’ll be leaving now.”

She steps towards Nico and moves in for what turns out to be the world's most awkward hug. Nico tenses under her touch, and Maki thinks she hears Nozomi giggle, and she instantly regrets all of her life choices, because why a hug? Sure, they engage in a certain amount of post-coital lounging, but they don’t  _hug_. Maki wraps it up quickly with a quick pat on Nico’s shoulder and bolts towards the door.

“Bye,” Maki says. and she opens the front door. She steps into her shoes and grabs her jacket, as an afterthought. She decides to put it on in the hall and shuffles out with her shoes untied. She can’t stand the thought of slowly lacing them up while the two of them watch.

Maki closes the door and breathes out a tense breath of air she hadn’t realised she’d been holding it.

She survived it. She moderately _owned_ it. And, surely,  _surely_  things can't get any worse.

 

 

 

**6\. Hook up. Don't hang out.**

If there’s one thing Nico’s doesn’t hate about Maki, it’s the way that she’s so predictable. After Nico works her way past that whole stuck-up, unapproachable ice-princess thing, she starts to find her pretty easy to read. She works out that Maki’s mouth may be dishonest, but her face sure isn’t.  And Nico likes that. She takes pride in her outstanding observational skills, at how good she gets at picking apart what makes Maki mad and what makes her moan, what makes her laugh and what makes her blush.

What she’s saying is, Maki had always seemed like the kind of girl that likes to stick to a good routine. The kind of girl that only ever initiates a meetup during designated downtime that she schedules into her calendar on weekends (with the rare exception of a particularly stressful day at school.) Nico didn’t really have her down as the kind of girl that would just rock up on her doorstep on some dull Monday evening, dripping wet in more ways than one, and proceed to go down on Nico so hard that she’d almost collapsed and died against the tiles of her own freshly-cleaned shower. (In a good way. In a  _really_ good way.)

Nico’s not sure what kind of self-reflection Maki did during those weeks after Eli’s birthday where she fell off the face of the earth, but somehow –  _somehow_ – she resurfaced as someone that’s actually kind of unpredictable. And it’s weird. A worthy contributor to the hottest moments Nico’s life, sure, but also weird. Did Nico mention how weird it is? 

Nico expected Maki to choose fleeing down the fire escape over ever looking Nozomi in the eye again, but she somehow managed to hold a conversation that lasted at least a whole minute. Nico expected Maki to be more closed off than ever, but she’d opened up about something surprisingly personal, something that completely threw Nico off, because they really are quite startlingly physically compatible, huh?

Nico thinks it's probably just a one-off. That Maki’s just a girl who hadn’t orgasmed for weeks having the time of her life at the hands of someone as skilled as Nico.

But Maki _changes_. Sure, she’s not exactly an open book, but she’s maybe a book that’s cracked open a few pages, rather than one that’s chained up in a locked cabinet buried ten thousand feet under the ocean. It's not like she has a personality transplant or anything. She still flat out lies to Nico’s face, still exhibits that oh-so-confident demeanour right up until the moment she gets hideously embarrassed over something insignificant. But for someone like Maki, it’s progress. And Nico doesn't really understand it.

Like, this one time, Nico sends Maki a selfie when she’s grabbing a drink with Nozomi and Eli (who are being totally gross and touchy-feely, by the way) and Maki turns up and joins them. Actually shows up on her way home from what she claims had been an unreasonable number of hours in the lab and orders some gross tomato drink and just willingly sits at their table. And she makes conversation _._ She’s friendly towards Eli, and polite towards Nozomi, and just as much of a dick as usual towards Nico, but in this weird, playful way? Nico feels some relief when she looks around the table and discovers that Nozomi and Eli look just about as floored as she does, because who  _is_  this person? Where did she come from?

Then there’s that other time - the evening when Maki messages Nico saying,  _I’m bored_ , and it’s some random Thursday, not even a weekend.

Nico messages her back right away:  _not tonight._   _cramps. going home to die._

She doesn't exactly expect a reply, because Maki always seems kind of sulky on those rare evenings when Nico has to decline hanging out due to her exceptionally busy schedule.

But she does get a reply. An annoying one. It just says,  _My_   _bed’s_   _comfier_.

Nico huffs out loud, and, yes, she may be standing in the middle of a train platform, but she’s sure the people around her would react in exactly the same way if they had to deal with this kind of spoiled arrogance.

 _i told u to_   _stop bragging about that!_

 _No,_ Maki says.

Nico sees the little bubble indicates that she's typing appear and then disappear. It happens again - stop and start, stop and start.

_I meant you could still come over._

Typing. Not typing. Typing.

_We could watch a movie or something? I don't know._

Nico just stares at her screen.

 _You don't have to if it's weird._  
_I don't really care either way._

Nico finds herself smiling.

 _i could do that??_  
_if u want to take care of nico that badly~!!_ ♡♡

 _No,_  Maki messages back.  _I don't. Like I said. I just… don’t have anything better to do right now._

_i could be there in 20 mins??_

Typing. Not typing. Typing.

_See you then._

And it's not just that. When Nico turns up, Maki’s so sweet that it’s actually kind of scary. She brings Nico a hot water bottle and some painkillers and they only bicker for five minutes over what movie they should watch. They settle on something pleasant and girly, though Nico’s fully tempted to suggest something about alien invasions or spiritual possession, so she can maybe gain some insight into what Maki’s thinking, because that's the only explanation, right? What other explanation is  _there_?

The most puzzling instance yet is when they meet up when their late Tuesday classes just happen to finish at the same time. Nico casually suggests grabbing dinner, because she's starving and she needs to eat something with nutritional value before she eats anything else. Maki’s eyebrows shoot up comically at that remark. She says no right away, starts referencing that whole dumb spaghetti thing again and Nico‘s all,  _geez_ ,  _get_   _over it_   _already_ , because surely her sexual prowess has made up for that by now. Maki gets angry at Nico’s public use of the phrase  _sexual prowess_ , and insists that she’s going home.

Nico wears her down easily. She doesn’t expect it to work, because she didn’t manage to win Maki over to that excellent suggestion of making out in the library stacks that one boring time when Nico studied with her. But she keeps whining that she’s going to waste away until Maki sighs reluctantly and gives in. They strike up a compromise which involves no food with sauces that may stain and a ban on mentioning music at the dinner table.

They end up at some fancy sushi place that Maki highly recommends. It's pricey enough that Nico looks at the menu and starts doing some quick math to try and work out what she can actually afford. Maki slides her credit card onto the table and tells Nico to just order whatever, because isn't it easier if they just don't worry about it? Nico begrudges her for showing off, and she almost rejects the offer, but she’s practically dying here and the food looks  _so_  good that she decides it’s okay to be treated, just this once. She is gracing Maki with her priceless presence after all.

Maki’s in a weirdly good mood again. She’s still as annoyingly pretentious as ever (“What do you _mean_ 10,000 yen is too much for a bottle of sake?”) but she also offers more than one word answers when Nico asks her questions. She even smiles and listens attentively when Nico gets carried away talking about why she’s so into performing.

And, okay, obviously it’s not a date or anything, because that’d be gross and dumb and against all the rules, but they accidentally leave the restaurant right as the sun is setting, and it’s so beautiful, so soft and nice, that it almost feels like it  _could_  be.

There’s a chill in the air, but the sky is such a perfect blend oranges and yellows as they wander down towards the river that Nico feels warm inside _._  She keeps thinking they should head back soon, keeps thinking she should suggest it, but here's the thing: she doesn’t  _want_ to. The leaves on the trees are all crisp and red, but Maki's hair is so much prettier – maybe the nicest colour Nico’s ever seen when she laughs and the breeze catches it. Maki smiles and Nico can’t imagine anything in the world being more captivating to look at, except maybe an entire stadium of super-fans screaming out her name.

Nico knows that taking a picture together is probably breaking the rules, but so is sitting and talking until the stars come out. So is lying with her head in Maki's lap on a reasonably uncomfortable wooden bench, listening to Maki point out constellations because of course she's one of those irritatingly smart people who knows a ton of them.

When it finally gets too cold to stay outside, Nico finds herself heading back to Maki’s place again. She drifts off to sleep in Maki’s bed in borrowed pyjamas and, for the second time, they don’t do anything like  _that_. No sex. No nudity. Not even any tasteful boob-touching!

They laugh it off the next morning, talk about how tired they were after eating so much food, but Nico knows she’s being dishonest. It’s weird, but being around Maki just felt so startlingly comfortable, that Nico didn't really wanted to do anything more than just fall asleep next to her.

And maybe, though she loathes to admit it, maybe it's the  _friends_  part of that whole friends with benefits thing creeping in?

Except Nico’s never kissed any of her other friends softly before falling asleep next to them before.

It’s kind of messed up, Nico thinks, how it’s somehow more terrifyingly intimate to fall asleep fully-clothed next to Maki than it is to fuck her.

Nico doesn't exactly know what’s happening here, but she does know they need to kick that domestic crap before things get out of hand.

Maki’s not her girlfriend. She never will be.

And Nico will do everything she can to make sure they both remember that.

***

 

So, like she said, Nico has  _every_  intention of stopping that whole sleepovers-without-sex thing before it becomes some creepy habit. And Nico does her best, she really does. But she’s only human, after all. (Even if she  _is_  probably the cutest and most talented human in the known universe.)

Nico’s a student with two jobs and a family and a quest to be the best at everything. Is it a crime that even someone with her vivacious energy gets tired every once in a while? Sometimes she just happens to invite herself over to Maki's, and she can't help that she's so tired and achy from spending five straight hours helping Kotori with costumes in preparation for their winter performance. Sometimes she can’t  _not_  flop onto Maki’s comfy bed as soon as she arrives. Sometimes she whips off her bra and skirt and thinks she might as well snuggle down under the covers while she waits for Maki, who offered her tea and is likely to spend at least ten minutes trying to get to grips with such a simple domestic task.

She only relaxes for one tiny moment and then suddenly she opens her eyes, feeling super disorientated, because somehow it's completely dark.

Nico knows that she's in Maki's bed. She knows the feel of her sheets by now, knows the sound of her breath. She hears rain, harsh against the window. A rumble of thunder somewhere in the distance.

Nico leans over to feel around for her phone. She finds it on the bedside table and squints at the brightness of the screen. Almost two in the morning. _Crap._

She hears Maki sigh beside her.

“You’re awake.” Maki’s voice is dry and raspy.

Nico stretches. Laughs sleepily.

“So I guess I fell asleep again?”

“Immediately,” Maki grumbles. “Within minutes of arriving.”

“Oops,” Nico giggles. “You should've woke me.”

“You looked peaceful.”

Nico gasps. “Don't tell me you were doing something weird. You'd better not post pictures of Nico’s cute sleeping face online.”

“I didn’t – why would I - I just meant it was nice that you were finally being quiet.”

Nico hums. Maki huffs and rolls onto her front. Nico reaches out for her. Runs her fingers over her back. She’s so _tense._

“Have you even been to sleep yet?”

Maki sighs. “Nope. Couldn’t sleep. Someone was snoring.”

“Excuse me? Cute girls like me don't snore.”

A flash of lightning illuminates the room. The thunder booms louder this time. Nico feels Maki shudder.

“Don't tell me Maki gets freaked out by thunderstorms?”

“It’s not like I’m scared of them or anything. It’s just too noisy,” Maki grumbles into her pillow.

“Well you’re never gonna sleep if you're all grumpy and stressed.”

Maki’s wearing that soft, silky nightdress that exposes her back. Nico rubs at her shoulders, soothes over the bare skin of top of her back. She’s still so tense. So worked up.

“Hey,” Nico says. “Are you okay?”

“M’fine,” Maki says, voice muffled by the pillow. “It's just…” She turns her head so Nico can actually hear her speaking. “They used to freak me out a little. When I was young and my parents weren't home.”

“Oh,” Nico says. “You were left home alone too, huh?”

“Yeah,” Maki says.

A soft beat of silence passes. Maki rolls onto her back.

“Do you mind if I put some music on?” she asks.

“I've got a better idea," Nico says. "Play me something!”

“Huh?”

“How many times have I been here now? And you still haven't played that fancy piano for me.”

Nico can just about make out Maki grimacing in the dark.

“I don’t think my neighbours would appreciate it.”

“You can play quietly, right? Come on, it'll be fun. Pleaaase?”

Nico’s fluttering eyelashes are somewhat wasted on the dark room, but despite Maki’s protests that she’s hardly going to be on top form in the early hours of the morning, she somehow agrees to it anyway.

Nico sits on the sofa in just her shirt and a thick wool cardigan that Maki had thrown in her direction when she’d climbed out of bed and shivered. The sleeves are too long. It’s unreasonably cosy. It smells like Maki.

Maki gets comfortable at the piano. She takes a breath. She starts to play.

It’s _magical -_ dim lights and heavy rain against the window. A beautiful sound. A beautiful  _girl_.

Nico watches. She's totally transfixed. It sort of takes her back to that impression she got of Maki when they first met, in those brief blissful moments before she opened her mouth and ruined everything. When she'd just been Nishikino, that enigmatic younger student - unnaturally gorgeous and effortlessly cool.

Nico had lost that idealistic view of her within about ten seconds of that whole restaurant drama, but now she kind of sees it again. She knows Maki’s a pain, but she can’t quite see it right now _._ She can’t see anything but the concentration on her face as her delicate fingers skim across the piano keys, the music getting more dramatic when the thunder rolls louder outside.

Nico doesn’t know how long she plays for, but she knows that the silence surprises her when she stops. Maki looks at Nico expectantly. She tucks a piece of red hair self-consciously behind her ear.

Nico blinks at her slowly. She feels she's coming out of some weird daze.

“What was that called?” Nico asks.

“Oh,” Maki says. “I wasn't playing anything in particular. I was just improvising.”

Nico stands up and crosses the room slowly.

“No way? I thought it was something really old and famous?”

Maki just shrugs. She twists around to face away from the piano, and makes a soft sound of surprise when Nico drops down into her lap.

“You’re really good at this. Why aren't you doing this all the time?”

A beat of silence.

“…It's complicated.”

Nico twists around so she’s facing Maki, so her legs are on either side of her hips. She likes the way Maki's eyes get bigger as she leans in close. It's cute.  _Really_ cute.

“Try me.”

Maki’s face tenses. Nico watches her shut herself off. The softness in her eyes disappears. Her brows crease into a frown.

She shrugs, all distant and aloof.

“I’d tell you, but it’s boring.”

Nico _hmph_ s. She flips Maki’s shoulder with the edge of the long, dangling sleeve of her cardigan.

“ _You’re_  boring.”

“Well, you're boney,” Maki grumbles, nudging at Nico’s small legs.

“We all have bones, Maki. You can't judge me for that.”

Maki rolls her eyes, but Nico doesn't see her complaining when she loops her arms around her neck. She leans in close again.

“You're just good, you know?” She murmurs by Maki's ear. “ _Really_ good.”

Nico’s not really about inflating Maki’s ego more, but she’s also not about to lie about how crazy talented she is either. She watches the beginnings of a smug smile tug on the corner of Maki's lips, but she weirdly doesn't hate it. She kind of wants to kiss Maki, but she also doesn’t want to shift too far from their usual dynamic. Maybe if she insults Maki and hits her with the cardigan sleeve again. Maybe  _then_  it’d be appropriate.

Nico kisses her anyway, appropriate or not. Maki looks so cute that she can't help it. Did Nico mention that she has a major soft spot for hot girls with next level musical skills?

“Hey,” Maki says, when Nico leans back. “Do you think it's weird?”

“ _Super_  weird,” Nico says, and Maki's face falls dramatically. “Wait, what are we talking about?”

“That… thing I told you about before. I thought you'd be annoying and go on about it, but you haven't even mentioned it. Is that... because it's weird?”

“Wait, I thought you meant  _this_. Like, sleepovers and 2AM piano parties? What are we talking about?”

Maki looks down. Twists her fingers around the soft cotton of the hem of Nico’s shirt.

“The… orgasm thing?”

“Ohhh,” Nico says. _The orgasm thing._

The thing that Nico's thought about pretty much every night since Maki mentioned it. That she's looked up online. That she's been dying to ask more about, but she hasn’t dared to mention because Maki startles about as easily as a tiny woodland animal when it comes to talking about stuff like  _that_.

“Yeah,” Maki says. She looks away again, her cheeks flushed pink. “So… do you?”

“I think it's weirder that you seem to actually enjoy studying,” Nico teases, and Maki makes a face. “I don't exactly  _get_ it, but I don't think it's weird or whatever. I just… I thought if I asked you about you might go back into hibernation for months. And Nico really wanted to try that whole shower thing again sometime before Christmas?”

Maki nudges Nico off her lap. Nico sits beside her. Leans against her.

“I just – I don't want you to get the wrong idea or anything.”

“Oh, don't worry,” Nico grins. “I know it means that Nico’s the best in the whole universe.”

“That’s not what it means! It doesn't mean you're special or anything.”

“Really? Because I thought it meant  _exactly_ that.”

Maki groans.

“This is exactly why I didn't want to talk about it.”

Nico pats her shoulder.

“There’s no need to be shy, Maki. You’re super lucky, actually. Nico’s going to do you a big, big favour.”

Maki stares at her suspiciously.

“I was thinking. We’re not gonna do this forever, right?”  Nico firmly ignores the way she feels Maki’s shoulder tense. “Nico won’t always be around, so I’ve decided. I'm going to help you practice.”

“P-Practice what?”

“Orgasms,” Nico chirps, and Maki leans back forcefully on her piano and makes a terrible, startled sound.

“No,” Maki says.

“Come  _on._  It's a life skill. What are you gonna do when Nico graduates?”

Maki crosses her arms tightly.

“I’m sure I’ll manage just fine. You’re probably not aware since your ego’s so big, but people other than you do exist, you know.”

Nico frowns. She gets this weird pang in her chest when she thinks about Maki with someone else, but mostly because she feels sorry about her having to settle for a subpar experience when Nico moves on up in the world and is consequently too busy for all  _this._

But Nico’s a generous person at heart. It doesn’t matter what Maki does in the bleak future when she’s watching Nico’s international rise to stardom and crying over those brief moments when she got close enough to touch perfection. What matters is what she can do to help out poor Maki  _now_.

Her mouth twists into a smile.

“I have this idea.”

“That sounds worrying.”

“No, you’ll love it. Trust me. You have to come back to bed though.”

Maki bites her lip. She makes a big deal out of moving from the piano stool, like it’s such a  _hassle_ , but her eyes are shining with intrigue. Nico gets her in her room. Gets her laid on her bed in the low lamp light. Gets her comfortable.

Nico takes off the cardigan. Retrieves her bag. Perches on the edge of the bed in just her shirt and her long socks and looks down at Maki.

“So, remember before when I said I have fun stuff at my place?”

Maki nods slowly. Nico retrieves a tiny drawstring bag from her purse.

“ _Well_ ,” she says.

She opens the bag. Pulls out a tiny vibrator. Her cutest one. Un-intimidatingly pastel pink.

“Ta da!”

Maki blinks. Her eyes get wider.

“I-Is that…?”

“Yep,” Nico chirps.

She clicks it on and off again, so it buzzes like a revving engine. Nico grins wickedly as Maki flushes a dark shade of pink.

“You - Were you just carrying that around?”

“Like I said. I had this idea. I was just waiting for the right moment to share it.”

Nico hears Maki take a shaky breath.

“I-I’ve never tried something like that.”

“That’s okay. Do you want to?”

Maki bites her lip.

“I don't know. Maybe?”

“You don’t  _have_  to. It was just something I thought of. Y’know, to help you out when Nico’s not around.”

Maki wraps a piece of hair around her finger.

“...It looks _weird_.”

“Well, it’s yours. Consider it a gift. An _investment._ Try it alone if you don't want to try now.”

Nico moves to put it down, but Maki reaches out for her. Wraps her fingers around Nico’s wrist and just looks at her.

“I don’t – I don’t not want to?”

Nico flicks her forehead.

“We’re not gonna do anything if you're not sure. Think about it. It doesn't have to be  _now._ ”

Maki takes another shaky breath. The room is dim. Her eyes are bright.

“I want to,” she whispers.

“N-Now?” Nico squeaks.

Maki nods.

 _Well._ That’s unexpected.

Nico smiles and stretches out on her side next to Maki.

“It’s gonna feel intense,” she says.

She pushes up Maki’s nightdress up, so it’s bunched up just below her perfect breasts, so her smooth stomach’s all exposed. She trails her fingers over Maki’s soft thighs, over the soft lace of her underwear. She feels the heat of Maki’s skin as she teases her a little bit, fingers moving slow and delicate until she hears Maki’s breath start hitching sharp.

Nico clicks the on button. She lets it buzz against her hand for a moment. She doesn’t want to rush.

“It’s loud,” Maki groans. “ _Embarrassing_.”

“You’ve got to tell me if it’s too much, okay?”

Maki nods. Nico presses it the vibrator against Maki’s bare thigh. Maki gasps. Her body writhes against the mattress.

“What did I say,” Nico says, kissing her neck. “Intense.”

She watches Maki carefully, as she teases it over her thigh, again and again, moving closer and closer to where she wants it.

“ _Nico_ ,” Maki hisses.

Nico feels her whole body start trembling.

“You’re shaking,” Nico coos. “Are you excited, Maki? All wet and ready for me?”

“You’re all talk. I can handle it. Just do it alrea- _ohhh-”_

Maki moans as Nico presses the vibrator between her legs. She makes the  _cutest_ sound from the briefest of touches. So responsive, even through the delicate material of her black underwear.

“It f-feels weird,” Maki whispers.

“Bad?” Nico asks.

“ _Good,”_ Maki says. “Oh my  _god_ -” She grips Nico’s hand. “Fuck- _Nico._ ”

“You're  _so_  sensitive,” Nico murmurs. She presses it into Maki's hand. “Your turn.”

“Me?”

“Uh huh. Nico’s going to watch.”

“T-That's too embarrassing. I don't - I don't know what I'm doing?”

“It’s not so hard. And Nico’s here to help, you know.”

Maki makes a tiny noise of protest.

“I want you to make yourself come. I want to  _watch_.”

“I can't,” Maki says. “It doesn't  _work_  like that-”

“You can  _try_. There's no pressure. It'll be hot either way, right?”

Maki groans softly. She takes the vibrator into her hand. She makes a face.

“I feel like I’m getting a really intense phone call?”

Nico laughs.

“You’ll get used to it. Promise.”

Maki’s hesitantly slow in her movements. Nico watches her as she moves her hand low. As she presses it tentatively against herself and gasps.

“Do that again,” Nico whispers. “Hold it there longer.”

“Stop bossing me around,” Maki grumbles.

But she listens to Nico. And Nico _loves_ it. She loves watching the way it makes Maki’s face twist in pleasure.

Nico hooks her fingers under the waistband of Maki's underwear.

“Take these off,” she says.

Maki nods. She kicks her underwear somewhere across the room. Nico watches her pretty face as she presses the vibrator right against her clit. She gasps and tugs back her hand.

“Too much?” Nico asks.

Maki shakes her head. She whimpers loudly as she tries again, and god, she’s so  _hot_. Nico rubs her fingers against herself through her underwear. She’s so wet just from watching. She can feel herself dripping through the thin material. Maki reaches out for her, fingers brushing low on Nico’s thigh. Nico pushes her hand back.

“ _Focus_ ,” she says, sharply.

Maki nods. She whimpers again and bites her lip, free hand grasping at the sheets. She must be dripping wet too. Nico thinks about how good she'd taste.

“You’re so good, Maki,” Nico murmurs. “You look _so_ pretty.”

 “Nico,” Maki hisses, reaching for her. “It’s – _ahh_ – too much.”

“Use your fingers,” Nico says. “Use your fingers for me.”

Maki turns off the vibrator. She doesn’t waste any time. Nico hears the slick sound of her fingers, and she's _touching herself_. She's so hot. Her hips arch up off the mattress.

 “Kiss me,” Maki rasps out.

“No. This is about you. I'm not gonna-”

“Please,” Maki whispers desperately.

“You’re so needy.”

“ _Nico_ -”

Maki tugs her close by the collar of her shirt. Her whole body start to writhe and shudder about three seconds after Nico’s tongue licks into her mouth. Nico likes Maki like this, so soft and unguarded. She’s never heard anything quite as perfect as Maki’s voice, breath gasping out between kisses as she digs her nails into Nico’s arm and makes herself come for the first time in her  _whole_   _life_.

Maki lays back on the bed, her eyes wide with shock. Nico strokes her hair as her breath comes out harsh and fast. She kisses Maki again. Maki tugs her close. Grips her tight.

“You did it.” Nico grins.  

Maki smiles wryly.

“You helped.”

“Only a little. I couldn't resist your face at the end there. Maki looks  _super_  cute when she begs.”

“Who was begging?”

“ _Please Nico. You’re so perfect, kiss me or I’ll die-!”_

Maki huffs and rolls so she's facing away from Nico.

“You're the worst _._ ”

Nico hums. “That's a funny way to say thank you, isn't it?”

Nico curls around Maki’s back, wraps her arms around her from behind.

“Oh,” Maki says. “You didn’t - Do you want to-”

“Don't worry about me. Tonight was a Maki solo album. Besides,” Nico yawns. “I'm kind of sleepy now.”

“ _You're_  sleepy? I don’t think I can even  _move._ I swear, Nico. If your alarm goes off at fucking six again-”

“No, no, don’t worry. You’ve had an exhausting experience. I might let you sleep in until at  _least_  six thirty-”

Maki kicks her. Nico grunts.

“Don’t be so rude. Not when you’ve been such a good girl all night.”

“Don’t talk to me like I’m a dog or something.”

“But you did so well. I feel so proud. I mean, do you even need me anymore?”

“Good point actually,” Maki says. “You're fired.”

Nico de-tangles herself from around Maki. She sits up.

“Fine. Bye then.”

Maki catches her hand. Looks at her softly.

“I do need you.”

Nico’s heart skips a beat.

“You make me look tall,” Maki says. “I’m practically model height standing next to you.”

Nico hmphs. It’s her turn to flop back down and sulk.

Maki curls up behind Nico this time. She wraps an arm around Nico’s waist. She’s so close that Nico can feel her breath warm against her neck.

“You know,” Maki says. “That was the weirdest gift someone ever gave me.”

“Wow. You’re rude and ungrateful? Nico just set you up for  _life._ ”

“It was still because of you though,” Maki says, quietly. “Because you were here. I don’t get it. There’s just something about you that-”

“I know, I know, Nico’s perfect. But hey, at least now you stand more of a chance at recreating my magnificence when we stop doing this, right?”

Nico feels Maki tense behind her. She doesn't read too much into it. She  _can’t_ read too much into it.

“Nico?” Maki says, softly.

“Mm?”

A long beat of silence passes. Nico holds her breath.

“Thank you,” Maki says.

Nico exhales softly.

“Don’t mention it,” she says.

 


	4. keep your options open

**7\. Keep your options open**

When Maki looks back on it all, she’s pretty sure she blames the toothbrush. She was doing well up until that point. Sticking to every single boundary that her research suggested, or, well, there was always the sleepovers, and the cuddling, and that whole date-that-wasn’t-a-date thing... but no. Those weren’t a big deal. Maki had been following most of the rules her research suggested. Or some of them. She’d at least been following _some_.

There were other contributing factors. The sushi restaurant. The piano. God, even the vibrator.

But that cheap yellow toothbrush that she picked up from the convenience store. _That_  was the start of her downfall.

It doesn’t seem like a big deal at the time. She just grabs it on her way home one day after Nico complains about not being able to clean her teeth properly for what feels like the eleventh time. (“You can't just expect me to keep carrying a spare in my purse, Maki!”) Maki only picks it up to stop her complaining.

But the toothbrush thing leads to the underwear thing. Maki maintains that it's completely reasonable to refuse to lend someone a pair of your underwear, even if you are engaging in intercourse on semi-regular basis, and Nico maintains that she's not going to put the same ones back on after her bubble bath because that's gross, and what, she’s meant to carry clean underwear everywhere she goes? Giving her a small space in Maki's drawer seems like the only logical conclusion, doesn't it?

Maki doesn’t know that Nico’s gonna bring over an entire week's worth of underwear - tiny, embarrassing little garments covered in bows that make Maki worry that if she died in a tragic accident, the person who cleans out her apartment might assume they were _hers_. Might assume that she wore that many _frills_.

The underwear thing leads to clothes in her closet, because Nico is a stylish girl, don't you know, she can't possibly be seen wearing the same thing two days in a row. The clothes leads to makeup on her dresser.  A tiny pink bottle of perfume on her nightstand.

And that's not nearly the worst part.

The worst part is when Maki’s half-asleep and making breakfast before an unreasonably early class and she grabs a jar unassumingly from her fridge and almost ends up with toast covered in that green goop that Nico insists on smothering on her face at night so she’ll look youthful _._ (Like she needs any help with that!)

But that’s just what Nico’s like. She gets to Maki. Grows on her like a disease, until Maki can't stop thinking about her, though she really, _really_ wants to.

She makes Maki feel weird. Make her have _feelings._

And not just sex feelings.

 _Actual_ feelings.

Maki tries to ignores them. Of course she does. She assumes it’s just a natural consequence of quite literally baring everything to someone. It doesn’t mean anything, she tells herself on multiple occasions. The rapid pulse and the daydreams and the way that sometimes just thinking about Nico leads to this soft, sickening ache in her chest - that’s just biological. Nothing more than the troublesome flow of oxytocin.

But being with Nico starts to feel comfortable, starts to feel _right._ It starts to feel like twisting open the blinds in a dingy room and squinting into the warmth of the beaming sun - well, if the sun was grouchy and prone to only shining when it suited itself, and if it was tiny, _really_ tiny, and okay, maybe it's not the greatest comparison, but what Maki means is Nico makes her feel _warm_.

And not just that familiar raw heat low in her belly. A weird, tingling warmth in her chest that spreads through her whole body when Nico smiles, because Nico has such a nice smile when it’s not forced, when she’s being genuine. It manifests itself in urges to do weird stuff, like kiss Nico's forehead or hold her hand, which is gross. Maki shouldn't want that. It’s _Nico._

Nico, who had seemed like such a safe option to outlet stress and cumbersome physical urges without getting tied down with the time-consuming troubles of an actual relationship - physically attractive, but moody and selfish, a complete clash with Maki in terms of personality. The chances of forming an attachment to someone so annoying had seemed impossible.

And then Nico had to go and ruin it by being sweet. By making breakfast and by tucking in the bed covers, by nagging Maki to take breaks from studying and acting like she _cares._ She had to go and confuse Maki by being cute, by having a big heart hiding underneath all the sharpness and the bravado. By being probably the most hardworking person Maki's ever met. By having this energy that people feed off, this passion that motivates Maki - makes her expertly scheduled, slave-to-a-textbook approach to college seem so painfully dull when Nico’s not around.

And Maki knows she shouldn't go there.

She knows that Nico’s a nightmare. Her fake cutesy voice is annoying, _especially_ when she chirps out that insufferable catchphrase. She leans all over Maki when she's trying to read and whines about the fact that no one paying attention to her. And that idol obsession - what’s that even about?

Maki doesn’t want this. She doesn’t want to refresh Nico’s profile pathetically when she posts a picture of two margarita glasses on a Friday night. She doesn’t want to wonder who Nico’s with, or who that clutch bag that’s just out of shot belongs to, or whether Nico would answer honestly if Maki asked her if she’s seeing other people. She doesn’t want to think about how devastatingly jealous she’d feel, if Nico said that she was.

Maki doesn't want to know.

She doesn't want to care.

But she doesn't really know how _not_ to either and that. That’s a problem.

***

 

“I got you an early Christmas present,” Nico says.

Maki looks up. She’s laid on Nico’s bed, but it's nothing like _that._ She’s fully clothed - wearing several layers, in fact, because _some people_ refuse to turn their heaters on, even when it’s literally freezing outside. Maki’s wearing a thermal vest under her thick wool sweater, though she’s certain that there’s no other garment as inherently un-sexy, but she learned her lesson the last time Nico invited her over for dinner. Nico’s apartment was so freezing that Maki smacked away Nico’s ice cold hand when it attempted to worm its way underneath her shirt, and that perfectly reasonable response led to an argument about civilised room temperatures, where Maki had point blank refused to ever take her clothes off again and… well, it doesn’t matter that she went back on her word less than an hour later. What matters is that Maki’s toasty warm in her thermals now, and she’s not taking off her sweater for _anyone_.

“A present?” Maki repeats.

“Yeah,” Nico smiles sweetly. “In the bag on my desk.”

Maki feels instantly suspicious. Nico’s only given her one present so far, and while it wasn’t a bad gift by any means, she’s not sure she can handle anything more... _extreme._ Especially not when she’s still full from the large portion of curry that Nico made her for dinner.

“Should I… look now?” Maki asks.

“No, ignore it _,_ ” Nico says flatly. “Of course you should look! I think it’ll be super useful tonight~”

Maki swallows. She hoists herself reluctantly out of bed and takes a few slow steps towards the desk. She picks up the small plastic bag. It’s light. It could be anything. She takes a breath and dares to peek inside.

It’s a small, pastel pink toothbrush with a Hello Kitty cap and a free tube of bubblegum flavoured toothpaste included inside the plastic packaging.

Maki’s heart flips. She’s so surprised that she drops it onto Nico’s desk. She picks it up. Then drops it again.

“T-This is for me?” Maki asks, trying to keep her shaking voice casual.

Nico sits up in bed and grins. “I thought it was about time I returned the favour.”

“Hello Kitty?” Maki says, flatly.

“Only the cutest for my Maki-Maki-Maaa,” Nico beams.

Maki twists the toothbrush in her hands. She’s certain that the travel toothbrush in her bag is much better quality. This one is clearly designed for someone that hasn’t yet lost their first set of teeth, so why does it make her feel happy, that Nico got her something so ridiculous?

“I don’t know if I should be grateful or offended...” Maki mutters.

“Be grateful! Nico just gave you an adorable gift!”

“Then…” Maki feels her cheeks heat up. “Thanks?”

Nico’s cheeks turn pink too.

“Geez, don’t make a big deal about it. Nico’s just too busy to take responsibility if Maki’s teeth fall out. And since you keep coming over here and sponging dinner off me-”

“You mean since you keep interrupting my studies and forcing me to come over.”

“Nico’s a responsible senpai. That doesn't sound like me at all~”

Maki picks up her phone. She opens her chat log and scrolls. She makes her voice higher. “ _Maki, I’m cold. Maki, I'm lonely_. _Maki, here’s a billion selfies of me, tell me I’m cute-”_

“Those were _good_ pictures!” Nico snaps. “And it's nothing personal. Even if I did invite you over, it’s only so I can make sure you live off something more nutritious than coffee and cherry tomatoes. Like I said, I’m super responsible.”

“It’s actually an excellent choice for a healthy study snack."

Nico rolls her eyes.

“Maki’s a disaster.”

“And Nico’s a nag. Don't worry so much. It's not like I’m your girlfriend.”

She shoots a daring glance across the room. Nico laughs, but it sounds high and false.

“Right,” Nico makes a face. “Like either of us would ever want _that._ ”

“Yeah,” Maki says, weakly. She perches back on the edge of the bed and watches Nico carefully.

“It's why this works so well, isn't it?” Nico grins. “Because it's just the good parts.”

“Yeah...”

“I’m just glad, you know? This could've been so awkward.” Nico laughs. “Imagine if you fell for me, and you were all, _Nico-nii, you're a precious treasure, let's stay together forever and ever~_ Wouldn’t that be the worst?”

Maki’s heart thumps against her chest. Nico’s looking at her so insistently, that it almost feels like a test.

Maki crinkles her nose.

“Don't be disgusting,” she says.

Nico crawls across the bed. She sits next to Maki and nuzzles her cheek against her.

“Maki's so good. You're smart like me. Too busy to get weighed down by all that serious relationship crap.”

“Yeah,” Maki says. She forces a little conviction into her voice this time. She shakes her head. “There’s no point anyway.”

Nico throws an arm around Maki. “Right?”

Maki laughs, short and humourless.

“I mean, there's literally no point where I'm concerned. No point investing in a relationship when my parents will have a nice, well-connected man lined up ready for me to marry when I graduate.”

Nico leans back so she can look at Maki. The smile drops off her face.

“What the _hell_? You're not serious, are you?”

Maki shrugs. “They won’t force me but… it’s what's expected.”

Nico frowns at her. “Maki…  I might be making an assumption here but aren’t you uh. Aren't you _super_ gay?”

Maki smiles wryly.

“I can’t believe you worked it out. What gave me away?”

“Seriously. Do your parents know?”

“It's a possibility. We haven't really talked about it but... there’s a good chance that they might, um. _S_ _uspect._ ”

“And they're still gonna marry you off to some rich dude anyway?”

“We have an unspoken compromise. They won't set me up with anyone while I'm still attending university. I won't tarnish my family's reputation by making out with girls in front of their snobby, bigoted friends.”

“Maki, you have to _tell_ them. They can't just expect you to-”

“It doesn't really concern you,” Maki says, sharply. “This will be all over by then, won’t it?”

“You're still my friend, Maki. And that sounds like a pretty crappy life.”

Maki tries to ignore the rush of warmth she feels. She's not sure Nico's even called her a friendbefore.

“It's a long way off,” Maki shrugs. “I've got plenty of time to, uhh. _Explore my options_ before then.”

Nico smiles slowly.

“I guess that's the part I can help with, huh?”

Maki smiles back.

“Yeah. I guess it is.”

Nico knocks Maki backwards. Maki makes an ungraceful “oof” sound when she lands uncomfortably on top of her stomach.  Nico shifts into a more comfortable position. She looks down at Maki, brushes her fingers over her cheek and just watches her, with this soft, sympathetic look in her warm red eyes.

Maki doesn’t like it. She doesn’t deserve to be pitied, not when she's always had everything she could ever want in life. Not by someone like Nico, who Maki's starting to work out hasn't had things nearly as easy.

Maki's life feels a bit like ticking timer counting down - to exams, to taking over the hospital, to the end of her freedom as she knows it.

To Nico’s graduation.

To all of this being over.

But if Maki’s learned one thing from this whole Nico thing, it’s that living her whole life worrying about what's going to happen next means what’s happening _now_ will pass her by.

Right now, Maki can kiss Nico as much as she wants.

And right now, that's all that matters.

***

 

Maki's sitting at the table in Nico’s kitchen the next morning when Nozomi breezes through the front door of the apartment, looking soft and serene in a full shrine maiden outfit.

“Good morning, Maki,” she smiles.

Maki's on her second cup and coffee and she still feels mostly dead inside, and yet here's Nozomi - all refreshed and energised and seemingly un-phased that Maki's just sitting in her kitchen all alone while Nico’s in the shower. Maki stops scrolling through the news on her phone and looks up.

“Hey,” Maki says, shifting awkwardly. “Sorry. I was just about to leave. I-I can wait in Nico’s room, if you want.”

“There’s no need to rush off,” Nozomi says. “Like I said before, you're always welcome here.”

“Ah,” Maki says. “Right. Uh, thanks. I appreciate that.”

Nozomi takes a few steps closer.

“Do you mind if I join you?”

“Go ahead,” Maki says. “It's your table.”

“So it is,” Nozomi giggles. She slides into the empty chair.

“So,” Maki says, awkwardly. “You were at the shrine?”

“Yep. I help out when I can. It's such a peaceful place to visit, so make sure you say hi if you're ever in the area. I can even tell your fortune, if you like.”

Maki looks down at the table.

“I always wonder…” she mutters, “Why are you nice to me? I've not exactly been… friendly.”

Nozomi hums thoughtfully.

“You have a very pleasant aura,” she says.

Maki frowns. “I do?”

Nozomi nods. “Yep! And I’ve always hoped we could get to know each other better. Elicchi thinks very highly of you, you know. Nicocchi does too.”

Maki snorts. “I doubt that.”

Nozomi blinks. She looks at Maki questioningly.

“She doesn't even like me,” Maki clarifies. “I'm just...” she flushes, “ _Convenient_.”

“You say that,” Nozomi says, “But I never see anyone else here eating breakfast.”

Maki’s eyebrows shoot up. “I-Is that so?”

“You look surprised,” Nozomi says.

“I’m not - I just thought-”

“You’ve been seeing each other a lot recently, haven’t you?

“Have we? I hadn’t really noticed…”

Nico chooses that exact moment to start singing in the shower. Her voice is loud even over the sound of the running water. Maki laughs. So does Nozomi. Maki composes herself. She tucks a strand of hair casually behind her ear.

“Do you want Nico to like you?” Nozomi asks, softly.

“Why - Why would I want that?”

“I know you got off to a bad start, but it wouldn't be such a surprise, you know. Being so _intimate_ with someone… it's only natural that feelings might develop.”

Maki coils her hair tightly around her finger. The water stops running. Maki looks down at the table because it's easier than looking at Nozomi.

“I’m not trying to interfere, so forgive me if I'm out of line here. I just meant that if you ever want to _talk-_ ”

“Thanks, but that won’t be necessary. It's not like that. I don't have feelings for-”

The bathroom door swings open. Maki presses her lips together and tries her best to look casual. Nico stands in the doorway with her hands on her hips, body and hair wrapped in small, fluffy towels.

“You’ve gone quiet,” Nico says. “Were you talking about me? How jealous you are? How you go to sleep every night praying you could wake up looking more like Nico-”

“We were just speculating, actually,” Nozomi says. “I was wondering if someone in Nicocchi’s family left that Hello Kitty toothbrush behind?”

Nico smirks and shakes her head. “Nope. It’s Maki’s.”

“ _Oh,_ ” Nozomi giggles. “My mistake. I didn’t realise you still had your baby teeth.”

Maki points an accusatory finger at Nico. “She bought it for me!”

Nozomi’s smile widens. “Did she?”

Nico strikes a pose and shows her teeth.

“Nico-nii always endorses a shiny, healthy smile~ We can’t have Maki’s teeth falling out now can we?”

“How thoughtful of you.” Nozomi beams. “Maki does have such a beautiful smile.”

Maki feels her cheeks heat up.

Nico huffs.

“Hey! You can’t just hit on my Maki…friend...person right in front of me!”

Nozomi looks at Nico. Maki looks at Nico.

“Do what you want! I don’t care. I’m going to get dressed!”

Nozomi raises her eyebrows as the door slams closed.

“It is a very cute toothbrush,” Nozomi beams.

Maki just groans.

***

 

The last few weeks of the semester whiz by in a blur of exam stress. Nico’s busy a lot, running lines and cramming in rehearsals for her big end of year performance. Maki’s busy too. A week goes by and they barely even see each other, but Maki’s quite relieved, actually. She’s happy to trade the trembling nerves and excitement that Nico brings for a quiet, easy life. She definitely doesn’t check Nico’s online accounts regularly to search for evidence that she’s seeing someone else. She barely even notices she's gone, if she’s honest.

But then Nico starts showing up at Maki’s place again. Because it’s closer to school, she says. Because _someone,_ she says, has to remind Maki to stop studying and actually get some rest. Because it’s a stressful time of year for them both, and don't they deserve some relief? Because it's convenient and mutually beneficial, like everything else they do.

Sometimes they have sex.

Sometimes they don't.

Maki doesn’t think about it too much. She proceeds as normal, because she doesn't have time for anything else. She doesn't have time to dwell on how Nico stops texting ahead to confirm and just starts turning up most nights between 9pm and midnight. She doesn’t have time to think about what it _means_ , that they start texting on the days when they're _not_ free instead of on the days when they are.

It becomes such a comfortable routine that one night Maki glances down at the time on her laptop and it shocks her when she notices it's after one in the morning - way after the time that last train pulls into the closest station to her apartment - and Nico isn't around.

She checks her phone. No messages. She send Nico a very casual message, but receives no notification that she’s even read it. Maki waits exactly ten minutes before she tries to call her. She gets an instant  _Nico-Nico_ voicemail.

Maki doesn’t exactly _worry._ She just gets this weird twisted feeling in her stomach, because Nico could be lying in a ditch somewhere. She could be lying in someone else's bed. But of course that’s not Maki’s concern. There's no need for her to be sitting around anxiously twisting at her hair and tapping her foot and scanning the same summary of the same journal article six times over, is there? She's calm. She doesn't care. It's by no means a big deal.

Ten minutes later and Maki’s checked all Nico’s profiles in an attempt to reassure herself that she’s alive and not seeking sexual pleasure with someone else. Nothing's been updated for hours, and that’s suspiciously unlike Nico. But who’s worried? Certainly not Maki.

Thirty minutes later and Maki's hair is sticking out at every possible angle from raking her fingers through it so many times. She’s read seven articles on the widely discussed topic of sexual activity outside of romantic commitment to distract herself, in addition to taking two quizzes - _Does Your Friend With Benefits Have Feelings?_ and _just FWB or is he the one?_

She finds the bias towards heterosexuality extremely irritating. She reads over her quiz results once more.

 _A suave catch like this is hard to come by. He’s into you, but he's not ready to commit, and you're not ready to lose your friendship. These situations can be tricky but hang in there, girl! Impress him, and maybe one day he’ll open his eyes and realise you’re the girl of his dreams! [Still not sure? Try our Love, Lust or Loser? quiz_]

Maki groans and clears her internet history twice, although she'd already used private browsing. She should just give up. Go to sleep. Set her laptop on fire because some government agency could still uncover her search history and she couldn't possibly deal with that kind of embarrassment.

Maki flops forward onto her desk. She lays there for somewhere between thirty seconds and thirty minutes, questioning the poor life choices that have led to her becoming this pathetic. If only she’d ignored Nico when they’d first met. If she’d trusted all her instincts that Nico was trouble. Then she wouldn't be in this mess. Wouldn't feel so  _weird._

Maki’s apartment buzzer makes her jump out of her seat. She stands and does a brief, nervous lap around her apartment before she picks up the intercom receiver with a shaking hand.

“H-Hello?” she says.

“It's me. Let me in.”

Nico’s voice sounds flat. She's at Maki’s front door moments later. Her nose is red. Her coat is cute. She looks exhausted.

“You could've called,” Maki grumbles. “It’s almost 2AM. I might’ve been asleep.”

Nico flops into the apartment and kicks off her boots.

“Maki. Don’t. I've had _such_ a crappy day.”

Maki frowns. “What happened?”

“Well, first there was this power outage at work, but the boss made me stay open and all these tourists were like, _please_ _, just make me a crepe,_ and I’m there like, sure, okay, I'll just cook one with no electricity using my magical hands!  _Then_ the student director tried to cut one of Nico's key scenes so I had to fight him about that and it was just like, ugh, come on, opening night is next _week_.  _And!_ I thought I'd head back to yours because it's closer, yeah? But I just got stuck on the subway for a whole hour because the train broke down and my phone died and then I finally got out and some drunk guy threw up outside the station and it was _this close_ to hitting my shoe!”

Nico huffs out a breath.

Maki pats her arm awkwardly.

“That does sounds... bad,” she says.

Nico starts to unravel her scarf. She gives up halfway and groans loudly and flops against Maki instead.

“Ugh, I'm so _tired,_ ” Nico whines.

“Take off your coat.” Maki says.

Nico just grunts. Maki helps her out of it, and she almost laughs. She’d kissed Nico, wild and reckless, in this same spot by her front door, all those months ago. She never once imagined that they’d end up _here_. That she’d get to see Nico like this. Unguarded. Kind of pathetic. Really, _really_ cute.

“If you want to go to sleep, then cooperate. Let’s go.”

Nico refuses to move her lifeless limbs.

“Carry me,” she says.

Maki sighs loudly. Nico squeaks when Maki actually picks her up. She’s not sure if Nico’s heavier than she looks, or if it's Maki’s own muscles that need some work, but she knows she feels relief when she drops her gracelessly down onto the bed.

“Take off your clothes,” Maki says.

Nico kicks out on leg.

“You do it. Let Nico be the princess for once.”

Maki takes Nico’s fluffy pyjamas from her drawer and throws them at her.

“Do it yourself.”

Nico whips off her socks and tosses them towards Maki’s laundry basket. (That's another weird thing. Sometimes Nico does _laundry_ in Maki’s apartment, even after Maki admits that her family housekeeper still calls round to take care of that stuff sometimes.)

She rolls onto her side and does that stupid cute pouting thing. She seems a lot more capable of moving than she'd pretended to be moments earlier.

“You’ve undressed Nico before,” she says, fluttering her long lashes.

“Those were different circumstances.” Maki crosses her arms. “I'm not doing that now.”

“Why not?” she pouts. “Nico's had _such_ a rough day.”

Maki crosses her arms.

“I’m not going to put in _effort_  if you're just going to fall asleep again.”

“Come _on._ That was one time! I didn't even fall asleep. I was just really, really relaxed, okay?”

“It's not supposed to be relaxing!”

“It’s a _compliment._ Geez, there's no need to get all offended.”

Nico shuffles into the pyjamas. Maki thinks about averting her eyes, but it's not like modesty means anything to them at this point.

Maki looks at Nico, all comfortable in her bed _again._ It's weird that they keep doing this. This whole thing is not normal.

“Why’s Maki just standing there? Hurry up already.”

“Move then,” Maki says.

She nudges Nico so they can shuffle under the covers. Maki wraps her arms around Nico, and Nico makes a soft sound and nuzzles close, and it’s so stupid and unfair, being this close to someone when it doesn't mean what it's supposed to.

“Hey. Who did that?” Nico asks, voice muffled against Maki's neck.

“What?”

Nico prods her neck.

“That big red mark. Who gave you that?”

“ _You_.”

“I did not.”

“Um, yes you did.”

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Who else would it be?"

“ _Oh_ ,” Nico yawns. “Oops.”

Maki feels her relax. She soothes her hands down Nico's back.

“Hey,” Maki nudges her. “Isn't this the part where you spend three hours getting ready for bed?”

“Too tired.”

“Your _makeup-_ ”

“Not wearing any.”

“Liar.”

“Shhhhh,” Nico says.

Maki closes her eyes. Nico’s breathing gets slower and heavier.

“Nico?”

“Mm?”

“Why do you come here?” Maki asks, quietly. “If you just want to sleep, then why do you always-”

Her voice trails off. Nico shifts. 

“I dunno,” she says. “I guess I have trouble sleeping sometimes. It might be weird, but... Maki helps me _relax._ ”

“It’s the same for me,” Maki says, softly.

She looks at Nico for a long moment before she stretches out her free hand to turn off her lamp. She'll definitely get a dead arm if they fall asleep this way, but Nico’s so warm and Maki’s so _weak_ that she can't stand to push her away.

Maki thinks about that one night - the not-date - where they drank a little too much sake and talked for hours and kissed so softly before they fell asleep, like all this meant something. She wonders what Nico would do if Maki did that again. If it’d be crossing the line too much to brush the hair back off Nico’s forehead and just press her lips against it.

She wonders what'd happen if Maki let it slip out casually: _I think I want this. I want you._

Just _thinking_ about that makes her feel nauseous.

Because Maki knows, more than anything, that Nico doesn't want this.

And there's at least a hundred reasons why Maki shouldn't want it either.

_***_

 

Maki finishes her exams with minimal tears and just that one very minor panic attack. Her results will be fine, probably. It's out of her control now anyway.

She steps out of her final exam into the cold air and breathes out a sigh of relief _._ It's almost winter break, which means it's almost Christmas, and she has plans with her family, time to see her friends, time to read an actual novel. Time to think about how to proceed with the Nico situation instead of blissfully ignoring it and - _no_. She’ll stick to the novel, thanks. That sounds so much more pleasant.

Maki's classmates try persuade her to join them for end of semester drinks. She gets asked, weirdly enough, by that girl from her group, the one that had sent her a grovelling message to check over their contributions to their project submission about three hours before the deadline.

Maki declines politely and heads straight home. She wants nothing more than to take a short nap, so she’s nice and refreshed ready for the theatre department’s winter performance.

Nico seemed weirdly embarrassed when Maki turned up to buy a ticket from her stall on campus. Maki played it cool and mentioned she was mostly going to watch Hanayo, and Nico played it cool and didn't even slightly hint at the nature of their relationship to the cheerful redhead sitting beside her.

Gaudy musical theatre isn’t exactly Maki’s thing, but Maki can’t deny that she’s curious. Maki's often seen Nico act dramatic, but she's never seen her actually perform, and it’s kind of weird, she thinks, how they’re doing things backwards. Maki knows a lot of _intimate_ details about Nico, but she still doesn’t know all that much about her _personally._

When Maki wakes up from her nap, it’s already dark, and only forty minutes before the start of the performance. She jumps out of bed, grumbling and attempts to scramble together a cute outfit. Why does she _always_ oversleep at the worst possible moments?

Maki arrives too late to sit with Rin, who waves at her from her comfortable spot with Hanayo’s family. Nozomi and Eli had attended the night before, so it’s not like she can sit with them. Maki sees a couple of people she recognises, but it's too much of a hassle, to go make awkward small talk with some acquaintances just so she doesn't have to sit alone.

Maki ends up slipping into one of the only empty seats she can find, at the end of a row near the front, next to several excitable looking children. She pulls out her phone and shrinks down into her seat. She hopes Nico doesn't find out she's sitting alone, or worse, with a couple of kids she doesn't even know. How _embarrassing_.

“It’s a shame Mama couldn't make it for both performances,” she hears the girl to her left say.

“Yeah,” another girl agrees. “Especially since she brings so much to this role.”

“It’s so selfless of her to let someone else try a leading role when everyone knows that the star is-” she pauses for a breath.

“Nico-Nico-Nii!” They trill in unison.

Maki jumps at just the sound of that catch phrase. She almost falls out of her seat.

“Excuse me,” she says, turning to face them. “Did you just say - are you Nico’s-”

Two faces turn to stare at her. It's immediately obvious who they are. In fact, it's disturbing how much they look like her. Like two tiny pre-teen Nicos.

“We’re her sisters!” One girl says.

“Are you a fan?” smiles the other.

“I’m… a friend,” she says, slowly. “My name’s Maki.”

The two girls look dramatically at each other. “Maki,” one of them whispers.

A smaller boy leans around from a seat further away and points at her. “Piano,” he says.

“It’s a shame she can't cook,” one of the girls says, in a hushed voice. “She'll never make a good housewife.”

“But _look._ She’s even prettier than I imagined,” the other one says. “They must look so cute together!”

“She can be so stubborn,” the first one says, and they both hum thoughtfully.

“But she’s rich. The wedding would be so extravagant.”

They both exchange a long look, then nod

“We approve,” they say in unison.

“E-Excuse me?” Maki stammers.

“I’m Cocoro,” says one of the girls. “This is Cocoa and Cotarou. You have our blessing. Welcome to the family.”

“Maki, can you do my hair like yours?” Cocoa asks.

“Teach me piano,” says Cotarou.

Maki just blinks at them, completely baffled as they bombard her with questions. She’s not prepared for this. She’s always been the youngest child, even in her extended family. She doesn't know what to do with _children_. Where's their guardian? The oldest girl must be twelve at best. And why do they know so much about her?

“Wait a minute,” Maki says. “I don't-”

“Guess who got snacks,” a cute voice chirps.

Maki turns her head slowly and reluctantly, embarrassed by how weird it must look that she’s just sitting here talking to someone else’s kids. Thankfully it's not Nico’s mother – Maki’s not sure she could handle how weird it'd be to meet her too – but a long haired girl about Maki’s own age, who slides into the seat beside Cotarou. She smiles at Maki. She’s almost intimidatingly cute. Another girl leans over to pass down the snacks, and she’s serious, cool-looking. It takes Maki a moment to work out that it’s Sonoda, who she met on Eli’s birthday.

“Snacks,” Cotarou says, looking pleased.

“This is our new friend,” Cocoa says, leaning over Cocoro to grab Maki's hand.

“How nice!” says the brown haired girl.

“Ah,” Sonoda says, leaning closer to Maki. “Nishikino, isn’t it? We’re supposed to be watching them. I hope they haven't been bothering you too much.”

“No,” Maki says. “It’s fine-”

“Nishikino?” says the brown haired girl. “Aren't you Nico’s...” she pauses. Makes a cute thinking face. “You’re her friend, right?”

Maki nods slowly. Why do people know who she is? It never crossed her mind once that Nico might actually _talk_ about her to other people. 

“I'm Minami, but you can call me Kotori. I'm a friend of Nico’s too. She helps me with costumes a lot!”

Maki’s stomach churns. _This_ is Kotori, who Nico spends all those late nights with? This adorable, well-dressed, cheerful, sunshine person? Not that it’s any of Maki’s business it’s just… when she says she’s a friend of Nico’s too, she means a friend like Nozomi, right? Not a friend like _Maki_ , surely?

“D-Do you know Nico well?” Maki asks, twisting at her hair.

“She’s a good friend,” Kotori smiles. “I don't know how I’d manage without her.”

“Us too!” Cocoa chirps.

Cocoro smiles. “She's always looked after us.”

The lights start to dim and the band start to play. All three of Nico’s siblings sit up straighter in her seats.

Maki leans back in her chair and smiles.

“She looks after me too,” she says, softly.

***

 

The crowd finish clapping, and Maki sits back down in her seat. Her arms are prickling with goosebumps. The whole performance carried a level of professionalism she just hadn’t expected. There were a few missteps and a few flat notes, and yet Maki still enjoyed herself a lot more than she expected to. Hanayo was great in her smaller role - more confident than Maki had ever seen her - and Nico… Nico had the audience eating out of her hand, rooting for her and laughing at her jokes. Kira Tsubasa might have been technically better in the leading role, but Nico had this unrivalled energy, this natural stage presence that made Maki feel weirdly _proud._ She couldn’t stop herself from smiling along. It hadn't really helped much, with Maki's mission to crush down her painfully embarrassing and inconvenient feelings.

Cocoa leans over and grabs Maki’s hand again when the audience start to leave.

“You should come backstage!”

Maki glances at Kotori. “I don't know…”

“It's fine,” Kotori says. “We’re heading there too to find Honoka, right Umi?”

"You're very welcome to join us." Umi smiles.

Maki follows them reluctantly through a stage door, and she feels weirdly nervous. She doesn’t want to see Nico right now. She might be tempted do something weird like hug her in front of everyone, or admit out loud how nice it was, to see her look so _happy_ when she received a particularly loud cheer at the end.

Backstage is a mess of props and sweaty half-dressed people. It's cramped and uncomfortable and Maki shouldn't be here, celebrating with all these people she’s never met. She should excuse herself. She'll congratulate Hanayo on the way out. She’s about to sneak back out when Nico spots her siblings and comes charging over.

“It’s my biggest fans! What did you all think of Nico-Nico-N- _oh._ Maki's here?”

Nico looks at her a little suspiciously. Maki tries to look as cool as she can with all three of Nico’s siblings clinging to her limbs.

“She's our friend too now,” says Cocoro.

“She’s going to dye my hair red,” says Cocoa.

“She's buying me a piano,” says Cotarou.

Nico shoots her a questioning look.

“I never said that!” Maki says, glancing helplessly at Nico. She tries to tug her arm free and Cotarou just clings on tighter. “We ended up sat together. It was a coincidence.”

“Sounds like a weird coincidence to me,” Nico says.

Maki squirms. Why does this have to look like something weird when it's not _?_

“It's true!” Maki says, and Nico just frowns.

“Well, I’m glad you're all getting along, but don't forget who the star is here.”

Nico flips her hair. Her siblings dive on her all at once, chirping about how good she was. Maki watches Nico making a fuss of them all - playing up her smugness, but in this warm, affectionate way - and she feels that familiar gnawing in her stomach. Nico's so sweet with them. Her family clearly love her a lot.

Maki watches them all take pictures together. They even force her into one. Growing up, she sometimes wished she had a sibling so there’d be less pressure on her, so she wouldn't have to take on the burden of being the sole heir to the Nishikino family business. Now she thinks maybe it would’ve been nice just to have someone to be close to. It makes her feel kind of lonely, that she never had that, though of course being an only child was much less of a hassle.

“I think I have time to sign some exclusive autographs," Nico grins. "Does Maki want one too?”

“I’ll pass.”

“You’re missing out.”

“I’ll live.”

“Oh!” Cocoro says. She looks up from a little pink flip phone that looks like it's older than she is. “Mama’s outside!”

“I'll walk you guys out,” Nico says.

“No!” says Cocoa. “The fans! They'll surround you. You'll never make it back!”

“Stay here!” says Cocoro. “It's the safest option! Maki will take care of you.”

They disagree about it for a few moments, until Nico finally gives in and they all hug goodbye. Maki's not expecting them to latch onto _her_ again. She has no idea why they even seem to like her. She doesn't know how make conversation with them. She doesn't know how to do anything other than pat them awkwardly on the head when they hug her goodbye.

“Come see us at Christmas, Maki?” Cocoro asks.

“Christmas,” Cotarou echoes.

“You _have_ to!” says Cocoa.

“I’ll be away with my parents,” Maki says. “But maybe some other time? Well, if Nico doesn't mind, that is.”

She glances over to her. Nico smiles.

“Nico doesn't mind, but Mama might if you guys are late after she's worked hard all day.”

They all hug goodbye again, like they won't see each other for years, though Maki's sure Nico's going to be spending Christmas with them. The Yazawas sure are a dramatic family… It’s cute, in an exhausting way.

“Ah,” Nico sighs, as she waves them off. “They're so energetic.”

“I know where they get it from,” Maki smiles. She follows Nico to a quiet corner of the room. “They're good kids.”

“They sure are,” Nico smiles. She starts changing out of her costume. Maki flushes a little at the sight of her in just her bra, though she’s seen her undress so many times before.

“It's weird,” Maki says. “They knew a lot about me.”

Nico startles and drops her shirt on the floor. She bends to pick it up and beams a big false grin.

“T-They’re smart like that. Good at guessing. Real good intuition, you know?”

“I met Kotori. She’d heard of me too…”

“Coincidence! It's a small world! Hey you haven’t even complimented Nico once on the performance! Don't I deserve better than that?”

“You're right,” Maki says. “You were great, Nico.”

Maki's expecting some big headed response but Nico’s cheeks flush pink.

“R-Really? Thanks,” she says. She looks down at the floor. She looks so _cute._

“It's obvious that you put a lot of work into it,” Maki says. “You're a natural. I was… surprised I didn't dislike it, actually."

Nico grins cheekily.

“Please. Don't hold back. Tell me all about how Nico stole the show and the hearts of the audience and captivated you with her-”

“Too far,” Maki says.

Nico grumbles. She’s much less distracting when she's wearing a shirt.

“So, where are you taking me to celebrate? Dinner? Drinks? A private little spot backstage? I want you to take your time singing Nico's praises. These things can't be rushed, after all.”

Maki shrugs. “You choose. It's your night. Plus I might not see you for a while after today.”

Nico frowns. “Why?”

“Like I said, I’m going away with my family.”

“Oh, you’re really going? You weren't just lying to the kids?”

“Of course not. We always go away for Christmas.”

“Let me guess. Skiing? A log cabin in the snow with a big fireplace and a gigantic tree?”

Maki squirms. She looks down at her feet.

“Did I get it right?” Nico squeaks, gleefully. “Oh my god, rich people are so predictable~”

“Shut up,” Maki says.

Nico links her arm through Maki's.

“Guess we’d better make the most of tonigh-ahh!”

Nico stands up straighter. Her eyes go all gross and sparkly. Maki turns around in confusion. Tsubasa smiles widely at her.

“T-Tsubasa,” Nico stammers out, in a cutesy little high pitched voice. “Great job tonight! You were amazing as always!”

“You too. And thanks again for baking those cookies for us,” she smiles, and Nico flushes. Tsubasa touches Maki on her shoulder. “It’s been a while, stranger.”

Nico flips from sparkly to grouchy in approximately three seconds. She arranges her smile again quickly but Maki catches it.

“It has,” Maki nods. “Are you well?”

“All the better for meeting you here,” Tsubasa smiles, and Maki flushes. “How come I never see you in the music room anymore?”

"Sorry," Maki says. "I've been busy."

“Tsubasa,” Nico says, looking between the two of them. “How do you know my,” she pauses. Thinks. “ _Friend._ ”

Her tone makes Maki blush harder. Tsubasa smiles widely.

“I’m a _friend_ of Maki’s too,” she says, and she doesn’t have to say it like that does she? She makes it sound so suspicious.

“How nice!” Nico chirps. “I had no idea. Maki never mentioned you?”

“I’m hurt,” Tsubasa says. “We should catch up, Maki. Drinks?”

“Ah,” Maki says. “I’d like to, but Nico and I already have plans.”

Nico’s eyes widen. “Uh huh. Yeah. P-Plans.”

“Next time?” Maki says.

“Sure. I guess I’ll wait until then,” Tsubasa winks.

She turns and leaves, as graceful as ever.

Nico tugs on Maki’s arm. She grabs her bag and they head outside of the theatre, shivering at the cold.

“I can’t believe you just blew her off,” Nico hisses. “Do you _know_ who that is? She's the star of the entire department.”

“Of course I know.”

“W-Wait. Do you as know as in you _know?_ ”

Maki shrugs. “I spent a lot of time in the music department in my first year. Tsubasa happened to be there a lot too.”

“But you didn't like - you didn't date or anything, did you?” Nico smacks a hand over her mouth. “ _Did you?_ H-H-Have I indirectly kissed Tsubasa?”

“It wasn't like that,” Maki says, and Nico just frowns at her. “Where are we even going?”

“I don’t really care,” Nico storms off ahead.

Maki sends a quick message to Hanayo saying she was great and she’s sorry she couldn’t stick around.

Nico reaches the train station first and taps in through the gate. Maki follows her.

“You could've got the drink, you know,” Nico says, when they’re standing on the platform. “It's not like we’re exclusive or anything.”

“Okay," Maki says. "But I didn't want to?”

“No, but I’m just saying that I wouldn’t have minded. I wouldn't have minded one bit.”

“Really?” Maki says. "Because you kind of looked like you were going to cry.”

The train rolls onto the platform.

“I did not! That's slander. Take it back! I can't believe you'd even _think_ that-"

“Are you jealous?"

Nico scoffs. “Don’t be ridiculous! Go back. Find Tsubasa. Be my guest. I don’t care one bit.”

Nico hmphs and climbs on board, though they still haven't worked out where they're actually going.

The train is mostly empty. Nico finds a seat easily. Maki drops down beside her.

“You don’t have to worry, you know,” Maki says softly. “I’m not really interested in anyone else right now.”

She stares straight ahead, but she can feel Nico's eyes on her.

The train doors close. Nico’s fingers brush ever so lightly against her hand. Maki’s heart thuds against her chest.

Nico’s voice is so soft that it's barely audible over the sound of the train against the tracks, so soft that Maki thinks she could've made it up. But Maki hears it. She knows she does.

Nico's soft voice saying, _“Me either.”_

 


	5. absolutely no dates

**8.** **Absolutely no dates**

Nico doesn't mean to say it. It just kind of slips out.

There’s just a lot going on, okay? All that post-performance adrenaline racing through Nico’s body, and the memory of Tsubasa’s pretty face close to _Maki’s_ pretty face, and Maki’s voice, all soft and low, as she just casually drops that bombshell on Nico, that she’s not really interested in anyone else right now.

Nico just gets caught up in the moment, that's all. She doesn't have much time to _think._

She only says two words back. Two regular and unspectacular words, and yet somehow it takes both of them by surprise. It creates this weird atmosphere where Maki turns to Nico and just kind of stares at her with wide, pretty eyes, and Nico freezes up and pretends to be super interested in the buildings and bright lights blurring past the window. She tries not to think about how much she means it. How terrifying it is that she’s barely even thought about anyone else since Maki walked across that stupid bar in her stupidly tight jeans and heels and changed everything _._

Now, Nico wants to backtrack. Really, she does. She wants to point out that she didn't mean it like that _,_ but she _can't._ Because there's this look of relief on Maki’s face when Nico sneaks another look at it and, honestly, Nico feels it too. Because Maki just turned down a drink with the most talented and well-admired person in their whole freaking school to ride this unpleasantly scented train to - wait, where are they even going?

It concerns Nico. Really, it does. They've been way too close and comfortable lately, Nico knows that. But the only thing that’s dragged her through the last few manic weeks of endless rehearsals and hammering out all those assignments she was supposed to start months ago has been the thought of going back to Maki’s place at the end of a stupidly long day. The promise of her soothing voice and her stupid soft skin, the thought of Maki’s fingers trailing through Nico’s hair as she lays beside her and just listens to her breathe.

Nico knows it's wrong. Lying in Maki’s arms is not something she's supposed to enjoy, never mind get used to. She’s not supposed to feel stomach-twisting nausea at the thought of her not-girlfriend and Tsubasa being all gross and cosy.

But it’s almost Christmas. Everyone gets all warm and fuzzy when it's cold and there are twinkling lights everywhere, right? _Right?_

Nico hasn’t even got Maki a present and what could be more casual and unattached than that? Well, okay, sure, she might have brought something along if Maki had the decency to mention she was going away sooner, but that’s not the point. The point is she hasn't got her anything, and isn't that just so so casual?

A nice long winter break is exactly what Nico needs. Quality time at home with her favourite people in the world. She’ll have so much fun that she’ll probably forget what Maki even looks like.

And when she gets back, she'll be prepared. Barriers and boundaries up at full force. Sharp scholarly focus for her final semester before she graduates and becomes a wise woman of the world. She’ll be a new Nico in a new year - intelligent and worldly and even more sophisticated than usual. She’ll probably even make a special effort to stop napping in class.

She won’t let things get any more out of hand. That's just not something Nico has time for.

As long as she doesn't think about it. How happy she felt when Maki said that.

_“I’m not really interested in anyone else right now.”_

***

 

Nico doesn't hear from Maki once over the first week of winter break. She likes that. She's far too busy with her family to even notice. Sure, there are occasions where Nico wants to tell her something she knows will make her laugh or snap her an exclusive selfie when she’s looking particularly cute, but she resists. The new boundary-respecting Nico recognises that stuff is reserved for girlfriends and good friends and not _-_ under any circumstances - sex friends.

Nico’s genuinely overjoyed that Maki’s too rude to contact her. There’s nothing she wants more than a healthy bit of distance between the two of them. She doesn't think about Maki. Doesn't wonder what she’s doing. Doesn’t glance over at her phone when she swears she hears it vibrate, only to feel disappointed when she finds no new notifications.

She doesn't care one bit that it's been a whole week, and Nico hasn’t seen a single photo of Maki’s rich girl adventures. Sure, if Nico was Maki, she’d make sure to upload at least one so that all her friends know she hasn’t broken both her unnaturally long legs skiing, but Nico guesses she's just more of an empathetic, crowd-pleasing people person than Maki is.

Nico doesn’t dwell on it. Even if she’s convinced Maki’s princess hotel mansion dreamhouse must have Wi-Fi. She doesn't share a post or two that she knows Maki would enjoy to try and lure her into hitting like on something. She doesn’t walk past the pretty winter illuminations and think about how it might’ve been kind of nice, if her and Maki had ended up wandering through them together. She _definitely_ doesn't check Tsubasa’s profile to make sure she's not taking a Christmas vacation at the same fancy resort as Maki's family.

Nico doesn’t exactly care, but it does piss her off, just the tiniest amount, because doesn’t Maki miss Nico? It doesn’t make sense, does it? To just drop something like that on Nico and then leave and not even call once. If Maki’s not interested in anyone else right now, shouldn’t she act like it?

But, of course, Maki can do what she wants. Nico would probably be too busy to answer if she got in touch anyway. If Maki wants a stupid silent stand-off, then Nico’s definitely going to win.

***

 

Nico breaks first.

But it doesn’t count, not really. She sends an adorable photo of herself and her siblings with a cutesy generic message to basically _everyone_ on Christmas Eve. There’s no special meaning outside of warm, seasonal greetings.

She almost drops her phone when Maki replies within ten minutes. She sends back a simple _Merry Christmas_ and a photo of herself wearing the ugliest red sweater Nico’s ever seen. It has _Maki_ embroidered in glittery gold letters just above a jolly looking Santa, surrounded by no less than seven elves. She has this mildly disgruntled expression on her face, and yet she still manages to look unreasonably cute. It’s so embarrassing and so perfect that Nico wants to scream.

She stares at the photo for longer than she should. It's rare for her to get a moment of quiet like this when she’s at home, but she sent her family out for a few hours with strict instructions to stay away while she gets everything perfectly prepared for Christmas, and they're not due back for a while.

And Nico's almost finished. So it sort of seems like perfect timing.

She takes a breath and hits call. She’s actually kind of surprised when Maki answers.

“Hey,” Maki says.

It’s just one word, but Nico’s heart flutters. Why does Maki have such a nice voice? Why does it always sound so smooth and pretty no matter what she’s saying, whether she’s angry or confused or - no Nico. Bad Nico. _Focus._

“I just called to tell you that’s the most hideous sweater I have ever seen,” Nico says, gleefully.

Maki makes an embarrassed noise.

“I had to wear it. F-For the family photo.”

Nico stifles the urge to shriek.

“Wait, do your whole family have them? Do you match? Oh my god, you have to send me a picture!”

“No. Forget about it. I’m taking it off right now.”

“Ohh? Then maybe you could send Nico a picture of that?”

“I didn’t even mean to send you the first one! It was an accident. A mistake.”

“Then I guess I got lucky, huh? Maki looks so cute. It’s gonna be Nico’s new background.”

“No, Nico. Do _not_ -”

“Done~”

“Delete it. Delete it right now! Nico!”

“Maki,” a voice calls out in the background. “Did you just say something?”

“No, Mama,” Maki calls out. Her voice is muffled, like she’s covering the mouthpiece. “I’m just uh. Just on the phone.”

The voice gets closer. “Who is it? Someone special?”

“I-It’s no one! Just someone from school.”

“Ohhh,” Maki’s mama coos. “Don’t let me interrupt then.” Her voice gets louder. “Honey, don't go into Maki's room, she’s talking to a special friend from school-”

“I’m not!” Maki yells back. “Geez, just leave me alone for one minute-”

“And she wants to be left alone!”

“ _Stop!”_

Nico hears a minor scuffle and the sound of a door closing forcefully.

“Sorry,” Maki mutters.

Nico giggles. “Your Mama sounds so cute.”

“My whole family’s here. They’re all gonna think we’re talking about something weird,” Maki grumbles.

“You think they’ll find out? That Maki just tried to send poor innocent Nico a dirty picture?”

“I did not!”

Nico laughter fades out into a soft lull of silence.

“So…” Nico says. “Are you having a good break? You're not just studying, are you?”

“No. I’m doing other stuff. It’s good.”

“Good,” Nico says. “That sounds... good.”

“And you? Are you uhh. Are you having a nice time with your family?”

“Yep! It’s so nice to see everyone, and the kids are so excited! They really missed Nico!”

“I’m glad,” Maki says. “You looked happy. In your photo.”

“Ahhh, thanks! It was cute, right?”

“Yeah.”

Another silence. Nico clears her throat.

“Well, look, don’t let me keep you if you're busy with your family. I’m just waiting for everyone to get back and... I just wanted to hear your voice. Y-You know, to check you’re still alive. Since you’ve been ignoring Nico this whole time.”

Nico tries to go for a light, teasing tone, but the last part comes out kind of flat and grouchy.

She hears Maki huff.

“What are you talking about?” Maki asks.

“Just that it’s not so hard to drop an occasional message, is it?”

“You told me not to.”

Nico frowns. “When?”

“After your performance! Before we said goodbye. What was it you said…” Maki’s voice goes offensively high-pitched. “ _Nico’s gonna be sooooo busy so let's just talk after break, okay?”_

“Oh, did I? Well I didn’t mean-”

“It’s fine. Just forget it.” Maki mutters, “It’s just typical Nico…”

“What does that mean?”

“ _Don’t talk to me, why aren’t you talking to me? Don’t act so affectionate, why are you being so cold?_ I don’t get you. I never know what you want.”

Nico frowns. She only called to make fun of a couple of elves on a sweater. She didn't sign up for _this._

The worst part is, Maki probably has a point. Because here’s the thing: Nico always knows what she wants. She doesn't always get it, sure, but she always _knows_. Only lately, it's become kind of apparent that when it comes to Maki, she’s not as sure as she used to be.

“Don’t worry about that,” Nico says, deflecting with a cheerful voice. “That’s the beauty of this kind of thing, right?  Forget about me and worry about what you want. What _do_ you want, Maki?”

Maki pauses. The silence feels weirdly heavy this time.

“I can’t tell you,” Maki says.

“Is it something kinky? Because, like, I’d probably be up for it? I mean, depending on what it is of course-”

“I-It’s nothing like that.”

“Then what-”

“Trust me,” Maki says, flatly. “You don’t want to know.”

Nico frowns. Does she - she doesn’t _mean -_

“I have to go,” Maki says. “They’re calling me for dinner.”

“Ooh,” Nico chirps, and she's not sure if she's relieved or disappointed. “Dinner! That reminds me, I have lots of vegetables to chop. Have fun, okay?”

“Yeah,” Maki says. “Merry Christmas, Nico.”

Nico closes her eyes and leans her head back against the wall.

“Yeah,” she says. “You too.”

***

 

“I have a problem,” Nico says, gravely.

It’s three days after New Year and she’s tucked away in away in a quiet little corner of a reasonably priced bar with Nozomi and Eli. She’s wearing a thick wool hat, even though the heaters are on full blast, and her darkest glasses, even though winter’s been so dreary that Nico barely remembers what the sun looks like.

Nico has firmly ignored any questioning looks she’s received so far, because it’s a perfectly valid fashion choice, actually. When you're on the path to becoming a high profile superstar like Nico, you really can't be too careful about the sorts of things that people might overhear.

And she really can’t risk anyone overhearing this.

Maki's been away for more than two weeks now, and it _does_ seem pretty unlikely that she might just stroll by and hear them talking, but Nico still glances over her shoulder to check who's around, because why wouldn't she? Recently, things have been all kinds of _weird_.

Accidental exclusivity weird. Confusing Christmas conversations weird. A series of drunken New Year’s Eve texts that had ranged from snarky to sweet to sexually explicit enough to make Nico blush _hard_ the next morning weird.

Nico looks up. She takes a breath.

“I think she likes me,” she whispers.

Nozomi and Eli look at each other. Nozomi covers her mouth with her hand.

“No?” she gasps.

Eli gasps too. “You don’t mean Maki? _”_

“Elicchi, hold me! This is all so unexpected.”

“Shut up! Do you think so too? That she actually…” Nico feels her cheeks get hotter. “You know...”

“Nico,” Eli says, blinking slowly, “Is that... not something you'd previously considered?”

“I mean…” Nico looks down at the smooth mahogany table. “We’ve just always had that whole hatemance thing going on? And yeah, I’m a total catch, but it’s _Maki_. I didn't think she had any actual feelings for me? I didn’t think she had many feelings at all! But now I'm like… some things happened and I don’t want to jump to conclusions! But it just seems like. Like maybe…”

Eli arches an eyebrow. “You’ve been sleeping together for, what, four months, now? And it never occurred to you once that Maki might not hate you?”

Nico stirs her drink with her straw. Ice cubes clatter against the glass.

“When you put it that way it sounds kind of... dumb...” She frowns.

Nozomi gives Nico this look that makes it obvious that it is dumb, but in that soft, motherly _I care about you_ way.

Nico’s not stupid. She noticed it. Of course she did. Maki warming up to her, those unreasonably sweet moments that kept catching her off guard - all the soft smiles and the gentle touches.

But she didn't think they actually _meant_ anything. Hadn't Maki been adamant about not pursuing a relationship? Hadn't she been the one who’d set all those dumb rules that they maybe hadn't entirely followed.

Nico knows she only has herself to blame. She’s the older one here, the one who should be keeping them in line, but she messed up. Got too close. Lost track of all the reasons why she can't even consider it.

And now. Now she so confused that she’s resorted to asking Nozomi and Eli for help.

“You could just admit you’re dating?” Nozomi suggests. “It might make things just that little bit simpler?”

“For the last time,” Nico snaps, “We’re not dating!”

“Of course not _,”_ Nozomi smiles. “You’re just in an exclusive relationship where you kiss and giggle and make love,” Nico gags, “On a regular basis. I guess that means Elicchi and I aren't dating either?”

“Oh come on _._ That's completely different.”

“Mmhmm,” Nozomi says.

“No, she's right,” Eli says. “We are different.”

“Thank you!” Nico grins triumphantly.

“We’re honest with our feelings.” Eli smiles, and Nico groans.

“I'm honest with mine!”

“Then why does it scare you so much?” Nozomi asks, “That Maki's in love with you?”

Nico promptly chokes on the remains of her drink.

“L-L-Love? Who said-” She splutters again. People turn to look. She’s drawing attention towards herself when she's meant to be undercover, damn it!

Nozomi pats Nico’s back until she regains the ability to breathe.

“No one said,” Nico rasps out, “Anything about love.”

“Okay,” Nozomi says, and she whips out a deck of tarot cards, just like that. “Time for a reading.”

“Put those away," Nico grumbles. "I don't want one.”

Nozomi waves the cards in her face, and Nico nudges Nozomi away, and Nozomi nudges her back, and Nico's just about to put an ice cube down her bra when Eli puts a hand on both of their arms and gives them a warning look.

“Just be careful, okay?” Eli says, “Maki's not as tough as she makes out.”

Nico sighs. “Don’t you think I know that? I care about her. We’re _friends_. I don’t wanna hurt her feelings or whatever.”

“You just don’t think she'd make a good girlfriend?” Nozomi asks.

“Um, Maki would make a great girlfriend,” Nico says, defensively. “She's pretty and smart and from a good family. I mean, yes, she’s completely stubborn and a gigantic pain in the ass sometimes, but she can be so sweet when you're not expecting it? Not to mention-” Nico catches herself. Clutches her hand to her chest. “Please, no more questions. Nico’s just sooooo tired~”

“I need another drink,” Eli groans, waving over the waiter. “Can I get a vodka please? Hold the mixer.”

He nods and heads off.

“Nicocchi, get a hold of yourself. You're driving my Elicchi towards liver disease.”

Nico sighs and lays her head flat onto the sticky table. “I hate you guys,” she says, voice muffled by her arms. “You make it look so easy.”

“But it is easy,” Eli says. “If the two of you just-”

“It’s not.” Nico pushes herself into an upright position. “I'm graduating, and Maki's gonna be in med school for another billion years. Can you really see us making some grown-up attempt at an actual relationship work if I’m not around? If we can’t see each other? When all we have now is something entirely physical?”

“So you have thought about,” Nozomi says, softly.

“Of course I have,” Nico hisses. “Thought about why it's a terrible idea. Me and Maki… you know we’ve always been a disaster. It wouldn’t work out. We’d just end up hurting each other. There’s a reason why people don’t make their college cuddle buddies their actual girlfriends, you know? And I don’t want to be tied down in some crappy, doomed-to-fail relationship when I’ll have more important things to focus on. ”

Nozomi and Eli exchange a cautious glance.

“Have the two of you talked about this?” Eli asks.

Nico points across the bar, “Look! Eli’s drink is in such a fancy glass~!”

“Nicocchi.”

Nico looks down. “If we talk about it, we’ll probably just end up breaking it off. And I know it's selfish but… I don’t want that. Not yet.”

“Doesn’t it concern you, though?” Eli asks. “That you're just making it worse by delaying the inevitable?”

Nico shrugs. “There’s no point making a big deal about it. It’s what we agreed on - fooling around until graduation or whatever. Maki wanted this too, you know. She was pretty damn insistent on not dating me, actually. It's not like I forced her into this or something.”

“No one thinks that,” Nozomi says. “It’s just - sometimes things _change_ -”

“Ughhhh,” Nico groans loudly. “This is way too serious. Can we talk about something else for like 5 minutes? I’m so done with stupid Maki.”

Eli looks up from her phone. She smiles sheepishly.

“Is this a bad time to mention that she's on her way?” 

Nico almost falls off her chair. The waiter looks at her strangely as her drops off Eli's drink.

“M-Maki is?”

Eli nods.

“What the _hell_. Maki’s back? When did that happen? I thought she wasn’t back until next week. N-Not that I care but she could've told me, that’s all. What did she say when you invited her? Does she know I’m here? Did she mention me?”

Nico tugs off her glasses and her woolly hat and whips out her phone. She pouts into her selfie camera, smoothing down her hair. Her heart sinks when she realises that she's wearing the same outfit as she had been the last time she saw Maki. Not that it’s a big deal, it's just that Nico likes to highlight the variety in her wardrobe at every opportunity. She takes a big gulp of her drink, because Maki’s back. _Maki's back._

“You look nervous,” Nozomi trills. “Did you realise you're wearing old underwear?”

“Shut up _,”_ Nico says, but oh god, what underwear is she wearing? Is Maki going to see her underwear _tonight?_

Nico fixes her hair in the bathroom mirror and applies some lip gloss. When she gets back she tries to focus on the conversations, but she keeps looking over her shoulder, keeps glancing towards the door, and she feels so weirdly nervous. She’s not prepared. A little warning would’ve been nice.

It feels like hours later when Maki breezes into the bar. Nico spots her right away. She’s as effortlessly beautiful as ever, turning heads because she's perfect and who wouldn’t want to look. She looks refreshed, like someone that's spent plenty of time being pampered. Nico hates that. Hates that her stupid treacherous heart starts beating so hard it hurts.

She turns her head back so Maki doesn't catch her looking.

“Hey,” Maki says, when she reaches their table. She looks even nicer up close.

Eli climbs out of her chair and pulls her into a hug.

“Maki! Happy new year!”

Nozomi jumps up and joins in, wrapping her arms around both of them.

Nico stands up too but she hovers near the edge of the table. She watches Maki as she flushes and pretends to be annoyed. She worms her way out of their tight grip and looks at Nico. All Nico can do is look back.

Nozomi clears her throat and that reminds Nico that she should react in some way, before it spirals into a full blown staring contest. Nico takes a step forward and she laughs, kind of nervously, and she drags Maki into a hug, because that's just regular friendly behaviour, isn't it? It’d be much weirder if she didn’t.

Nico closes her eyes and just kind of breathes her in, because it's Maki and she’s warm and she’s here. She smells so good that Nico’s breath catches the moment she picks up on the scent of her perfume, and it just seems so obvious. Nico missed her. It’s only been a few weeks but she _missed_ her.

Nico opens her eyes. The first thing she sees is Nozomi, standing behind Maki grinning. She strikes Nico’s signature pose and makes a kissy face. Eli twirls a strand of hair and makes a kissy face back. Nico flushes and nudges Maki away.

She slides into her seat, all cool and casual. She crosses her legs. The others follow.

“I didn't know you were back,” Nico says. It comes out accusatory. Harsher than she intended.

“I just got back last night. There was an emergency at the hospital, so we flew in early.”

“Oh,” Nico says.

“Yeah,” Maki says.

“ _Ahhh_ ,” Nozomi says, leaning in closer. “What a pleasant reunion.”

Nico glares at her.

“I want a drink,” she says quickly. “Anyone else? I bet Maki needs one. She must've had such a hard time lounging around in first class.”

“It was kind of tiring, actually,” Maki mutters.

“Mmhmm. It must’ve been such a tough time staying in a five billion star hotel.”

“We didn't stay even stay at a hotel! My family has a guest house.”

“Yeah, Nicocchi. It was a guest house.”

“A guest house,” Eli repeats, seriously.

Nico crinkles her nose.

“Maki’s too rich and fancy. Take her back. I don't want her.”

“That's not what you said the other night,” Maki snaps.

A smile tugs on Nozomi’s lips.

“What did she say the other night?” Eli asks, innocently.

Maki flushes. Nico waves her hand at a waiter.

“Drinks!” she exclaims loudly.

***

 

“But, look,” Nico leans sideways. Her head finds Maki's shoulder, and it’s kind of boney. Isn’t it funny how people have bones? “You take that stuff for granted. At least when I make it big I'll appreciate the luxury of a fancy hotel room.”

Maki shifts, leaning closer into Nico. They've moved to a slightly sticky sofa in a dim corner of the room. The bar is noisy, more crowded than before, but Nico’s finding it difficult to focus on anything but the warmth of Maki’s skin, and those eyes. Nico can’t believe that there are other people in this world looking at other stuff when they could be looking at Maki's eyes.

Nozomi and Eli are still around somewhere. Dancing or picking daisies or braiding each other’s hair or something. Nico doesn't know. She's not worried. They’re grown-ups. They can look after themselves. Nico's preoccupied.

“I’m sorry it offends you that my family have money, but it's not something I can help?”

Nico hums. Her fingers dance across Maki's thigh.

“No, I get it,” she says. “It's like… who you are, you know? Asking you not to be a rich girl would be like... asking an elephant not to be an elephant?”

Maki frowns, her brows furrowing comically.

“I’m not an elephant?”

“It's a metaphor,” Nico explains. “Geez, aren’t you supposed to be the smart one?”

“Nico,” Maki says, “Why are you such a lightweight?”

“Oh, like you’re much better?”

“At least I make _sense.”_

“Just once,” Nico says, prodding her arm. “I only want to stay in a big fancy hotel once. I mean, there was that one time on that school trip but it wasn't exactly luxuri-luxuris- it wasn't fancy, okay?”

Maki blinks. “Where do you usually stay on vacation?”

Nico just looks at her. It takes a good ten seconds before the realisation crosses Maki’s face slowly.

“S-So,” Maki says, flushing. “A hotel. Let's go.”

“Huh?”

“There’s got to be somewhere nearby.”

Maki looks at Nico, and there’s this heat in her gaze that makes Nico’s pulse thrum.

“I don't mean a love hotel!”

“Neither do I,” Maki says.

Nico just stares at her. Is she actually _serious?_

“No way! It's got to be a special occasion! You can't just waste money like-” Maki’s fingers trail over Nico’s hip. “T-There's no point in-”

“It’s been a while _,_ hasn’t it?” Maki says, voice low and close to Nico’s ear.

Nico smiles, because she likes this game. She's much better at it. She wets her dry lips and leans closer.

“I guess it has, huh? Did you miss Nico?”

Maki looks away. “N-Not really.”

“Are you _sure_?” Nico lowers her voice. “Sure I didn’t cross your mind once when you were all alone at night?”

Maki flushes and looks down. Her fingers twist together.

“That present,” she whispers. “That you gave me. It was, uh…”

Nico feels a hot twist of excitement in her stomach.

“So Hello Kitty’s been keeping your teeth clean, huh?” Nico says, innocently.

“That’s not what I - why do you always have to _-”_

Nico giggles. She leans even closer, and she has to actively stop herself from climbing into Maki’s lap because public displays of affection. Those are a no-no. Though it isn’t affection, not really. It’s more like resisting the urge to kiss Maki until they’re both a mess and she knows who’s boss, because those teasing fingers that keep trailing under the hem of her shirt? They're kind of driving Nico crazy.

“If you used it without me, you have to tell me all about it,” Nico says. “Those are the rules.”

“Not here,” Maki whispers.

But her hand is all the way under the back of Nico’s shirt now, fingers skimming close to Nico’s bra strap. Nico clocks a couple on a nearby table that are full-on staring at them in mild horror and she kind of remembers where they are.

“Your place?” Nico asks, and Maki nods.

She tugs Maki to her feet and grabs her hand, offering a wink in the direction of the gawking couple as they walk past.

They make it out of the bar.

They don’t make it to the couch.

They barely make it through the front door of the apartment.

Maki kicks the door closed as an afterthought, and Nico wraps every available limb around Maki’s body and just moves against her until they end up in a pile of clothes somewhere on the soft plush carpet of Maki’s living room floor.

“Oh my _god,_ I missed this,” Nico hisses against Maki’s skin. Maki's skin _-_   _her_ Maki - who’s back and doing unlawfully hot things with her fingers. “Oh - _fuck -_ M-Maki - I missed this so _so much_ -”

“I missed you too, you know,” Maki whispers later, when they’re lying in the dark.

Nico feels her heart pick up speed but she keeps her eyes closed. She makes a conscious effort to keep her breath steady. If she’s asleep she doesn’t have to think about it.

How concerning it is.

If they can’t last a few weeks, how are they going to cope when it’s all over?

***

 

Nico shivers and wraps her arms around herself. It's mid-January and her dance practice clothes are totally not appropriate for standing around outside in winter, but she spotted the missed call from Maki at the start of break, and she hadn’t wanted to call her back in front of her whole class. That’s how weird rumours start.

Nico’s curious, because Maki almost exclusively prefers texting, but it's not like she's expecting it to be anything weird. Things with Maki have been surprisingly normal since she got back or, well… normal for _them_ at least. They’ve fallen back into their usual routine and Nico’s pretty much concluded that she was overreacting when she talked to Nozomi and Eli before. She does have tendencies towards adding dramatic flair to her life, after all.

Nico brings up her contact list. She hits call.

“Hello. It’s me. Maki.”

Nico laughs into her phone. “I _know_. I called you.”

“R-Right,” Maki says. Her voice sounds higher than usual.

“What’s up?” Nico asks. “Aren’t you in class?”

“I have the afternoon off. Sorry to call at a weird time. I just… wanted to ask you something. B-But it’s nothing weird. Just a regular question.”

“Sure. Ask away!”

There's a long pause.

“Anytime now,” Nico prompts.

“Um. What are you doing the first weekend in February?”

“I don’t think I have much planned yet? I think I’m down to work, but I can probably swap a shift if I had to. Why?”

The line goes quiet. Maki makes a small, uncomfortable sound.

Nico smiles to herself. Why is Maki so difficult?

“Why?” she asks again.

“My piano teacher is retiring. Well, she’s my ex-piano teacher, really... I haven’t seen her since she moved away, but that's not really necessary information, I guess. Anyway. She’s invited all her old students to this party and Mama booked for us to go, only now she can't make it and - well. I already said I'd play a couple of songs there so I have to go. And I know you’d probably find it really boring, and I realise it’s pretty short notice but... Mama booked a really nice hotel, and I know that you - uh. I just. I just thought-”

Nico steadies herself against the cold wall behind her.

“A-Are you... trying to ask me to go with you?”

“No! Uh, maybe. I just happen to have a spare ticket that's already paid for. Everyone else is busy, that's all.”

Nico does her best pout, then she realises Maki can’t actually see her.

“So Nico was your last choice, huh?”

“I didn’t say-” Maki stops. She sighs. “It’s just for the weekend. Two nights. Think about it.”

“Tell me more first! Where is it? How much is this gonna cost me? What should I _wear?_ ”

“Kyoto, everything’s paid for, and I don’t know… something nice? I can message you the details over if you'd like to, uh. Consider it.”

“Are you sure it'd be okay if I did tag along, though? I'm not gonna have to pass some piano test to get in, am I?”

“You'll be fine. Just don't pick any fights about idols being better. We both know where that gets you.”

“Hey, if I happen to meet _another_ hot rich girl who's willing to satisfy me and take me on fancy trips, I'm not gonna complain.”

“They can have you,” Maki says. “I’d happily trade you in for someone less annoying. Maybe someone with bigger hands...”

“Hey! My hands may be tiny but they can satisfy you like literally no one else can so-” Nico remembers she’s outside. She looks around and lowers her voice. “So what do you have to say to _that_ , Maki?”

“I changed my mind. I'll go alone.”

“Maki! I’m freezing my ass off here!”

“It... wouldn’t be terrible, if you could make it. It... it'd be really nice actually.”

Nico smiles. 

“I’ll check with my boss, okay?”

***

 

Nico arrives at the train station thirty-two minutes before Maki does. It's not intentional. She just wakes up early, and then she can't fall back asleep because she’s excited and nervous, and she has to look her best! She changes her outfit three times before she leaves the house, and tries at least a million different hairstyles before she settles on a simple yet sophisticated bun. It’s not like it’s for Maki. She just wants to look like she fits in _._ She's never even stepped foot into the fancy first class section of a train before and she needs to be prepared.

Nico ignores every comment Nozomi makes about how romantic it all is when she’s making breakfast. It’s just a regular weekend away with a friend, she insists. It's only fair really - Maki watched Nico’s winter performance, and now Nico gets to see Maki show off at some fancy party.

Nozomi gives her a knowing smile. Nico gives away her breakfast. She’s too nervous to eat it anyway.

Nico spends the longest half an hour of her life pacing the length of the station, wondering if she packed the right shoes and the right dress, if she'll be pissed off or impressed at her glimpse into how rich people live. She's never really been away for the weekend like this with someone, or even spent this much time with Maki all at once, and she's not sure what they'll talk about or what they'll do, and ugh, can Maki just hurry up and get here already?

It seems like hours later when Nico spots her red hair. There are so many people bustling around, but Nico finds Maki so easily in the crowd. She spots Nico and picks up her pace, tugging her small suitcase behind her.

“You’re late,” Nico grumbles.

Maki looks at her watch and frowns.

“We said eleven.”

Nico crosses her arms tightly. “It’s polite to be early.”

“It’s polite to be nice to someone who’s taking you on a trip."

Nico narrows her eyes. “Don’t forget I’m skipping my Friday classes to be here.”

“Don’t forget I could lose your ticket at any moment.”

Nico flutters her eyelashes.

“Did I mention I made you lunch?” she says, in her sweetest voice.

Maki rolls her eyes, but then she smiles and it’s so wide and genuine. Nico’s not sure she’s ever seen her looks so excited.

Nico links her arm through Maki’s.

She feels kind of embarrassed when she beams back. She’s pretty sure her own smile looks the same.

***

 

“Whoaaa! Are you freaking _serious_? Whoawhoa _whoa!_ ”

Nico doesn’t realise that she’s hit Maki’s arm four times in succession until Maki turns to glare at her and detaches herself gracefully from Nico’s grip.

“Thank you,” Maki says, nodding politely as the guy from the hotel drops their bags off and closes the door behind them.

Nico throws her arms in the air.

“This is _insane_! We’re actually staying here? All weekend? This isn’t a joke?”

Nico grabs hold of Maki and twirls her around, and it's kind of adorable, the way Maki squeaks in surprise.

She hadn’t thought it could get much better than the spacious train ride, where she had more legroom than someone Nico’s height could ever need, or the glass elevator and the fountain inside the hotel lobby but _this._ This hotel room is practically bigger than her high school!

Nico dives onto one of the gigantic king sized beds and sighs at how soft it is. There are so many pillows. More pillows than she’s even seen in her life! She leaps back up and does an excited lap around the room. There’s a balcony with a beautiful view of a traditional garden. Towels folded so they're shaped like swans! A bar, a fully stocked fridge... She gasps when she enters the beautifully tiled bathroom and spots there’s a gigantic freaking jacuzzi bath.

Nico rounds the corner and finds a kitchenette and a big fancy table. She drops down onto a chair and makes her face all serious.

“Nishikino. I've called this board meeting to evaluate the fact that you're really fucking rich.”

Maki takes a seat across from her and mimics Nico’s serious expression.

“Excellent insight, Yazawa. Though admittedly I owe a lot of thanks to my sponsors…”

Nico laughs a little deliriously. She flops forward onto the shiny table.

“This is too much. Is this really how rich people live? I wanna wear the yukata. And take a bath. Ooh, I want to learn how to make a towel swan!”

Maki boops Nico on the head with something firm and plastic.

“You should eat something first. You barely touched your bento.”

Nico sits up and takes the room service menu from Maki. She glances over it. Half of it is written in fancy cursive English, and there aren’t any prices in sight. _Figures._

 _“_ I’m good,” Nico says.

Her stomach chooses that exact moment to betray her with a loud rumble.

“They’ll charge it to my credit card, so just order whatever.”

“No. Maki. You've already done enough. I really can't let you pay for anything else.”

“It's not a big deal. You’re doing me a favour by keeping me company. It’s much better than being here by myself, even if I’m stuck with you all weekend.”

Nico frowns at her, unconvinced.

“Don’t make me drink that champagne alone,” Maki says, nodding at a bottle in ice bucket that Nico didn’t even notice.

“Whoa, vacation Maki is kind of wild, huh? It’s like three in the afternoon. Don't you have to be on top form for tomorrow?”

Maki shrugs. “We don't have anything planned until tomorrow evening so… we have time. If there’s anything you want to see, just let me know.”

Nico blinks.

“This is… like a proper trip, huh?”

“I-I just thought we might as well make the most of it, that's all.”

Nico stands up. She leans right over Maki and wraps her arms tightly around her from behind.

“Thank you, Maki!” She nuzzles her face close. “I'm really, really glad you invited me.”

Maki’s face feels hot against Nico’s.

“D-Don’t mention it.”

Nico leans forward and beams at Maki. Maki hits Nico with the menu again.

“We can go to the restaurant if you'd prefer, but you need to eat something. Then we’re opening the champagne.”

“Then this bed, then that bed, then the table and oh, the jacuzzi bath is a definite contender! Maybe the couch too, because we can’t let this get to our heads, you know. It’s important to remember where we started, right?”

“You're _exhausting,_ ” Maki sighs.

“And you're sickening. But I’m so excited! We’re going to have so much fun~”

“Just remember I need some energy left for tomorrow.”

Nico smiles wickedly.

“We’ll see about that.”

***

So maybe Nico is a little bit overambitious. Maybe she wakes up with an aching back and a sore tongue and a weird cramp in her left leg but, you know what? It's _totally_ worth it.

She lays in the comfiest bed in the whole world and stares up at the chandelier and wonders why she was so worried about this trip. Nico had wavered over whether it was a good idea, but she’s so glad she took the chance. It's a blissfully ideal situation. Their first day had been pretty much perfect - strolling around a pretty place with a pretty girl, wrapped up all warm for the winter, being treated like a movie star by hotel staff. They ate dinner at a really cute place, explored their big fancy room plenty, and even took a relaxing bath together after.

Nozomi got it so wrong. Maki doesn’t think this is some weird romantic getaway. Nico feels silly for even thinking that Maki might like her like _that_. Nico just reads too much into things sometimes. She is a theatre student, after all. She sent Nozomi a picture of their beautiful room before she went to sleep, making sure to make it obvious that there are two beds.

She doesn’t feel the need to mention they ended up sleeping in the same one anyway, because it was only for warmth. It’s a cold month, that’s all!

Despite some interesting aches in her body, Nico’s feeling great on Saturday morning. She’s totally up for a day of culture and exploring when she gets out of bed. She’s super disappointed when she throws open the curtains to find that it's pouring with rain. It’s so grey and windy and horrible that even the beautiful garden looks dull.

“No,” Maki groans. She hides her head under the covers at the sudden burst of light.

“Good morning!” Nico chirps. “It’s time to wake up.”

Maki’s face emerges over the top of the covers reluctantly. She frowns.

“It looks terrible out there.”

Nico flops back onto the bed beside her.

“I know!” She sighs dramatically. “I wanted to hit up a shrine and walk somewhere pretty, but the weather had to go and be all depressing.”

“I don’t know what you were expecting in February." Nico pokes out her tongue. Maki stretches and yawns. “We can go somewhere indoors. There’s this art exhibition-”

“Old art and old music all in one day? Really?”

“Fine then,” Maki huffs. “What do you want to do?”

“I dunno? Cute shops, maybe? I wanna get my family presents.”

Maki sits up. Nico looks down and lets her eyes linger on Maki’s naked chest. Maki tugs the covers up higher and mumbles something inaudible.

“What?”

Maki starts to shift back down. Nico grips her arm before she disappears back under the covers.

“What did you say?” Nico asks again.

“I said I... d-don't hate aquariums.”

“Aquariums are cute! But, hold up,” Nico leans in. “Isn’t that date territory?”

“I-It’s just fish?”

“But the lights are all pretty! What if you grab Nico’s hand when a shark swims past and scares you? Or - oh! You buy me a present from the gift shop because you see something and it's cute like me? That sounds like a date. No dates!”

Nico makes a stern face.

Maki frowns. “It's only a date if we say it's a date.”

“An interesting point...” says Nico, slowly.

“It’s all subjective. Dinner last night could’ve been a date, but it wasn’t. It just depends on your perspective.”

“That’s smart,” Nico nods thoughtfully. “This whole weekend is like… an anomaly, right? We’re far away from home! We can't just stay inside the whole time.”

“Right.” Maki nods. “And we’re only really here for two days.”

“Two days! We’re going home tomorrow evening!”

“Exactly. So why waste time worrying? Let's just go somewhere.”

“Okay! But you might want to put on a shirt first?”

Maki looks down and flushes.

“Good thinking,” she says.

***

 

The aquarium is such a good idea. It’s pretty, but it’s also super busy and there are small children racing around and the whole place smells like fish. What could possibly be less romantic and less date-like than that? It's perfect. _Ideal_. Just two friends looking at fish!

Everything is perfect until a hoard of excitable pre-schoolers have to go and ruin it. Now, Nico loves kids. She smiles at them and there’s no denying that they’re adorable, but they’re also everywhere and there’s just no way around it. They have to stick together somehow. It just so happens that the only way to avoid being completely separated from Maki is to hold her hand. It’s totally and completely necessary, but... still kind of embarrassing. Nico hasn’t really held Maki’s hand before. Sure, she’s grabbed it before to shift Maki in the right direction, but it’s never been like this - palms touching and thumbs brushing and fingers twined together.

And that's just the beginning. Things start to get much worse when Maki has the nerve to be adorable. She starts off as her usual self, far too cool to be interested in a seahorse or a starfish, but then she loosens up. She forgets to be pretend to be too cool to care. And it shouldn’t be a big deal, only Nico kind of lives for those rare moments when Maki’s actually honest. There’s something so wrong about Maki gazing in awe at a tank full of delicate-looking jellyfish, and yet it’s also a strong contender for the cutest thing Nico’s ever seen (and Nico gets to look at herself in the mirror every single day!) It’s so cute that Nico has to excuse herself. She has to spend a good few minutes in the bathroom composing herself. Did Nico mention how much she hates the persuasive powers of soothing ocean sounds and atmospheric mood lighting?

That’s not even the end of it. There’s the way Maki leans into Nico when they take a photo together under the pretty lights. The way Nico’s arm still tingles when Maki moves away. The way the photo turns out completely perfect - the lighting, the angles, their content expressions - and Nico wonders if it's acceptable to post it everywhere.

And Nico only has herself to blame for the gift shop incident. After everything she said, _Nico’s_ the one that sends Maki off to get her some water for her very dry throat so she can hurriedly pick her up something _._ It's not much at all, just a cute little jellyfish charm. It doesn't even slightly compare to what Maki's done for Nico by bringing her here, but Nico still wants Maki to have it.

Nico gives it to her when they stop for pancakes at a cute cafe afterwards. It’s a tiny gesture, barely worth mentioning, but her cheeks burn hot with embarrassment as she hands it over, still in the plastic bag from the store. Maki’s face is soft with surprise. She clips in on to her bag right away and they both flush and look at anything other than each other and it’s so obvious. It’s _so obvious._

This is a date.

It’s a _date._

They’ve broken every single rule so far, and now they’re on a freaking date.

And they shouldn’t be. They _can’t_ be.

But they are.

And here’s the worst part: Nico enjoys every second of it.

***

 

“Maki, are you alive? You’ve been in there for like seventeen years.”

“I’ll be out in a minute.”

“You’ve already missed half of Nico’s _getting ready_ playlist.”

“Just give me a second!”

Nico sighs. They’re back in their hotel room after what turned out to be a really great day, despite the terrible weather. They're supposed to be getting ready together for the evening, only Maki's been washing her hair for what feels like hours. Her hair is about half as long as Nico's, so she can’t figure out why it’s taking her twice as long. Doesn't she know that it's no fun to do your makeup all alone?

Nico’s been completely ready for at least ten minutes - hair curled, pretty dress in place, she even found time to paint her _nails._ Now she’s so bored that she’s resorted to watching some celebrity panel show on their big TV.

She’s laughing at some dumb joke when the bathroom door finally swings open. Nico looks up. Maki looks down and Nico's mouth follows.

Maki's standing in the doorway and she looks so good _,_ and, yeah, sure, she often does, but this is, like, totally unreasonable levels of hot. Her dress is floor length and this dark inky shade of blue and it’s somehow flattering against every curve of her body. She’s already done her makeup. She looks  _amazing._

“Why are you staring? It looks okay, right? Do you think I should switch to the blazer and the-”

“No. Wear that. Forever. You look good, Maki. _Really_ good.”

“I know that! But is it - it’s not too much?”

“You look _amazing_. Though when you said something nice I thought you meant like a cute cocktail dress? Nico’s gonna look so underdressed!”

Nico stands up and tugs self-consciously at her own much shorter dress. She’d opted for one her reliable favourites - a pretty, dusty pink dress she’d found in a thrift store with the tags still on years ago that she always falls back on, because you can’t go wrong with pink, right? Who doesn’t like pink?

Maki looks at her and she smiles.

“You look beautiful, Nico.”

Nico’s heart flutters. She looks away because it's far too embarrassing to look Maki in the eyes.

“I-I know that! But if I'd known you were gonna go all out…”

“I _am_ performing,” Maki winks. “I can’t have you upstaging me.”

Nico pulls a face. She does a quick spin in front of the mirror, and she does look cute. She takes a step towards Maki.

“Your hair’s sticking up a little.” She takes a step forward and tries to flatten it down. The hair bounces right back to where it was and Nico giggles. “You need to stop playing with it so much. Come here and let me fix it.”

She ushers Maki over to the dresser and grabs her curler. Maki sits up straight, her back stiff.

“You’re not nervous, are you?” Nico asks.

“Of course not,” Maki says. “Though I guess I’m a little worried you might find it boring...”

“Don’t be silly,” Nico says. “I'm looking forward to it.”

She sees Maki smile in the mirror. Her hair is soft beneath Nico’s fingers.

“Hey, Maki…” Nico says, softly.

“Hm?”

“You’ll be great tonight! I believe in you so… do your best, okay?”

“That goes without saying,” Maki smirks, and Nico rolls her eyes. “It’ll be nice. Knowing you're there. Thanks again for coming with me, Nico.”

Nico catches herself smiling. She hums and focuses on Maki’s hair.

“Stay there while I get some hairspray. This looks perfect and I don't want the rain to ruin it!”

“Sure,” Maki says.

“Close your eyes,” Nico says. “Aaaaand you’re all done!”

Maki blinks up at Nico, and Nico stays close.

It’d be so easy to kiss her.

So easy if this was real.

***

 

The party is even more lavish than Nico expects. She’s fully prepared for rich people in fancy clothes at the fancy hotel function room across town, but she’s not expecting a string quartet and several piano shaped ice sculptures and waiters carrying bite sized snacks on silver platters. Nico always thought that kind of stuff only happened in movies.

Nico sticks by Maki's side as they make their way into the room, but it’s not like she holds her hand or anything. She just clings to her arm a little bit. Just the tiniest amount.

“This is crazy _,_ ” Nico whispers, looking around.

“It's pretty normal,” Maki shrugs.

But when Nico moves to let go of her arm, Maki keeps her close. It’s not the first time Nico’s suspected that maybe Maki’s not exactly comfortable with this overly fanciful rich stuff herself.

Maki finally relaxes and lets go when she's approached by an older woman in a white trouser suit. Nico knows that she must be the piano teacher. She looks exactly like the kind of person that's spent her life being paid by the wealthy parents of talented children, but she also looks kind. She has a round face and a warm smile that makes Nico relax a bit too.

“Sensei,” Maki says, smiling.

“Maki! How wonderful to see you! You've grown into such a beautiful young woman.”

Nico admires a nearby ice sculpture awkwardly as they get reintroduced.

“Ah - how rude of me - this must be your friend?”

Nico bows politely.

“Yazawa Nico. Thanks so much for letting me intrude on your amazing party!”

“You’re very welcome. Please eat some of the food so I don't have to take it all home with me.”

She smiles at Nico, and Nico feels a rush of panic, because she doesn’t give her own name. Nico’s at her party and this woman’s kind of a big deal and Nico can’t remember her name. _Crap._

“When Mama couldn’t make it, I just had to bring Nico along,” Maki explains. “She’s a big fan of classical music.”

Nico freezes.

“Oh, how _wonderful_. Who do you enjoy? Do you have a favourite composer?”

Nico fakes a big smile. “Wow, it’s uh. So hard to pick just one. I like everything. All of them. Especially those European guys. You know, the old ones. The older the better really!”

Both Maki and her teacher both laugh.

“Well, hopefully Maki will play some of your favourites. Can you play for us soon? The string quartet are just finishing up.”

“Sure,” Maki smiles.

“Then I’ll look forward to it!” She turns to Nico and Nico feels panicked. She knows she’s a fake. She’s going to kick her out. “Seriously. Eat the food,” she winks, and then she wanders off to greet someone else.

Nico nudges Maki sharply in the ribs.

“The older the better, huh? I knew I wasn’t your type but…” Maki laughs.

“Shut up! What was I supposed to say? Ugh, that was so embarrassing. You're gonna pay for that one, Nishikino.”

“I’m not scared of you,” Maki says. She looks so annoyingly proud of herself.

“I’m thinking back to back footage of every live concert from all my favourite idols… how many hours would that be? With all the DVD extras it must be at least a couple of days!”

Maki pulls out her phone and pulls up Nico's contact info. She hums thoughtfully, her finger hovering over the delete button.

Nico lunges at Maki and attempts to grab the phone.

“Don’t think you can get rid of Nico that easily.”

They scramble for the phone, only stopping when they almost knock over a young waiter with a tray full of food. Maki smooths down her dress and tucks the phone back into her purse.

Maki’s teacher stands up at the front of the room holding a microphone.

“And now for another performance,” she says, and the room gets quieter. “I met my next student when she was just a child, back when I was living in Tokyo. She was only six years old and I turned up to teach her first piano lesson, only to find that she’d been teaching herself since she was four.” There’s an echo of laughter and Nico grins. That's so Maki. “She’s a very gifted player, and I’m so very pleased she travelled all this way to attend this old lady’s retirement party. But enough chatter. I’d like to invite Nishikino Maki to play for us next.”

Maki makes her way to the front of the room and Nico _whoops_ loudly. She receives a glare from the serious looking old dude standing next to her. She claps and _whoops_ louder.

Maki takes a seat at the piano and Nico shuffles through the crowd after her. She’s small enough to sneak into a perfectly Nico-sized gap at the front of the crowd of people who have gathered round to watch.

The room is so much quieter than it was before. The previous music had sounded pretty and all, but it had just been background noise. Now people are actually stopping to listen. Maki adjusts her music score and Nico almost feels nervous on her behalf.

She starts to play. Nico relaxes, no nerves necessary. Maki’s _got_ this. Her fingers make magic happen. Even if Nico doesn't get it on some deep level or whatever, she can still appreciate how good it sounds. And Nico's not sure she's ever heard anything nicer.

Nico watches Maki, her face all serious, the tiny sequins on the top of her dress glistening under the bright lights, and she feels a rush of pride. She takes a picture or two or three, so Maki can show her parents. She looks so beautiful that it kind of hurts to look directly at her.

People start to wander and talk, but Nico barely moves the whole time that she plays. She’s so elegant. So _passionate._ She takes a break and she takes a breath.

She plays the first couple of bars of her next song and Nico swears her heart stops.

Because it’s the song. _The_ song. The surreal, thunderstorm _oh this is nothing I’m just improvising_ composition that Maki had apparently just whipped out of nowhere at two in the morning. And she’s playing it. Here. In front of a room full of people. It’s been tweaked, sure. Tightened up, made to sound more polished. But there’s no denying it's the same song, not when Nico remembers that night so clearly - the thunder rolling and the lightning flashes.

Nico covers her face with her hand to check if she’s blushing as fiercely as she thinks she is, and yep. _Hello_ super-hot cheeks.

It’s not like it’s her song or anything. It’d been a total coincidence really. Nico had just happened to be there while Maki had composed it on the spot but right now she - she can’t help but feel like -

Nico just stands and watches until the end, with this overwhelming warmth spreading in her chest, right around her pounding heart. Maki stops playing. Nico's sure she claps the loudest.

Maki bows. A photo of a very young and very cute Maki sitting at a piano next to her teacher gets projected onto the wall behind them. There’s a collective sound of appreciation from the other people in the room.

Nico takes another picture when Maki hugs her teacher. She looks so _pleased._

Recorded music starts to play, and Maki moves through the crowd towards Nico. She smiles. She looks _shy._ She succeeds at making eye contact with Nico's shoes.

“I didn't know you were going to play that _,_ ” Nico says.

Maki flushes.

“Ah. Well. To be honest, I didn’t think you’d even remember it. I just haven’t had much time to write anything recently and, well. I thought ending on an original composition might be nice, that’s all...”

Nico wraps her arms around Maki's shoulders and draws her in close.

“You did great,” she murmurs, by Maki’s ear. “You made Nico so proud.”

“I-It wasn't really that great,” Maki says, but Nico can _feel_ her smiling.

“Oh, shut up, Maki. We both know you're not modest,” Nico leans back. “Next time you should sing too. We could duet! Next time, Nico will-” Nico freezes. “Oh! By the way! I took some really cute pictures for you to send to your family.”

Nico pushes her phone towards Maki’s face.

“Why are my eyes closed?” Maki asks.

“You close them when you get really into it.”

“No I don't?”

“The evidence is right here.”

Maki groans and hides her face. “That’s… so embarrassing,” she whispers.

“Stop that,” Nico says, she pushes the hands away. “You have literally nothing to be embarrassed about. You're amazing, Maki.”

Maki narrows her eyes suspiciously.

“I mean, normally people smile at compliments buuuut-”

“You're being so nice to me,” Maki says softly. “It's weird.”

“Nico’s nice to _everyone_ ,” Nico beams. Maki still looks cautious. “Hey, can we try some food now? I want a taste of what life’s gonna be like when people throw these parties for me _._ ”

“Let me show you around then,” Maki says.

She offers out her hand. Nico takes it and she grips on tight. It's a long time before she lets go.

***

 

It's a wonderful night. Really, it’s perfect. People keep offering Nico free food and drinks and she basically gets treated like a princess. Maki gets showered with compliments from strangers, and she’s so amiable all evening, so easy to get along with. When they step outside to get a taxi to the hotel, it's so cold that the rain has started to turn to snow. They stand outside in it for a moment before they head back, and Nico looks up at the sky and feels like she's in a movie. She watches the snowflakes swirl outside of the window all the way home.

The only real flaw Nico can find in the whole day is that it makes her think weird stuff. It makes Nico wonder if she and Maki would do this kind of thing often, if they were, you know... actually dating. Makes her wonder if Maki would be the type to spoil her, if she’d surprise her with trips like this on her birthday.

It makes Nico forget why she shouldn’t want this, because it seems kind of crazy, when she looks across at Maki in the back seat and she smiles. Why wouldn’t she want this?

Nico has to forcibly remind herself when they step back into their room, that this isn’t reality. That this isn’t what it would be like.

She knows that things will go back to normal as soon as they get back to Tokyo, and they’ll be the same as they always are – busy and volatile and chaotic.

But even if that’s the case. Even if that’s the case, then they’ve still got tonight.

Nico barely allows Maki the time to take off her shoes before she kisses her. It’s not an aggressive kiss. It’s not one of those crazy passionate tear-off-your-clothes-in-the-doorway moments. It’s soft kiss. A slow kiss. The kind of kiss that might've made a younger, more naive Nico literally melt, because she has the most beautiful girl she’s ever seen pressed gently back against the wall, and when she leans back, she’s looking at Nico so wholeheartedly. Like she'd do _anything_ for her.

Nico can’t take it. She takes a step back.

“Better close the curtains first, huh?” she giggles.

She draws them closed. Maki looks at her from across the room. She’s looking at Nico with those eyes again, and she’s so captivating. So completely irresistible.

“Unzip me,” Maki says.

“Unzip _me,_ ” Nico smirks.

“I asked first.”

They meet somewhere in the middle. Nico’s so weak to that stare. She unzips Maki slowly. It’s not the first time she admires how beautiful her skin is.

Maki steps out of the dress and Nico drapes it over a chair. Maki sits down on one of the beds in the prettiest lingerie Nico’s ever seen.

Nico crawls onto the bed, crawls into Maki’s lap.

“You bought new underwear,” Nico says, hooking her finger under a bra strap.

“This? I’ve had it for a while now actually…”

“You’re lying,” Nico says. “There’s no way you had this lying around and never showed it off.”

Nico leans in and touches her waist. Kisses her neck.

“You’re so _pretty_ ,” Nico says.

Maki makes a soft sound and tugs at the zipper of Nico’s dress. Sure, Nico could technically reach it herself, but it's so much more fun this way.

Nico takes off her dress. Maki’s gaze is heated as it roams down Nico's body.

“You went all out too,” she says.

Nico smiles and strikes a pose. Of course she packed her nicest underwear. Why wouldn't she?

“I aim to impress,” she winks.

“It’s working,” Maki whispers, and before Nico has time to contemplate what that means, Maki reaches for her.

She pulls Nico back onto the bed and she kisses her. Kisses her for what feels like hours. Kisses her more softly than anyone ever has, with fingers that stroke over her cheek and roam gently through her hair.

And it's so soft and delicate. Slow fingers that move inside each other, slow fingers that lace together _–_ and hand holding during sex feels so intimate somehow - and surely they've crossed every possible line this weekend, but it doesn't matter. It doesn’t matter right now.

All that matters is that they take their time, no sense of rush or urgency, just fumbling hands and careful touches and soft whispered words. If they just go slow enough, maybe they'll never have to stop. Maybe this moment will just last forever.

Tomorrow. Nico will focus tomorrow. Tomorrow everything will go back to normal.

She just needs this one night with Maki. One night to let her guard down.

One perfect night.

***

 

When Nico wakes up, it’s still dark. The bed feels cold and empty. She yawns and stretches, searching the dimly lit room for Maki.

She's not there.

Nico frowns and looks around. She spots a shadow through the gap in the curtains and she shakes her head. It’s the middle of the night and Maki’s sitting on the balcony in the dark.

Nico puts on her fluffy pyjamas and her coat, because she's not going out there even for a second unless she's wrapped up warm.

Nico slides open the glass door. Maki jumps and turns her head.

Nico shivers as the ice cold breeze hits her all at once. The top of the balcony is covered over, but it's still freezing _._ It's still _snowing._

“What are you doing out here?” Nico asks, wrapping her arms around herself.

“It's a nice view,” Maki shrugs.

Nico reaches out to touch her cheeks. She’s wearing her coat, but her skin is so cold _._ How long has she been out here?

“You're a nice ice block,” Nico says. “Wait there.”

She returns with a spare blanket and her woolly hat.

“Move over,” Nico says.

She nudges her way onto the seat, and throws the blanket over both of them. She tugs the hat down on Maki's head. Maki grumbles and adjusts it.

“Nico will be kind and share her body heat. But you can't stay out here much longer.”

Maki makes a soft sound of protest. Nico nuzzles closer, and she feels Maki’s shoulders stiffen.

It _is_ a nice view, Nico has to admit. She watches the snow swirl onto the garden below. It looks so pretty and mysterious, with soft lantern light illuminating trees and pathways. It’s so quiet out here. So easy to feel like they're the only two people in the world.

“So, um... thanks again for letting me tag along,” Nico says. “I really wasn't sure what to expect, but it’s been a lot of fun!”

Maki smiles. 

“It has,” Maki says. “I’m kind of worried though. What if we get snowed in and we have to stay here forever?”

“That wouldn't be so bad, would it?” Nico asks. “I could happily live in this hotel room!”

“It'd be a shame if you didn't graduate, though. You're... pretty close now.”

Something painful stirs in Nico’s chest.

“Yeah... Not long go, huh? I'll be the first in my family to graduate too, so I’ve got to work hard!”

“Yeah," Maki says. "What are you going to do? After, I mean.”

“I've got my eye on this theatre company. They tour all around the country and they’re a pretty big deal, to be honest. I’ve got an audition soon! So I’m going to wow them with my talents and then I’ll rise to international stardom, maybe do some TV work before I sign my recording contract. Nico’s going to be a household name, you know?”

“You sure do dream big,” Maki says.

“Of course! What’s the point of anything else?”

There's a smile on Maki's face that doesn't quite reach her eyes.

“Sometimes there’s not much point in dreaming,” she says wistfully.

“Look, I know there’s all that stuff planned out for you but you should go for what you want! I know it’s scary, but I want you to be happy, Maki. Even if I'm not around, I... I want you to be so happy.”

Nico hears Maki take a shaky breath. 

“It’s kind of funny actually. Hearing that from you.”

“Why?” Nico asks. “Nico’s a natural motivator!”

"No. Um. I don't  _mean_ -"

Maki drags her fingers roughly through her hair. 

"What is it?" Nico asks.

There's a soft beat of silence. Nico holds her breath.

“I messed up,” Maki whispers.

“Really? Because I don't think anyone noticed? I didn’t hear any mistakes at all.”

“Not on the piano,” Maki says.

Maki pulls her knees up to her chest and makes herself small. She reaches for her hair and starts to twist, twist, _twist._

“What do you mean?” Nico asks quietly.

She can’t tell if it’s her or Maki trembling, but whoever it is, she knows it’s not from the cold.

“I don’t want to stop doing this,” Maki whispers. “I just  _don’t_ -”

Maki’s voice cracks. Nico doesn't dare to move.

“The one rule, Nico. The most critical rule and I _fucked_ up.”

“Maki,” Nico says softly. She bites her lip. 

“Don't say it," Maki says. "You’ve been clear about what you want, right from the start, so... I know. You don't have to say it."

Nico watches helplessly. Maki’s lip trembles and she’s probably going to cry and there’s nothing Nico can do to stop it happening.

“It’s not that I don’t like you. Because I do, Maki,” Maki’s eyes widen, and Nico feels just as surprised to hear herself say it. “I like you a lot, actually. But the timing…”

“Bad timing?”

“The worst timing! I don't have a family that'll drop some high flying career into my hands. I can’t settle for some crappy job. I have to go for this.”

“I’d never try stop you.”

“But if we did this. Like actually did this… I might not leave. I might miss my chance.”

“I'll make you go!" Maki says. "You'll come back to see your family. There’s no way you wouldn’t come back.”

“I don't want you to wait around for me.”

“That's not your choice to make!” 

“You're so sweet,” Nico says. “And this weekend has been so nice. But you've got to think about the reality of the situation. _This_... itisn’t real. It’s not what it’d be like. We’d have to deal with all that crappy coupley stuff… all the loneliness and the stupid fights. I don’t think we could handle it. We'd be terrible at it, and I… don’t want to lose you over something stupid. I don't want to stop being your friend.”

It’s funny, really. That they’ve always been so focused on the benefits, but somehow, despite everything, Maki might just have ended up being one of Nico’s closest friends.

And the truth is, Nico doesn’t make those so easily.

Nico reaches out for Maki’s hand. Maki tugs it back forcefully.

“We’re not friends, Nico. Friends don’t do this. This isn’t normal!”

“This is what you wanted,” Nico says. “You wanted this too! So let’s just stick to the plan. It’s easier that way.”

“Easier to have sex and pretend it doesn't mean anything,” Maki says, flatly.

 _It doesn’t,_ Nico almost says, but they’d both know that she’s lying.

“You're so unfair,” Nico says softly.

“And you’re just shutting me down because you’re scared. You know, people say I'm bad at being honest, but at least I know how try!”

“You're not supposed to try, Maki! You're not supposed to do _any_ of this!”

Nico sees the flash of hurt on Maki’s face right before she storms back into the room. She hears the bathroom door slam closed. 

Nico knows she's right.

But that doesn’t stop her feeling terrible about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [angst playlist kicks in]


	6. always be honest

**9. Always be honest**

Maki's not supposed to try. She knows that. Really, she does.

But that doesn't make it any easier when she hears Nico say it.

She hadn’t planned on burdening Nico with her inappropriate feelings. She hadn't planned on ever saying anything, but then she'd sat on the balcony in the dark and watched the snow drift down onto the garden and she just felt so overwhelmed by how much she wants this. And Nico appeared out of nowhere - this startling burst of warmth on a freezing cold night - and Maki couldn't _not_ say anything. She couldn't not try.

A tiny part of her had dared to hope, that after everything that’s happened, after the aquarium and the party and that night in the hotel room. After Nico had touched her so gently, and looked at her with so much warmth, and whispered her name like that - soft, hot air against her skin. A tiny part of Maki had dared to hope that Nico might feel this too, because how is it possible, to do all that and not feel _anything_?

But now she just feels is stupid.

Stupid to mention it, stupid to fall for Nico, stupid to invite her on this stupid weekend away. Stupid to agree to this stupid arrangement in the first place.

She’s known from the start that Nico doesn’t want anything serious and yet she had to go and open her dumb mouth anyway.

And now she's ruined everything.

Now she doesn't know what to do.

Now she might just spend the rest of her life in the hotel bathroom. Maki just doesn’t see any need to leave. It’s not a bad place to be. It’s spacious and nicely decorated and there’s running water, which is really helpful for covering up the sound when the tears that she’s been blinking back through that entire conversation finally start to overflow.

She tries not to be all pathetic about it. Really, she does. It's not that bad. She's not that disappointed. She doesn't care that much.

She tries and then she catches sight of herself in the mirror wearing Nico’s hat - Nico’s stupid cutesy double pompom panda hat - and she feels a twist of pain in her chest. She drags it off and throws it at the door. She strips off the rest of her clothes and climbs into the shower and just cries under the hot water until her head hurts and her throat feels raw. She just needs a minute. Just a minute to be pathetic, because she’s fine, really. She doesn’t even know why she’s crying. Just a few minutes and then she’ll be fine.

Maki sits in the shower for unreasonable amount of time and just focuses on the way the water feels, crashing down harsh against her back. She pretends not to hear Nico knocking on the door, because _fuck her,_ let her worry. Maki wants her to get mad.

She wants to storm out there and start a fight and ask Nico why she’d do all this – sleep at Maki's place almost every night, basically agree to being exclusive, get jealous, hold her hand, talk about her to other people, kiss her so fucking softly. Why would she do that if it all means _nothing?_

It would’ve been easier if Nico said that she hated Maki. If she said it was just what they’d always intended it to be - cheap thrills, casual meaningless sex.

But she hadn’t.

And that just makes Maki feel worse.

Her skin is cracked and dry by the time she finally steps out of the shower. She’s swung back around to feeling guilty, because this isn’t Nico’s fault. She’s been honest from the start. This is Maki's fault, for blurring the lines with this weekend away, because who is she kidding? Who takes their friend with benefits for a romantic stay at a hotel? Why did she have to go and say all that embarrassing stuff? Why did she have to be so _stupid?_

Getting dressed is exhausting. Maki’s phone is somewhere out in the bedroom so she has no idea what time it is, but she’s sure it’s unreasonable hour in the early morning. It's definitely time to sleep. Time to leave the bathroom because every time she thinks she’s feeling better, she looks at that oversized jacuzzi bath and thinks about happy her and Nico had been just last night, sipping champagne and flicking bubbles at each other.

Maki swallows thickly and takes a deep breath. No. No more. She’s had her moment. Now she needs to… move on? Work out where they go from here? Maki feels an ache in her chest and she forces herself to take another breath. No. She’ll think about that in the morning. Right now she needs is to pass out and stop thinking _._

She approaches the door slowly. Maki presses her ear against it, but it’s quiet. She can’t hear anything. All she can hear is the drip of the bathroom tap and the buzz of the extractor fan.

Maki unlocks the door and opens it cautiously. She lets out a breath she didn’t realise she was holding in when she notices that all the lights are out. She closes the bathroom door and stumbles through the dark towards the beds, cursing when her shin collides with something hard and wooden.

Maki can’t see much, but she knows Nico’s in bed. She can sense her. She's all too aware of her shape in the dark.

“Maki…?” she murmurs.

Maki hears the covers move. Nico moves them back for her.

She wonders if she imagines the soft sound of disappointment Nico makes when Maki climbs into the other bed. She wonders if Nico hears the way she shudders at how cold and empty it feels without her.

“Hey...” Nico’s voice is small and cautious. “What do we do now?”

Maki huffs out a breath and tugs the covers up over her head.

“Sleep,” she says.

***

 

When Maki wakes the next morning, the first thing she does is groan. She feels hungover - all headachey and dehydrated - though she barely had more than a glass of free champagne the night before. She feels like she’s been restlessly drifting in and out sleep all night - so aware of Nico’s presence, of the sound of her breathing and the way that she murmurs in her sleep.

When Maki looks over at the other bed it’s empty - the sheets smooth, the covers freshly made. She sits up. Looks around the room. Maki doesn't know how, but she knows Nico's not here.

She does a quick sweep on the room to confirm and she's right. No Nico. But her stuff is still here. She wouldn't just take off, would she? That wouldn't make any sense. There’s no way she'd go without her phone charger and her makeup bag.

Maki’s staring at her tired reflection in the bathroom mirror when she hears the beep of the card key on the hotel door. She feels relieved and terrified all at once. Her heart starts thumping hard against her chest. She fusses with her hair. Takes a deep breath. She opens bathroom door and cautiously peeps around it.

The curtains have been thrown open and it’s a beautiful day. The sun is bright and beaming in through the windows, and there's this blanket of white snow that’s settled so perfectly that it doesn't look real. How typical, Maki thinks. How typical that the sun decides to shine today.

“Good morning!” Nico calls out from the small kitchen area. “You slept through breakfast so I went out and picked up a few bits. Come and eat! Nico has coffee~”

Maki frowns and walks slowly towards the table. There’s so much cheer in Nico’s voice, but Maki notices the dark circles and the forced smile when she sees her. Nico looks at Maki. Maki looks away. She sits down reluctantly and her stomach twists.

“Yesterday was a busy day, huh? No wonder Maki slept in so late.”

“Mm,” Maki says.

“Soooo, what the plan for today? There’s a couple of places Nico wants to go before we go home! If you’re not too tired, that is...”

“What are you doing?” Maki asks.

Nico drops a convenience store pastry in front of Maki. Maki’s never felt less hungry in her _life._

“Serving breakfast?”

“Pretending like everything’s normal when-”

Her voice cracks. She feels her lip tremble, but she's quick to catch it. Quick to restore her face back to a neutral, nonchalant expression.

Nico puts a hand on her shoulder and squeezes.

“No, I get it. We should talk,” she says. “But you just woke up. Give yourself a break for like five minutes and just eat something, okay? We both know you can barely function without coffee.”

Maki makes a face. Nico takes a seat across from her and starts arranging her breakfast selection. Maki doesn’t like it, but she should be used to it by now.

If there’s one thing they’re good at, it’s pretending.

***

Nico tones down the cheerful act a little after breakfast. Maki thinks that should be a relief, only it's not. It's _worse._ The only thing that Maki hates more than Nico's fake smile is when Nico doesn’t smile at all.

Packing their suitcases is an awkward nightmare. They only speak muttered apologies when they stumble into each other as they scramble their stuff together. There’s a thick knot in Maki’s stomach when she finds their pretty dresses still draped together on that same chair where they left them last night. She feels even worse when she finds Nico's panda hat, still scrunched up on the bathroom floor.

It's like everything's out to remind her of what happened and yet she can't talk about. She opens her mouth and nothing comes out. There’s nothing she can say that will make things less awkward. No way of knowing how things will be when they get back home. No way of dealing with this thick, uncomfortable tension because their strong point has never really being using actual words to communicate, and shoving Nico up against a wall and dragging off her shirt is probably not an appropriate solution here.

Are they even going to do that stuff anymore? Do friends with benefits agreements get terminated the moment someone openly admits to catching feelings? Maki’s read several articles on the subject, but none of them ever mentioned what happens _after._ Maki doesn't even know what she _wants_ to happen now. She can't decide what would be worse - to never kiss Nico again or to kiss her knowing that it'll never be enough.

She can’t even decide where to get dressed, because it's not like Nico hasn't seen it all before, but it feels weird, exposing herself so intimately after everything that’s happened. She settles on the corner, facing the wall, and it feels so juvenile, and Maki hates this. She hates this so much.

By the time they’re standing outside the hotel, Maki’s pretty much done with life. They’ve just finished forcing smiles at the polite woman on the reception desk who asked if they enjoyed their stay, and Maki's in no mood for small talk. She doesn't want to pretend anymore. She wants to argue over something stupid so that things can go back to normal. So they can feel close again. So they can feel anything other than cold and tense and distant.

They linger outside the hotel and just look at each other.

“I’d like to catch the earlier train,” Maki says, checking her watch for the third time, “But we still have a few hours until we leave.”

“That’s fine,” Nico says. “I wanna buy presents.”

“You mentioned.”

“I’m sure the kids would be thrilled if the super cool Maki-maa helped pick something out!”

“I'm sure you can manage without me,” Maki says, flatly. “It's not like I'll be around to help with these things in the future.”

The smile falls from Nico's face.

“Right,” she says. “Yeah. Okay.”

“I’m sorry I dragged you into all this by inviting you here,” Maki says stiffly. “You're in your final year. I shouldn't have intruded upon your time.”

"There's no need to be so creepy and formal." 

“I’ll be sure to stay out of your way when we get back to Tokyo.”

“That’s not what I want!” People nearby turn to look curiously. Nico flushes and lowers her voice. “I don't want to do this here.”

“No,” Maki snaps, “You don't want to do this at all!”

Nico bites her lip and Maki feels her cheeks flush dark with embarrassment. It turns out that picking a fight in the middle of the street doesn’t actually make her feel much better.

“I'm not gonna be much fun today.”

“It’s okay,” Nico says. “Don't worry about-”

“It's not. I'm tired. I’m in a crappy mood. You'll have more fun without me. Maybe I should just meet you at the station?”

“No, really, it's all good. Nico’s used to Maki being grouchy by now.”

“I just feel like being on my own for a bit,” Maki says. “I'll see you later, okay?”

Maki doesn’t stick around long enough to let Nico react. She turns and walks away.

***

Just like last time, Nico’s waiting at the station. Maki spots her in the crowd and her heart does it’s usual Nico-induced impression of a gymnast on the parallel bars, only this time her stomach starts twisting into knots too.

Nico looks lost in thought and she’s all by herself and Maki feels a rush of guilt for just leaving her like that. She brought Nico here, forced her feelings into their perfectly pleasant, emotionally distant, sexually fulfilling arrangement and then just abandoned her.

Good job, Maki.

She takes a few steps closer and clears her throat. Nico looks up. Maki raises her hand in an awkward wave.

“ _Finally,_ ” Nico says. “I was starting to think you’d left without me. I found our platform. It's this way.”

Maki nods and she follows. Did she mention how much she hates this?

“Did you have a nice afternoon?” Nico asks.

She fidgets with her scarf as she leans forward to look down the platform. Maki checks the train time on the board for what feels like the fifteenth time. She looks up at the high ceiling and down at the markings on the platform.

“Yeah,” Maki says.

She wants to say more, but she’s scared. She's worried that if she opens her mouth something terrible and embarrassing will come pouring out.

“I did too,” Nico says weakly.

Her smile looks forced. Maki knows it's her fault.

Those seven minutes on the platform feel like the longest wait of Maki’s life. When the train finally rolls in, it's crowded. Maki takes her seat and Nico hesitates before sitting next to her. She makes herself small and perches on the edge of the seat like Maki's going to bite.

The train starts to move. Maki looks out of the window and drums her fingers against the glass. She watches the snowy scenery blur past and it looks so nice. It’d be so pretty if she wasn’t feeling so crappy.

Nico braids a loose strand of her hair and hums under her breath. Maki has never been so consciously aware of every tiny move that someone makes before. She’s never really noticed how bad Nico is at sitting still. She just keeps fussing around – making noises or tapping her foot or retying the ribbon in her hair. It’s weird, sitting so close to someone but feeling like they’re on the other side of the world. 

Neither of them speak until the complimentary drinks trolley rolls past.

“I found cute stuff for the kids,” Nico says. She stirs the same brand of fruit tea she’d ordered on the train ride out. 

Maki looks at Nico. The light streams in through in through the window. It illuminates her face and makes her _glow_. 

“Oh,” Maki says, looking down at her feet. “I'm glad.”

“Yeah,” Nico says. “I wasn’t really sure what to get but I think I picked good ones!”

“Good.” Maki nods. 

Nico takes a breath and takes out her phone. Maki does the same, if only for something to distract herself. She stares at it and wonders what to do and then she remembers - music! She can put on her headphones and close her eyes and just zone out and listen to - _crap_. Where are her headphones? Maki roots around in her bag but she can't find them. Did she leave them at that cafe earlier? As if she needed anything else to go wrong!

She sighs and Nico looks at her. It's probably the third time they've accidentally made eye contact in the last minute.

“So,” Maki mumbles, “This is awkward.”

“Right?” Nico says. “It's pretty up there. Not quite as brutal as Nozomi and Eli finding buuut-”

Maki laughs. She stops herself. She looks of the window again.

“I'm sorry,” Nico says softly. “This trip was so nice. I totally ruined it, huh?”

“No,” Maki says. She focuses on the melting snow. Focuses on not blinking. “I ruined it. I shouldn't have said anything.”

Nico touches her arm and Maki shudders. Why do Nico's fingers always make her skin burn hot?

“No, Maki. It was me. I-” Nico glances to the side, like she’s suddenly conscious of the other passengers. She lowers her voice. “I don't know what we do now.”

“I don’t either. I think-” Maki swallows. “I think I just need some space.”

Nico moves her hand back.

“Maki must really hate me right now, huh?”

Maki turns towards the window again. The sun is so bright that it’s painful to look at - casting shadows, melting snow. They rush into a tunnel and all that’s left is darkness and Maki’s blank face reflected on the glass. That’s the problem with the sun, Maki thinks. When it's gone you miss the warmth of it. And all you have left is tired eyes and burnt skin.

Maki stares out into the darkness because it’s easier than looking at Nico.

“I don’t hate you, Nico,” she says. “That’s the problem.”

***

 

“That’s it, nya! No more moping!”

Maki crosses her arms tightly and frowns.

“Who’s moping?”

Rin leans across the diner-style booth and smushes her hands against Maki's cheeks in some bothersome attempt at making her smile. She only stops when Hanayo nudges her gently back into her seat and distracts her with the promise of food, even though they've yet to be served their drinks.

Maki glances around the room and sighs. This place is meant to be casual. It’s right near campus and the menu is mostly burgers _,_ and yet they're still the only table in the room that has more than two occupants. Maki looks at Rin and Hanayo sitting close together on the opposite side of the booth, and it’s obvious that she shouldn't be here. She feels like a pathetic third-wheel loser.

“Stop it,” Rin says, sternly.

“Stop what?” Maki asks.

Rin’s face crumples into an over-exaggerated frown.

“It's just my face!” Maki says. “This is just what I look like!”

Even Hanayo looks unconvinced. Maki tries to force a smile and blink her eyes innocently, in that same gross, girly way that a cute-but-nameless person who Maki hasn’t thought about at all lately might.

Hanayo leans over the table, eyes wide with concern.

“The bathroom’s that way if you’re feeling unwell,” she whispers.

Maki huffs loudly.

“I want to go home. I don't know why I agreed to this.”

“Because Maki loves us a lot,” Rin chirps. “And the milkshakes. Just wait until you taste the milkshakes!”

“I told you,” Maki says, “That I had no reason to go out on Valentine's Day. I told you I'd just end up ruining your night.”

She’d been perfectly content to spend the whole evening indoors, not moping - just to clarify - because why would she be moping? That whole brutal, heart-shattering personal rejection thing? She’s totally over that now. Maki’s far too distracted by preparing for finals to even give it any consideration. If she looks unhappy, it’s only because she’s always despised the gross and unnecessary commercialisation of romance. And okay, sure, _maybe_ she wanted to avoid all the sickening couples holding hands and kissing and doing sensible things like figuring out their feelings before having multiple sexual encounters, but that doesn't mean she needs her friends to take pity on her! Especially not when they should be spending time alone, being all cutesy and gross with each other. They shouldn’t have to deal with Maki bringing down the mood like this.

“You’re not ruining anything,” Hanayo says. “It’s always nice to see you.”

“Yeah," Rin chirps "We love Maki-time!” 

Maki narrows her eyes.

“And you’re sure Nozomi didn't put you up to this?"

"She didn't!" Hanayo says. "We just thought you might be free tonight because-”

“Because no one wants to date me,” Maki says, flatly.

“Um,” Hanayo says slowly, “Doesn’t… half your class wants to date you?”

“Boys don’t count,” Maki says, crinkling her nose. “And I only got confessed to twice this semester. Three times maximum. Either way it was a hassle!” She sighs and looks down at the table. "Are you sure I'm not in the way?"

"We're glad you're here! Kayochin and me get to be lovey-dovey all the time, nya!” Rin says, bumping her head affectionately against Hanayo’s. “Besides, I like having two dates!”

“Me too!" Hanayo beams.

Maki smiles back. Rin points her fork in Maki’s direction.

“Maki,” she says seriously, “I won't let you steal Kayochin from me.”

“I... don't want to?” Maki says.

“But she’s so cute!” Rin says, and she’s nuzzling again. Hanayo face turns increasingly redder as Rin nuzzles so furiously that Maki wonders if she’s trying to burrow her way directly into Hanayo’s body. “Why don’t you love her?”

Maki frowns in confusion. Rin narrows her eyes. Hanayo laughs nervously. They’re all saved by the distracting arrival of the milkshakes.

“By the way, Maki...” Hanayo says, stirring her drink with her straw “Are you… still friends with Yazawa?”

Maki inhales a mouthful of milkshake and gets a sudden rush of brainfreeze. She coughs.

“W-Why?” she asks.

“It’s really none of my business… ah, not my place to comment! But there was this workshop with the senior students last week - they were giving us some advice before they graduate, you see - and she seemed a little down, I think? I was just a little worried so I wondered if maybe... No! Like I said, it’s really not my concern, I-I’m sorry for being so rude-”

Hanayo looks down at the table. Maki drags her fingers through her hair. She feels a sharp stab of guilt. She’s barely spoken to Nico since that weekend. She told Nico to focus on her studies and she's dodged just about every message since. But Nico wouldn’t be sad about that, would she? Why would she even care? 

“If I tell you guys something,” Maki says, “Do you promise not to tell anyone?”

They both nod seriously.

Maki glances around the room. She looks at all the sickening couples and feels pretty confident that everyone’s far too interested in each other to be paying attention to her non-relationship drama.

“Something happened. With Nico and I. For a while, we were kind of-”

Maki pauses and searches for the right word.

“Dating?” Hanayo squeaks.

They both blink at her with big, innocent eyes. Maki can't tell them. She _can't._

“Something like that,” Maki mumbles.

“Ahhhh!” Rin yells and points at Maki. Several people turn to look. Hanayo stirs her milkshake more vigorously, muttering to herself. Maki waits until the people on nearby tables have turned back around to continue speaking.

“But we're not. Doing that anymore.”

Rin tilts her head to the side. Maki twists her fingers together to stop herself from messing with her hair.

“What happened?” Rin asks.

“She…” Maki takes another sip of her milkshake, “She doesn't want anything serious.”

“But you do?” Hanayo asks.

Maki feels her cheeks heat up.

“T-That’s not what I said!”

Maki stops spluttering and presses her lips tightly together as the waiter serves up their unhealthily large burgers.

“We ordered way too much food,” Maki mutters.

Rin steals a handful of fries from Maki's plate and beams.

“Rin!” Hanayo scolds.

“I'm _helping,_ ” Rin insists.

“ _Maki_ ,” Hanayo says. “You were saying-”

“There’s nothing to say. We haven’t really spoken much since I - since she-” Maki picks at her fries. “Look. It doesn’t matter, okay? Just forget I said anything.”

“I think-” Hanayo stops. She flushes. “No, I’m so out of line here, talking about a senpai this way, but then Maki's a good friend and I think she'd like to know and… help me… what do I do?”

“What is it?” Maki asks, so sharply that Hanayo squeaks.

“I wouldn't say I know her particularly well, but... I've never seen her like that before. She knows more than anyone when it comes to this stuff, but she didn’t say anything. She didn't offer advice or correct our mistakes. She just sat there quietly. Wearing sweatpants," Hanayo leans in dramatically. "She wasn’t even wearing makeup.”

Maki raises her eyebrows. That doesn't sound like Nico.

“I don't know what happened, but based on what I saw, I’d say it’s quite possible that she might be a little sad about whatever happened too?”

Maki crushes down the rush of hope that stirs in her chest. No. No way.  _Nope_. Don’t even go there, Maki. She shakes her head, like that'll help her shake those thoughts away.

“It’s probably just exam stress or something. But I’m sure she’d appreciate your concern.”

“D-Don’t tell her!” Hanayo says. “Please!”

“I won’t,” Maki says. She’d have to actually _talk_ to Nico first to tell her something like that.

“You can talk to us you know,” Rin says. She sounds surprisingly sincere, even through a mouthful of cheeseburger. “Like I said. We love Maki a lot!”

Maki smiles.

“Thanks for inviting me out,” she says. “I might have been moping, just a little. Do you guys want to do this again soon? My treat.”

“Will there be rice?" Hanayo asks hopefully.

"Sure," Maki says. "Why not."

Rin drops her half-eaten burger onto her plate.

“If you're trying you steal Kayochin-”

“I already said I'm not!”

“I knew it,” Rin mutters. “I knew Nico was your secret girlfriend.”

“What was that?” Maki glares.

“N-Nothing!” Rin says.

Maki’s feeling a little better as she steals a fry back from Rin’s plate. When Rin starts to protest, she just winks.

***

It turns out to be a more pleasant Valentine's evening than Maki could have ever hoped. She spends the ride home in the back seat of a cab avoiding looking out of the window. She doesn’t have the energy to look at all the annoying couples holding hands in the dark. Seeing them all being gross and sappy would definitely ruin her half-decent mood.

She also spends it thinking about Nico.

If Maki ever wants to see her again - if she wants some kind of closure on this messed up situation - then she should probably stop ignoring her. She should stop answering Nico with replies that are as curt as the ones she gives the annoying cab driver when he tries to ask her what such a pretty young girl is doing all alone on Valentine's Day.

She knows she should talk to Nico. It’s the only logical thing she can do. The problem is, every time she opens up a blank message she has nothing to say.

_Hey you left your lipstick at my-_

_One of your socks ended up in my suitcas-_

_I miss you I hate this can we just tal-_

Maki deletes every one of them. She drops her phone into her coat pocket because who is she kidding? She can't message Nico on _Valentine's Day_. Not unless she wants to look even more pathetic than she already does. She can’t message her tomorrow either because then it’ll look like she spent all of Valentine's Day dwelling on this stuff, and Maki can't do this. It's far too humiliating. She’s pissed off at herself for even _considering_ it.

Her mood has soured again by the time she walks into the lobby of her apartment building and checks her mailbox out of habit. She's expecting something boring at best. So she kind of does a double take. When she enters her security code and opens the tiny door and finds a small red box with a gold bow sitting on top of her mail.

Maki studies the box and frowns. It doesn’t weigh much, and there’s no postage attached, so someone must've brought it here. She wonders if it was someone in the building. Maybe it was that kind old lady from the third floor who left candy in the lobby for everyone at Christmas?

A man in a suit strolls in and opens his mailbox. Maki stands by and watches inconspicuously for signs that he received something similar, but all he pulls out is a disappointingly boring stack of letters. He looks at her curiously and Maki looks away. She locks her mailbox and rushes towards the elevator.

Maki places the box on her table and does a brisk lap around her apartment. It's probably from her family housekeeper. Or her Mama. Or her doorman. It probably has nothing to do with Valentine’s Day, so why is she so _nervous?_

She takes a seat and tugs at the gold ribbon and lets it unravel slowly. She takes the lid off the small box, and it is chocolates. Four pretty homemade-looking chocolates and every one of them has Hello Kitty drawn on in icing.

There's a note on a small pink piece of paper. All it says is: _For the biggest Hello Kitty fan I know. Be sure to brush your teeth after!_ ♡♡

Maki reads it several times over. She laughs and shakes her head. Why is Nico like this? Why would she even send Maki chocolates? Because she was making them for everyone and she had some spare? Or maybe because of some weird guilt complex?

Maki doesn't think she'll ever understand what Nico’s thinking, but it's hard to be too annoyed at her when the chocolate tastes so good.

She picks up her phone and this time she doesn’t hesitate. This time she knows exactly what to say.

 _You’re so weird_ , she types. _Thank you._

***

 

Thanking Nico for the chocolate doesn’t exactly open up the gateway to fluent and healthy communication. More accurately, it makes Maki painfully aware of how little she actually has to say. It’s two days after Valentine’s Day and they’ve exchanged approximately four awkward texts and Maki still hasn’t worked up the nerve to ask Nico if she wants to meet up and talk about… what, exactly? What is there to say? 

This whole situation is so annoying and she’s just about convinced herself that she’s going to have to send the message about the sock when she spots two girls wandering through campus with crepes and she remembers. The crepe stall. Doesn't Nico still work at the crepe stall?

Maki knows where it is. Nico’s pointed it out to her before, and it’s hard to forget that offensively pink monstrosity. Of course, it's quite unlikely Nico would even be working, but it is on Maki's route home (if she takes a ten minute detour) and she wanted to swing by that area anyway to pick up… something. She forgets what. She’s sure walking by that area will help her remember!

Maki tugs at her scarf as she turns onto the busy street and reassures herself that this isn't borderline stalking. It’s just a more traditional form of communication. Society is overly reliant on technology these days and undervalues face to face contact and _oh god_  she's there. Nico's wiping down the counter wearing a striped uniform and a tiny pointed hat.

Maki’s heart flips and she forgets how to breathe and this was a terrible idea, what was she thinking? She can't do this she can't do this she can't-

“Welcome! What can I get for— _oh?_ Maki?! W-What are you doing here?”

Nico’s voice drops from customer service chirpy to low and surprised so suddenly that the redhead in the matching uniform turns around to look at them curiously. Maki remembers her. Her name is... Kousaka? She starred opposite Tsubasa in that winter performance and now she’s looking between Nico and Maki with great interest and curiosity and it’s kind of making Maki want to sink into the ground and cease existing.

Maki knows she has to say something but when she opens her mouth she promptly forgets every word she's ever learned and all she can say is -

“Tomato.”

Nico blinks her pretty eyes in confusion.

“Can I get…” Maki squints at the plastic display of crepes that are mostly filled with cake and ice cream, “One with tomato?”

Nico studies the menu and frowns.

“Tomato? Uhh, we don't really sell-”

“I'm sure we can rustle something up!” Kousaka says enthusiastically. “It’s pretty quiet after all! But what would go with it…” She hums thoughtfully.

“Anything’s fine,” Maki says. “As long as there's tomato.”

“Then just leave it to me!”

She whizzes off to grab some ingredients and then Maki’s left staring at Nico again, and it’s weird, how the stall is above slightly above ground level, so Maki has to crane her neck up to meet Nico’s eyes. It’s kind of a novel experience. Maki’s never had to look _up_ at Nico before.

“So-” they both say.

Nico giggles.

“Go on,” she says.

“No,” Maki says, “You go.”

“You… cut your hair,” Nico says.

“Only a little,” Maki says, running her fingers through it. “It was annoying me.”

“It looks nice,” Nico says.

“Thanks. You uh-” Maki's mind goes blank again. “Left your sock?”  
  
Nico’s face twists in confusion.

“After.... that weekend. I think I packed it in my suitcase by mistake?”

“Oh!” Nico laughs and it rings out nervous. “I totally didn’t notice.”

“Right. Yeah. Why would you?” Maki says, and that weekend. Why did she have to mention that weekend?

Nico laughs but it fades out quickly. There’s a long moment of silence. Nico chews on her lip, and Maki tries not to think about how pink they are. How many times she's kissed them. How much she kind of still wants to.

“Oh! I hope the chocolate was okay? We made too much and I just thought it’d be funny if - but I'm sorry if it was weird that I-”

“No. It was good. Though I have admit, I was kind of surprised that you-”

“Ta da!” Kousaka spins back around and waves a half-wrapped crepe at Maki. “How does this look?”

“Perfect." Maki says, though she's not hungry at all. “Thank you.”

She can feel Nico watching as she hands over her money.

“Well,” Maki says, slowly, “Thanks for the crepe.”

She nods politely and takes a step back. She wishes she could force her mouth to say something that matters.

“That sock!” Nico says quickly. “It’s… Nico's favourite. Do you mind if I uh. Get it back at some point?”

Maki looks up at Nico. She’s not used to seeing her look so unsure - fingers twisting together, big anxious eyes. It’s almost annoying, how cute she looks. How nice she smells. How just being near her makes Maki _ache_.

“Yeah,” Maki says slowly. “I don’t see any problems with that?”

“Are you sure?” Nico asks. “Because. I mean, if you’re too busy or it’s too soon-”

“No,” Maki says. “It’s yours. We can meet up and I’ll give it back. Maybe we can... talk?”

“Yeah,” Nico says. “I-If that's okay?”

Kousaka leans in close.

“ _Whoa_ ,” she says to Nico. “The mood is, like, so dramatic right now? You must really like that sock.”

Nico nudges Kousaka back and smiles a wide gritted-teeth grin.

“Like I said. It’s Nico’s favourite.” She looks down at Maki again. “So I’ll... speak to you later?”

“Sure,” Maki says. “And uh, Nico?”

“Yeah?”

Maki’s not sure what’s happening, but something about it feels _right_. It kind of feels like emerging from deep under the water and gasping in fresh air, and even though her nose hurts and her eyes are sore, at least she can finally breathe again. At least now she can hope for something better than drowning.

“That hat looks ridiculous,” she says, and she can’t help but smile when Nico gasps and looks offended.

***

 

The plan is to go for coffee, and Maki likes that. Coffee is safe and soothing. Its pleasant aroma will be a nice distraction from that occasional stabbing pain that Maki gets in her chest when she thinks of Nico. Things can't get too pour-your-heart-out personal if they're crushed around a small table in a room full of sleep-deprived students.

It's a good sensible plan.

But like most things Nico related, that perfectly good plan gets waylaid.

It all starts when Maki wakes up in the morning with the worst headache of her life. It's not that unusual - she’s had a near constant headache for days now, which might have something to do with her terrible sleep schedule. Maki knows that staying up until the early hours of the morning cramming in facts about pharmacology and bone density and spinal fluids until she practically passes is probably not particularly healthy, but some nights it’s the only way she can force herself to fall asleep.

Her apartment just feels so empty these days.

But caffeine exists for a reason, and Maki's not going to ruin her attendance record for a lousy headache. She crawls out of bed and knocks back some painkillers and applies a thick layer of makeup and that's it. She's good to go. It's honestly not a big deal.

Only things gets worse.

By the time she leaves her afternoon class, Maki’s whole body is aching and she’s shivering so much that she doesn’t dare to even think about unzipping her thickest winter coat, but that’s no cause for concern. It is still February, after all. And, sure, maybe her throat is getting increasingly scratchier by the minute and her respiratory system is frankly not doing its best and she just sneezed six or seven times in a row but Maki’s fine. Other than those very mild irritants, she’s feeling great. Who needs to breathe through their nose anyway?

Okay. Fine. Maybe Maki's not feeling great. Maybe it's such an overwhelming effort to check out a stack of fresh textbooks from the library that she wonders if she even has the ability to hold a conversation with someone as energetic as Nico. But she can't cancel. She can't keep ignoring the lingering awkwardness that's constantly coiled in her stomach. They finally have an excuse to talk and Maki doesn't think they can drag that whole sock thing out any longer.

So she drags herself out into the cold and through the thrum of students, towards the coffee shop. She spots Nico leaning against the wall outside. When Maki gets close she takes her headphones off and smiles smugly.

“Late as usual, huh Nishikino? Some things never change.”

Maki opens her mouth to protest that one minute and thirty seconds after the designated meeting time is not late. She opens her mouth and all that comes out is a loud chesty cough.

Nico leans in closer. Maki’s pulse quickens.

“Hey, are you okay?” Nico frowns. “Because, no offence, but you kinda look like shit.”

“Why bother saying no offence?” Maki grumbles. “Who wouldn’t take offence to that?”

Maki’s voice comes out all raspy and gross. She clears her throat. Nico narrows her eyes.

“Are you sick?” Nico asks.

“No?”

Nico reaches out her hand and touches Maki’s forehead. Maki shivers at her cold fingers.

“You're burning up.”

“I’m fine.”

“You have a _fever_.”

“I’ve just been feeling a little off lately. Can we go inside now? It’s freezing.”

“Don't you dare take another step!”

Nico strides in front of Maki with her hands on her hips. Maki takes a step back, because Nico might be tiny but she can be kind of intimidating when she wants to be. She takes a step back because Nico’s voice gets kind of loud and shrill when she’s angry, and Maki can’t really handle anything more than a whisper right now.

“I'm not going to let you go in there and wire yourself up on caffeine when you clearly need to rest."

“I’m _fine_ ,” Maki says, again. “You’re overreacting.”

She finishes her sentence with several sneezes, demonstrating an impressive display of one-handed textbook balancing in an attempt to prevent the airborne transmission of her annoying symptoms to the general population.

“Let’s go.”

“Where?”

“Your place,” Nico says like it’s obvious.

Maki’s breath catches. Those words. Nico’s said them so many times before.

“I don’t know…”

“What, are you worried I’ll try and make a move while you're all sick and disgusting? I’m just trying to make sure you get some rest because you’re super bad at taking care of yourself and, let’s be honest here, even Cotarou has a better grasp on simple domestic tasks than you do.”

“Nico,” Maki says weakly. “Really. You don’t have to-”

She coughs again, so hard that a few people turn to look, and god, this is so annoying. She feels so gross. She needs to buy a facemask. She hates her immune system for making her look so _weak_.

“We’ll pick up some medicine on the way. Then Nico will make you soup and put you to bed.”

“That’s really not necessary.”

“Maki! Stop fighting me! I know things are kinda weird right now, but you're my friend and I want to be there for you so can we just put all that bullshit aside for like five minutes? Please?”

Maki nods slowly, if only because she’s too exhausted to argue with Nico.

Nico holds out her hands.

“Give me your books.”

Maki hugs her textbooks closer to her chest.

“They’ve heavy.”

“Give. Me. Them.”

“You’re being ridiculous,” Maki says, as Nico takes them from her.

“And you’re wasting your voice when you should be resting it,” Nico says, sternly. “Stop complaining. Let’s go.”

***

Nico banishes Maki to her bedroom. It’s almost funny, that three weeks ago Nico pointing at a bed and ordering Maki to lie down would have had such a different meaning. It’s almost funny, except it’s not. It _hurts_. It’s weird how much things have changed.

Maki’s not sure that a common cold has ever treated with such careful concern but she’s too tired to argue, so she lets Nico loose in her kitchen with some ingredients she picked up at the convenience store and just closes her eyes.

She tries not to think about how right it feels, to have Nico back in her apartment. Tries not to think about how weird it is that it’s _not weird,_ hearing Nico singing and rattling about in the kitchen. She tries not to go there because Nico made her feelings pretty clear, and Maki won’t dare to dream about anything ever changing.

***

Maki doesn’t remember falling asleep, but she does remember waking up coughing so hard she’s gasping for breath. Her throat feels like sandpaper. She stumbles out of bed towards her kitchen and finds Nico sitting on her sofa.

She stands up quickly. 

“What are you doing up? If you need something you should’ve called.”

“I didn’t know if you were still here,” Maki says. Her voice sounds horrible. She coughs and moves towards the kitchen.

“Sit!" Nico points at the sofa. “What do you need?”

“Water,” Maki rasps.

Nico heads off towards the sink. Maki drops down onto her couch and tries to think about anything but how many times her and Nico have had sex in this exact spot. Nico hands her a glass of water. Maki drinks it all in one go.

“How long was I asleep?” she asks. 

“Like, an hour maybe? I made some soup and cleaned up a little... Oh, and I started on some readings for class.”

Maki raises her eyebrows.

“Don't look so surprised. Even Nico studies sometimes!”

“Who knew,” Maki says.

Nico lingers awkwardly in the middle of the room. Maki shifts uncomfortably. There’s a good ten seconds of silence.

“I-I’ll go soon,” Nico says. “I just wanted to make sure you eat something. But I promise I’ll get out of your way soon, okay?”

“You’re not in the way.”

“Come on, Maki. It’s pretty obvious that you don’t want me here. But... I get it.”

Maki wonders what Nico would say if she told her that in fact it’s the total opposite. Maki opens her mouth and Nico rushes off into the small kitchen area. Maki hears the clatter of bowls.

“You’re lucky Nico took pity on you, you know. My soup is the best around! I make it for the kids every time they're sick."

“Thanks. For making it for me."

“Oh, no, it’s nothing. It’s honestly the least I could do after... you know.” 

Maki smiles wryly.

“So that’s what this is," Maki says. "Guilt.”

She coughs and Nico turns and glares.

“Stop talking so much! And sit at the table.”

Maki moves slowly towards the chairs. Nico places two bowls of soup on the table. She tops up Maki’s glass with more water then reappears with two spoons.

“Eat it all,” Nico says, in her most threatening voice. “No excuses.”

Maki nods.

“Thanks for the food.”

They eat in silence. Maki watches Nico as she blows on her spoon to cool down her soup, and she’s kind of pissed off that she manages to looks so cute doing it. It's tasty. Warm and comforting. And Maki's appetite is pretty much non-existent right now.

Nico stacks their empty bowls when they’re finished. 

“It’s not guilt, you know,” she says. “That’s not why I’m here. I mean, sure, maybe there’s a tiny bit of guilt because I do feel bad about ruining that totally hot thing we had going on-”

“My fault,” Maki says. She coughs hoarsely.

“Shhh,” Nico says. “You're making it worse. Remember when you used to be all grouchy and only give one word answers? Just channel that Maki again.”

“Stop being so nice to me then. Stop being sweet.”

“Insult my favourite idols. I’ll throw some pasta at you. Then maybe we can go back to hating each other again?"

Maki smiles weakly.

“I’d like that," she says.

“That feels like such a long time ago, huh? Though I can still picture your exact face when the spaghetti hit your lap.”

Nico giggles and Maki glares.

“Not funny.”

“It was a little bit funny.’

“Everyone was staring. I had to borrow an apron from the kitchen to cover the stain!”

Nico cackles. Maki feels a sharp pain in her throat. She gulps down some more water.

“I love how you’re suddenly a chatterbox,” Nico says. “I used to have to force you to talk and now I can’t get you to shut up.”

Nico reaches out and touches Maki's forehead.

"Whoa," she says. "You're still totally burning up."

Maki can’t handle the way she lingers close. Can’t handle that soft look in her eyes. She doesn't want this. She doesn't want Nico here being gentle and sweet.

“You should go, Nico. Before you get sick too.”

Nico jumps up and starts rummaging through her convenience store bag.

“Don't worry about me, okay? Nico’s tough. I’m not leaving until you’ve taken this medicine and I know you’re resting.”

“Take me to bed, then,” Maki says.

Nico drops her bag. She flushes pink.

“What?” Maki asks.

“Y-Your voice sounds kind of sexy when it’s all raspy.”

“Stop making fun of me."

“No, no, I’m serious. Can you say something else?”

Maki narrows her eyes.

“Medicine,” she says.

***

The medicine Maki feel drowsy. Nico tucks in the bed covers the way she always used to. She brushes back the hair off Maki’s forehead and makes her wear one of those cooling patches and Maki feels like a pathetic little kid, being fussed over like this, but she also feels warm, and she’s sure it’s not just the fever.

Nico leans close and her long hair falls forward. Maki wishes her nose would cooperate so she could smell her shampoo. Nico’s hair always smells so _nice._

Nico ends up next to her, on the side of the bed Maki started thinking of as Nico’s, back when things were different. Nico’s in her bed again, and if Maki wasn’t so zoned out her heart would probably be beating out of her chest. She closes her eyes and Nico trails her fingers through her hair and it feels so _nice_. Maki’s too tired to worry about how sweaty and gross she must be. The corners of her lips curl into a smile.

“Missed you,” she murmurs.

Nico’s voice sounds far away - like she's underwater, or maybe Maki is - but Maki hears it. Nico strokes her hair and she whispers, “I missed you too.”

***

Maki opens her eyes when she senses the movement. Her head aches as the room comes into focus slowly - a blurred haze of shapes, Nico climbing out of bed beside her. The sky outside her window is a soft hazy orange - that beautiful, lingering moment between darkness and light.

“Sorry," Nico whispers. "I didn’t mean to wake you. I have to get going, but your phone’s right here, okay? Promise you’ll call if you need anything?”

Maki nods.

“Thanks,“ she says. “For looking after me.”

Nico smiles.

“Don’t mention it. _Someone’s_ got to.”

“Can I... ask you something?” Maki’s voice is an embarrassing croak. Her heart picks up speed.

“Go back to sleep, Maki." 

“One question? Because I’m so sick."

Maki fakes a cough. She fools herself when it turns into a very real and very painful coughing fit. Nico waits patiently.

"So now you're sick, huh? I thought you were fine."

Maki puts her hand against her forehead.

“Is my fever getting worse? I feel so dizzy…”

Nico narrows her eyes.

“You wouldn't last two minutes in my acting class, you know.”

Maki attempts to look as pitiful as possible. Not her usual style, but she’s spent enough time with Nico to have picked up on a few techniques.

Nico sighs loudly.

“Fine. One question.”

“Have you... dated a lot? I mean, like, real dating?”

Nico’s eyes go wide. Her mouth twists to the side.

“There's been a cute girl here and there, but… never anything serious, I guess? Why?”

Maki averts her eyes.

“N-No reason.”

“It’s not like I'd rather find someone else, if that's what you're thinking. It’s more like... like I don’t have time to date _anyone_. So it’s not you. There’s nothing wrong with _you_. It’s me. I’m-” She smiles brightly. “I’m just way too busy for any distractions! Even cute ones.”

“So you're just going to be alone forever?” Maki asks flatly.

“Nico’s never alone when I've got so many adoring fans! How can I limit myself to just person? Wouldn't that be so unfair?"

Nico strikes a pose and grins. Maki doesn’t smile back.

“Whoa," Nico says. "It’s getting so late. I really need to-”

Maki reaches out and finds Nico's hand. She grips it with all the strength she can muster.

“What are you so afraid of?” she asks.

For a brief moment, Nico squeezes her hand back. For a brief moment, Maki thinks Nico might answer.

Then Maki sneezes approximately nine times in a row and makes everything gross again.

“The only thing Nico’s worried about is Maki not getting enough sleep! I’ll be checking in on you, so make sure you rest a lot, okay?”

Nico reaches out her hand. One moment her thumbs brushing across Maki’s hot cheek. The next moment she’s gone.

***

 

Eli raises her eyebrows as Maki places her glass down forcefully on the table.

“What?” Maki asks.

“Is that drink number four? I’m still on my second.”

“I'm _thirsty_ ,” Maki says defensively.

Eli gives Maki her very best concerned senpai look.

Maki climbs back onto her chair gracefully with a smug little nod in Eli’s direction because _look._ Look how perfectly sober she is. If she’s drinking at a more rapid pace than usual, it’s only because she just got over that annoying cold recently and her body is crying out for vitamins - which everyone knows tomatoes are full of - so knocking back Bloody Marys is probably one of the healthiest choices she could make right now. Maki’s a doctor, you know. (Or, well, she will be one day. But she comes from a family of medical professionals which is basically the same thing!)

“Come on, Eli. Weren't you just saying how everything's going to get all serious when you graduate? Let's just have some fun.”

Maki leans on the table and squeaks in surprise when it shakes and her drink wobbles precariously.

“Sure. Fun.” Eli slides Maki's drink away from her. “Nice, sensible fun.”

Maki grabs her drink back and takes an indignant gulp. It’s Saturday night and she’s a college student. This is basically what society expects of her. Maki takes another sip and savours the taste.

“I’m just enjoying my freedom, that's all. Nico always used to tell me off for drinking these. She said they tasted like cold soup, but she was wrong. Don't you think she's wrong? Oh, but speaking of soup, did I tell you Nico made me some?”

Eli frowns in confusion. “Oh?”

“When I was sick. First she rejects me and then she makes me soup. And I told you about the Valentine’s chocolates, right? Does that make any sense to you? I don’t get her at all.”

“I can see why that might be... confusing.”

“Right? She's so-” Maki takes a breath. “No, you know what. I don't even care. Let's talk about something else.”

“Whatever you want.” Eli smiles kindly.

Maki sucks on her straw but all she gets is a rush of air and the sound of an empty glass. She frowns down at the menu on the table and her vision blurs a little. Maybe she _should_ slow down. All the vodka’s making her feel like she’s flammable.

She leans on the table again and sighs.

“I kind of envy you, you know. You and Nozomi always seem to have everything figured out.”

Eli’s mouth twists into a smile. She shakes her head.

“I don't know about that...”

“Seriously. I know I was kind of a pain about it at first, but… you seem really good for each other. Like, I can't even imagine you two not getting along.”

“Oh,” Eli says. “We definitely have our share of disagreements.”

“Really?”

“Of course. Who doesn’t?”

“That’s true,” Maki says. “But it’s not so bad, right? Fighting may be annoying but the sex is always-”

Eli’s eyebrows shoot up. Maki covers her mouth.

“What?”

“W-What?” Maki echoes nervously.

Eli laughs and Maki feels her cheeks get hotter. Did she really just say that? To _Eli_?

“The thing with Nico,” Maki says, and is she still talking? How does she make her mouth stop? “Is that I feel like she’d be happy to keep doing that stuff but… I don’t want to. Or, no, wait, I _do_ want to, but it’s like… I want more? I don't know.” Maki looks down at the table. She makes a face. “Should I text her?”

“No.”

Maki pulls out her phone.

“I'm gonna text her.”

“Don't text her!”

“You’re right,” Maki says. “That's a terrible idea. I’m so glad you’re here, Eli. Thanks for making sure I don’t do anything stupid.”

***

 

Maki wakes up the next morning with a dry mouth and a strong suspicion that she might have passed away in the night and woken up in some depressing afterlife. It wouldn’t be that unlikely. She feels like death. Her limbs are aching and her head is pounding and when she stumbles into the bathroom to drink water - _lots_ of water - she finds her skin has taken on a greyish tinge. 

She groans and flops down onto her bathroom floor because all that sudden movement - climbing out of bed, putting one foot in front of the other - has left her feeling kind of nauseous.

Maki focuses on how smooth and cold her bathroom tiles feel against her skin tries to remember what happened. She remembers talking to Eli for a long time but… not so much after that. She doesn't even remember how she got home.

It's all a bit of a blur: Eli's kind smile. Vodka - lots of it. Tomato juice. A smoky bar. Perfume so sweet that it burns her nose. Hot breath. Devil red eyes. No. She _didn't_ … did she?

Maki drags herself up off the floor. She crawls back to her room to grab her phone and tries to ignore the way her stomach protests against that idea. She swipes her finger across her screen and she sees it. There's a blurry photo of her and Nico posing together set as her background. It's definitely new. Maki’s wearing the same shirt she was wearing last night. The same shirt she's… still wearing now.

Maki opens up her photos and finds several similar, equally blurry selfies - some with Nico, some with Eli and... Nozomi? Maki doesn't remember seeing Nozomi! She scrolls all the way back until she finds one she does remember taking - a nice, pretty, _respectable_ picture with Eli from the beginning of the night.

Maki drags her fingers through her hair. She has several unread messages. It takes her a long moment to work up the courage to read them. There’s one from Eli asking her if she’s feeling okay, a link from Nozomi to some ancient hangover remedy and several from Nico: _let nico kno w when ur homr_ ♡♡♡♡ and _maki?, did u die?????_

Maki scrolls up further and finds several embarrassing drunken messages. She groans when she sees the evidence right there. It was her fault. She’d invited both Nico and Nozomi out to meet them. Why would she do something so dumb? Why didn’t Eli stop her? What if she said something terrible and humiliating? Oh god, what if she _cried_?

Maki doesn’t want to know what happened, but she also kind of feels like she needs to. Eli would probably be the safest person to ask, but Maki somehow feels like she’s already caused her enough trouble. She also feels like Nozomi probably wouldn’t know the whole story (yet). So there’s only really one person she can ask. Maki takes a shaky breath and hits call.

Nico takes longer than usual to answer.

“Maki,” Nico says. Her voice sounds much lower and flatter than usual, “Nico-Nico needs some water. Let me call you back in a bit, okay?”

It's somehow reassuring to hear that Nico sounds as rough as Maki feels, though it's also a cause for concern. Maki forces herself to take a quick shower and just about manages to stomach a dry piece toast. She feels a little more human after brushing her teeth.

She’s just drifting back to sleep on her couch when Nico calls her back. She jumps when she feels her phone vibrate.

“Hey.” Maki yawns.

“Good morning!” Nico chirps. She’s back to full volume. 

“Can you maybe talk a little quieter?”

“Sure,” Nico's voice is a loud stage whisper. “What's up?”

“I need to ask you something,” Maki says, “A-About last night.”

Nico makes an awkward sound.

“Last night, huh? Okay, uhhh. Which part?”

“All of it?”

Nico laughs nervously. Maki winces.

“So, uhhh. So you don't remember any of it?”

“Not... exactly,” Maki says.

“Right. Okay. So if you want the whole story, it all started when Nico was being a perfect angel as per usual-”

“Nico,” Maki says, flatly.

“Okay, so it started when Nico was watching this really cheesy drama with Nozomi and we were working our way through this really nice plum wine and then _someone_ messaged me out of nowhere-”

“Ah...”

“And started begging Nico to come hang out.”

“I didn’t beg!”

“And since I really loved those hilarious snaps you sent me of you and Eli-”

“Oh god...”

“Then I kind of had no choice but to come along!”

Maki stares at her ceiling.

_Shit._

“I know what you’re thinking,” says Nico. “And don’t worry. Nico screenshotted every single Snapchat.”

“Delete them. Please.”

“Nope. You sent them to me so they're mine now.”

“Nico!” Maki whines.

“I did wonder, you know. If it’d be a good idea for me to show up. But I thought maybe... I dunno. I thought it’d be good for us to just hang out and not get hung up on all that awkward stuff? And you and Eli had moved onto this tiny little gay bar and you were wearing this really funny hat you’d picked up from God knows where-”

The hat. Maki vaguely remembers the hat. It belonged to the… bar owner, maybe? No, minor details. Focus on the bigger picture.

“So… you met us there? You and Nozomi?”

“Uh huh. You were so funny. So _messy_. Drunk Maki is my favourite~”

Maki groans in embarrassment.

“So we all hung out for a bit?” She asks. “I, uh, saw the pictures.”

“Yep! It was pretty fun! And then…”

Nico laughs. It rings out nervous.

“And then…?” Maki asks cautiously.

Nico makes another awkward sound.

“So Nozomi bought this round of shots, right? And I kinda stole yours, but only because I thought you'd had enough already. Nico was just being a hero! But you got super offended and kept insisting you wanted it back so I was like…” Nico laughs nervously again. “It's kind of embarrassing, but I was all _come over here and get it back_ and uhhh. Well. The next thing you know we were kind of. We were making out in the bathroom.”

“The _bathroom_?” Maki echoes in mild disgust.

“I know. Gross, right? And at first I was like, hold up, no, we shouldn't, but I was also like _whoa_! Because you’re hot and I’m weak and gay, and you’ve gotta understand, Nico had just consumed an unhealthy amount of tequila trying to save your drunk ass so we kind of just-”

Maki takes a sharp breath. She remembers it. The flickering lights and the heat of Nico’s skin. The breathy sounds she’d made and the sharp taste of alcohol when Maki licked into her mouth. At a bar. In the _bathroom._ God, Maki's a disaster.

“Nico! W-We didn’t - did we-?”

“Oh no, _no,_ it didn't get that far. But I mean. Maybe if Eli hadn’t walked in…”

“Eli walked in?!”

“We weren't exactly sober enough to lock the door.”

“Oh my god,” Maki says. “Ohmy _god_.”

“Eli was so scary! She gave me such a disappointed look at I was like, _uhhh_ , Nico’s the one who’s just lost two shirt buttons thanks to Doctor grabby-hands Nishikino over here.”

“I’m sorry,” Maki mumbles. “This is so embarrassing…”

“Don't be.  _I'm_ sorry. Considering everything that's happened, I probably shouldn't have kissed you back but I-”

Nico's voice fades out. Maki sits up. She drags her fingers through her hair. The silence lingers for a moment too long.

“Anyway, I'm pretty sure Eli took you home after that? You, uh, asked me to come back with you, but … I really didn't think that was a good idea. And I think Eli might have actually killed me if I’d even considered it so... None for Maki. Just a nice Nico solo album when I got home.”

Maki looks at her bookshelf and tries not to think about what that means.

“And just so you know,” Nico says, “By that I meant that I masturb-”

“I know what you mean!” Maki snaps.

Nico laughs. Maki adjusts the phone because her hand is starting to cramp.

“I guess I caused you a lot trouble.”

“It's fine! It wasn't exactly a bad time, you know? But I’ve gotta admit, I was kind of surprised. I didn't think I'd get to kiss you again.”

Maki swallows. Her throat feels dry. There’s a long moment silence where Maki just stares up at her ceiling.

“Did you want to?” she asks, quietly. “Kiss me again.” 

“ _Of course,_ ” Nico says. “Why wouldn't I? I mean, if you wanted to, I’d totally be down to do that stuff again. Stick to the rules or whatever this time. Keep things simple. I mean, you clearly have a lot of tension built up. Why don't you let Nico help with that?"

Maki bites her lip. She's thought about it. How easy it'd be to ignore all her common sense and just carry on with this because it’s the closest she can get Nico. Because it makes her feel good.

Only it doesn't make her feel good _after_. Lately it just makes her feel kind of lonely.

“Because it's not real,” Maki says. “That’s what you said, isn’t it?”

“Well, yeah but…”

“In real life, you don’t usually get to enjoy the fun parts and opt out when things get too serious.”

“I know that," Nico says. “But this is what you wanted. All the benefits, none of the hassle. It’s literally what we agreed on!”

“Well it’s not what I want now.”

Maki doesn't just want physical satisfaction. She wants to hold Nico’s hand and walk by the ocean and share a candlelit dinner on the balcony of her family’s best beach house, even if there's a pretty good chance they'll both disagree over something stupid and be tempted to push each other off the edge. She wants to get all dressed up and take Nico to the opera, even though there's a _very_ good chance she'd start suggesting that some modern choreography and a couple of sparkly crop tops would make everything so much better.

She wants Nico. _All_ of her. Nico when she’s angry. Nico when she wakes up grouchy with bad breath. Even Nico when she’s been weird and evasive and frustrating as hell.

“I know you’re scared,” Maki says quietly. “I am too. I’m hard to get along with, and you’re kind of a nightmare. There are endless possibilities for this to go wrong. But something about us just _works,_ Nico. You can call it whatever you want, but you've basically been dating me for months!"

“We’ve had a lot of fun,” Nico says, “But I've got to be serious. Everyone’s got all these company jobs lined up for when they graduate but the entertainment industry is kind of different, you know? It's got to be my priority."

“I  _get_ that. No one's trying to take that away from you! It doesn't have to be like this. It doesn't have to be so complicated."

Nico’s quiet. Maki doesn't like it one bit.

"It's just hard," Nico says.

"Then let me make it easy," Maki says flatly. "No more of this. No more hooking up in seedy bathrooms-"

“It wasn’t seedy! It was nicely decorated! And you started that, by the way.”

“Well, you started _this._ All of this. And sometimes I really wish you hadn't.”

“Maki...” 

“The next time I text you, just ignore it. Or, no, ever better, you won’t read it in the first place because I’m done. I’m not going to do this anymore. If you want to fuck someone and pretend it doesn’t mean anything, then find someone else. I’m tired of this game, Nico.”

***

 

Maki finishes bowing and she stands up straight. She doesn’t often visit the shrine this early in the morning (to be honest, she’s rarely _awake_ this early in the morning) but when she’d found herself wide awake at dead-on 6am, after, at most, three hours of sleep, she kind of just drifted here. She spent a good hour trying to go back to sleep, but eventually she just gave up and threw on some clothes and just walked out of her front door.

She was planning on grabbing a coffee and heading to the library, but something had drawn her towards the shrine as she walked past it.

And that's why she’s here now. It looks so peaceful shrouded in the morning sunlight, with just a few early risers passing through. Maki’s glad she stopped to pray. She could probably use some spiritual guidance right now.

“My, you’re up early this morning!”

Maki startles and jumps. She spins around, her hand pressed over her pounding heart.

“Nozomi,” she hisses, “Don't _do_ that.”

“Sorry.” Nozomi giggles. “I didn’t realise you were so deep in thought.”

Nozomi looks like she’s exactly where she belongs - with her sweeping brush and her Miko outfit. It surprises Maki, how glad she is to see her. There’s something so soothing about the way she smiles - warm and hopeful, like the first sign of spring.

“You look well,” Nozomi says.

“I look dead,” Maki says, “ _You_ look well.”

“That’s because I'm so pleased you finally stopped by. Hey, do you want hear your fortune?”

“No thanks,” Maki says. “I’m not really into that stuff.”

“Come on,” Nozomi says. “It’ll be fun. It’s on me.”

Nozomi links her arm through Maki’s and leads her to the other side of the shrine, and Maki can’t say she’s thrilled at the thought of receiving some ominous cursed fortune. She wonders if Nozomi has fixed it somehow when she stares down at the little piece of paper that suggests she'll soon receive a great blessing.

“Those are pretty rare, you know,” Nozomi says. “You’re lucky.”

“I guess,” Maki says. She offers the paper out to Nozomi. “I don't really need this. Can you give it to someone else?”

“That’s not how it works.” Nozomi smiles.

Maki shrugs and tucks it into her coat pocket.

“Hey… what are you doing right now?” Nozomi asks.

“Not much." Maki shrugs.

“Then… since fate brought us together like this, would you like to make the most of it? How about a drink?”

“It’s a little early, isn’t it?”

Nozomi giggles. “I meant some tea.”

“Make it coffee and you’re on,” Maki says. “My treat. As a thanks for the fortune.”

“Sure,” Nozomi says. “I'm just about done here. Just let me go get changed!”

*** 

Nozomi takes her into an ordinary little fourth floor cafe with an extraordinary little rooftop garden. It's basically empty, since most of the other customers are just bustling in and grabbing takeout. Maki leans over the balcony and looks down at the all the people rushing towards work or school. The morning sun casts shadows over the shrine, which she can just about see from up here. It's not the warmest morning, but it’s clear and fresh. March came around more quickly than expected. Something in the air makes it feel like spring is finally on its way.

“You know, Elicchi and I had one of our first dates up here. The desserts are _wonderful._ I’d highly recommend you try them.”

“That sounds nice,” Maki says. She takes a seat opposite Nozomi. “I didn’t even know this place existed.”

“It’s easy to fail to see what’s right in front of you, isn’t it? Or at least that’s what I keep telling Nicocchi.”

Maki feels herself tense. She wondered how soon that name was going to come up.

“Does she listen?” Maki asks.

“Does she ever?” Nozomi smiles affectionately. “Have you talked to her much recently?”

Maki looks down at the table.

“Not really. I kind of - we're not really seeing each other anymore.”

“I figured. She didn’t mention it, but she’s been weird lately. You know that smile and that cheerful voice she does when she's unhappy?”

“The creepy one?”

Nozomi nods.

“It’s like that. Time a hundred. Constantly.”

Maki shakes her head. Just the thought of it makes her shudder.

“I don't know what she's so unhappy about. Things turned out the way she wanted.”

Nozomi hums and pours tea from her pot. Maki looks back down to the street below.

“Did you know her Mama used to act?”

“Nico’s mother?”

“Yep! Shame she didn’t make it big, huh? Can you imagine Nicocchi as one of those celebrity babies?” Nozomi strikes a pose. “A fashion icon at age 3.”

“Signing autographs before she can write. Though, wait, I'm pretty sure she did that anyway.”

“Probably.” Nozomi laughs.

“So what happened? She just never got discovered or something?”

“I think it's more like she had got married and had Nicocchi and the others. She must've been pretty busy with all those kids. And then, you know, after everything that happened...”

Maki frowns.

“You know, with Nico's dad?”

Maki frowns harder.

“Oh,” Nozomi says. “She never mentioned it?”

“Mentioned what?”

“Those kids were probably too young to understand it, but I think it was really hard on Nicocchi and her Mama. She was only in middle school, you know. I think she must’ve worked pretty hard to keep that family smiling.”

“Did he... leave?”

Nozomi shakes her head.

“There was a car crash.”

“Oh. She never-”

“I wouldn't take it personally. I don’t think she talks about it much. I only know because I’ve spent the last four years prying bits of information from her and piecing it together where I can.”

Maki frowns down at her cup. She never noticed. She never noticed that Nico never once mentioned her father.

“Why are you telling me this?”

“A little insight, perhaps? Nicocchi’s family means so much to her. Don’t you think it’s possible that seeing her Mama so heartbroken might’ve had a lasting psychological impact? Might’ve maybe made her close herself off a little too much so she can never experience such tragic loss again?”

Maki watches Nozomi. She's _such_ a Psychology student sometimes.

“Do you do that to everyone?”

“No.” Nozomi’s eyes twinkle.

“Do me.”

“Maki! I have Elicchi!”

“You know that’s not what I meant!”

Maki waits until Nozomi’s stopped giggling before she speaks again.

“I had no idea. I... I never knew things had been so rough for her."

"She wouldn't want you to pity her."

"I know. But I don't think it's anything so complicated. She just… doesn’t want me. It's that simple. But I appreciate you trying to help me understand why she acts so weird sometimes.”

“Don’t tell her I told you, okay?”

“I won’t,” Maki says. “I know I wasn't exactly friendly at first, but I don’t want Nico to murder you.”

Nozomi smiles.

“You've changed a lot, Maki. It feels like only yesterday that you were scowling at me every time I looked in Elicchi’s direction…”

“I wasn’t _that_ bad…”

"Picking fights every Nicocchi glanced at you." 

"She started it!"

Nozomi looks thoughfully down at the city.

“I’m sorry," she says. "I'm sorry things didn't work out the way you wanted.”

“It’s fine. I don’t care. It’s really not a big deal.”

Maki takes a long sip of her coffee as a much needed distraction from how softly and knowingly Nozomi is staring at her.

“So, uh, how are you and Eli doing? All set with your plans for after graduation?”

Nozomi hesitates.

“We’re just working out the details.”

“Oh?” Maki says.

Nozomi down at her tea. Her smile is shy.

“Elicchi asked me to move in with her actually.”

“Oh, wow. That’s great.”

“It is! And I very much want to. It's just-”

“Just what?”

“Ah, no. Never mind. Nothing important.” 

“Hey,” Maki says. “If you’re going to make me talk, then you have to do it too. That's how friendship works."

"We're friends?" Nozomi asks. Her eyes are all big and sparkly.

Maki flushes.

“W-Why wouldn't we be? Though we won't be for much longer if you don't get to the point."

Nozomi looks down at her tea.

“It’s Nicocchi,” she says. “I've lived with her for years now, and I'm a little worried that it might be… ah, financially difficult for her if I move out?”

Maki freezes, her cup raised halfway to her mouth. She sets it back down without drinking from it.

“Huh? Won't she be living in hotels or a tour bus or something? Isn’t that her grand plan?”

Nozomi bites her lip.

“That is her plan, but she’s been wavering so much lately. It's like she can't make up her mind. She's normally so sure of herself but l - I can't get a clear reading on her at all lately." 

"So your cards are inconsistent? So what? That doesn't mean-"

"She mentioned it the other day. Staying in Tokyo."

“What? Why? Did she fail her audition or something?”

“She hasn't heard back yet. But she did think it went pretty well.”

“Then why? I don’t understand-” Maki clenches her fist. Her nails dig into her palm. “If she gets in, she has to go. Why - Why wouldn’t she go?”

“Maybe she found something worth staying for?”

Maki drags her fingers across her scalp. That can’t be it. It must be something else. There’s no way that she’d -

“You look troubled," Nozomi says. "I shouldn't have said anything."

“No. It's - it's not your fault.”

“Sorry if I-”

“No," Maki says. "Honestly. I'm just - I know how much it means to her? Geez, I never know what she’s thinking.”

“If it helps, I don’t think of any us do. She's kind of a mystery sometimes.”

“Yeah," Maki says. "Yes she is."

"Oh," Nozomi says, glancing at her phone. "I'm sorry, I should probably get going soon. I have this meeting with my professor and-"

"Say yes to Eli.” 

Nozomi blinks her big eyes.

“Nico will be fine. Whatever she decides, I’m sure it’ll work out. She’s tough. She’d want you to do what makes you happy. So don't be afraid to be a little selfish, okay?”

Nozomi smiles.

“You really have changed, you know.”

“D-Don’t make it weird,” Maki says, and she feels her cheeks get hotter. "I didn’t say anything special. I just happen to know that pretending you don't want something when you do never works out well."

Nozomi just looks at Maki softly. Maki drinks the lukewarm remains of her coffee.

“You'd better let me know what Eli says, okay? No chickening out.”

Nozomi takes a shaky breath and then she smiles.

“Okay!” she says. 

***

 

She's always the first to arrive. That's the first thing Maki thinks when she steps out of the front door of her apartment building into the dark and finds Nico waiting. Her second thought is more cynical - an unfair judgement, even. Maki wonders if Nico always arrives first so that she can always be the first to leave.

"Hi," Maki says.

Nico looks up.

"Hey," she says.

They stand frozen for a moment. Nico takes a step closer and Maki’s heart stutters in panic. They share a brief, awkward hug that’s all arms and distance.

"Thanks for agreeing to meet me."

“No," Maki says. "I'm glad you asked. I’ve been meaning to return all the stuff that you left here.”

She holds up the bag, filled with shirts and underwear and various bits of makeup that she collected from around her apartment. It wasn't an easy task, gathering it all together. She felt so angry - so upset - that she played despressing songs on her piano until her hand cramped up afterwards.

But it's been over a month since that night in the hotel. And it doesn't hurt quite so much anymore.

“I’ve got your stuff too,” Nico says.

Maki nods. She knows that the easiest and most painless way to do this would be to swap their bags over and say goodbye. But even after everything that’s happened, it’s hard to pick the sensible option with Nico standing right in front of her. 

“Wanna walk?” Maki asks.

Nico’s eyebrows raise in surprise.

“Yeah,” Nico says. “Let’s walk.”

There’s something weird about following that same route towards the park where this whole arrangement had started. It was only six months ago, and yet when Maki looks back she feels like she was so naïve back then. She’d gone along with such a weird idea so willingly. Something about Nico had blindsided the logical part of Maki's brain since the very first moment they met.

But she won’t make that mistake again. She’s accepted things. Moved on. She’s wearing her toughest black boots, and no one gets their heart crushed in boots like these.

They walk around the quiet park, following the illuminated footpaths through the trees. Maki's kind of surprised that it doesn't feel as awkward as she thought it would. There’s something weirdly calming about meeting in the moonlight. Something soothing about looking up and seeing the stars.

“So, how are the finals going?" Nico asks. "You’re working hard, right?”

“Of course,” Maki says. “Though I think the part where my parents call me and ask me for an excruciating rundown of what came up is worse than the actual tests.”

Nico laughs.

“I can’t imagine that. My Mama’s always just like, _let’s all go get ice cream when exams are over!_ ”

“That must be nice,” Maki says.

“Uh huh. We got some a few days ago actually. When Nico got accepted.”

“Accepted?” Maki stops walking, “You mean-”

“Yep,” Nico beams. “They were super impressed by Nico-nii’s talents. I’d totally have to work my way up from, like, ensemble extra number five but… Nico was offered a place to train with one of the best theatre companies in Japan!”

“That’s great, Nico. I’m… I'm really happy for you. When do you leave?”

Nico starts to walk again, a few steps ahead.

"Well. That's the complicated part."

Maki frowns. She follows Nico.

“What’s complicated about it?”

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me.”

“Just forget it.”

“ _Nico._ ”

“It's just a big decision, okay? There's all kinds of stuff to think about. Like, is this the best way to be discovered for my many talents and will I earn enough money to live off and will I miss my family too much and - if I stay in Tokyo then does that mean-" She turns back to look at Maki. "Does that mean-”     

"You have to go," Maki says. "There's no question about it. It's a great opportunity."

"But if I stay," Nico whispers. "Then maybe-"

"The playground," says Maki.

"Huh?"

"The one we went in before. It's over there."

She heads through the gate and takes a seat on a swing before Nico can respond. Nico sits down beside her. Her lips curl up into a smug smile.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Maki asks defensively.

“You’ve changed. Remember last time? You were all,  _oh, I’m far too cool for playgrounds._ ”

“I didn't say that!”

“Close enough.” Nico kicks her legs and she laughs. “I thought you were so annoying back then.”

Maki smiles.

“I thought you were worse.”

“I probably shouldn't have suggested this, huh? Should’ve just let it go after that first time but… I just kept thinking about you. I thought if we just did it one more time it’d probably be terrible and I’d, I dunno, get you out of my system or something?”

“This was always a terrible idea,” Maki says. She leans back. She looks at the stars. “But I don't regret it.”

When she looks back, Nico’s gazing at her.

“Neither do I,” she says.

Maki looks up and all she sees are stars. It feels like a familiar place to be - just her and Nico in the dead of night.

“Hey," Nico says softly. "Did you mean it? All that stuff you said before? Do you still-"

Maki's heart thrums. She looks down and kicks at the dirt with the toe of her boot.

"That stuff? Don't worry about it. Things just got a little intense with that whole weekend away. I guess I got caught up in the moment or something? It’s pretty common in these types of arrangements - to mistake sex and hormones for… something else. So don't worry. I'm not crying myself to sleep over you or anything. Whatever that was, I’ve moved on now. I’m over it.”

Nico stops dead still.

“Ah!" she says. “What a relief. I was just. Just checking. I didn't want there to be any. You know. Hard feelings or whatever.”

“Sure,” Maki says. “I underst-”

Maki hears Nico sniff. She turns her head and watches her wipe a wet smear from her cheek.

“Nico,” Maki says. “Are you-?”

“I’m n-not crying or anything,” Nico rubs at her cheeks as the tears come faster. She sniffs again and her face crumples up messily. She doesn’t cry cute. “It's just weird. This whole thing is so - it just totally feels like - like we’re breaking up.”

Maki smiles sadly.

“Idiot,” she says softly. “We can’t break up with we were never together.”

Nico sniffs loudly. She rubs at her eyes again and her makeup smudges.

“Oh! I have something for you!” Nico leans forward to rummage around in her bag. “It should be your size. It's not like a designer brand or anything but hopefully you'll like it? If you don't then you're clearly ungrateful and Nico will keep it.”

It's a short white skirt - plain but pretty. It's exactly her size. Maki takes it from Nico's hands and just stares. She doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

“You didn't have to-”

“I know! But I wanted to. It’s a good look. Though I probably wouldn’t wear it on any first dates. You never know how badly they're gonna turn out.”

“Thank you,” Maki whispers. She laughs. “I can’t believe you-”

She hugs the skirt close to her chest and bites her lip hard to when she feels her own eyes start to sting. She can’t cry over this. Not again. 

Maki takes a shaky breath. Nico laughs and rubs at her eyes with a tissue.

"You know, this is the weirdest walk I've ever taken," Nico says.

"You're the weirdest person I've met."

“You're the rudest." Nico smiles. "Walk me back?"

“Yeah,” Maki says.

They walk back through the long path lined with trees. Maki stuffs her hand in the pockets so she can’t play with her hair. She stuffs them in her pockets to stop herself from reaching out for Nico’s hand and asking all those questions she can't even let herself consider. She can't go there. She won't. She refuses.

They reach the end of the quiet street where they need to part ways. It’s eerily quiet. Nico's face is illuminated by the glow of the sign from the convenience store. Maki watches her lip wobble.

“This isn't goodbye forever, you know,” Maki says. “There's no need to make such a scary face.”

“It’s not that! It's just… cramps or – or, like, allergies or something?”

“You’d better work hard, okay? You haven’t come this far to give up. If anyone can make it work it's you. So stop hesitating. It's not like you. You can send me free tickets to one of your performances to thank me for the advice.”

"Well you can give Nico special treatment if I ever get sick to thank _me_ for all the advice," Nico says. "Work hard, but don't study until your brain melts!”

“I'll try not to."

"It's a good job spring's coming, huh? I won't need you to keep me warm anymore."

Maki takes a shaky breath and looks up at the stars again. When she looks back Nico steps towards her and she drags her in for a hug - a _real_ hug this time - a hug that makes Maki's whole body  _ache,_  because she forgot how much she missed feeling Nico’s warm breath on her neck.

It’s always been easier to be honest at night, but when she opens her mouth, she can’t say anything.

But she doesn't regret it.

She doesn't regret any of it.

“Take care of yourself, Nico,” Maki says softly.

Nico's arms tighten around her.

“Yeah,” Nico says. “See you around, Maki.”

 


	7. don't fall in love

**10\. Don't fall in love**

“You look great, Nico!”

“So cute!”

“Can we take a picture together?”

Nico’s dreamed of this day. It should be one of the happiest of her life. She's dressed in beautiful, expensive clothes. She’s never looked so cute. And all her adoring fans are calling out her name!

“Eli, get in too!”

“That colour looks so good on you!”

“Is it true that you used to be a model?”

Okay. So it's not exactly the red carpet. But Nico's rented hakama looks so pretty that even the classmates she’s barely spoken to over the years suddenly want to be her best friend. Everyone’s on a total high and why shouldn't they be? It’s their graduation day!

Nico poses for the photo. She can hardly believe that she made it. The odds were always kind of against her getting through college. She had questionable grades, a less than ideal financial situation.

But she made it.

_She made it._

The girls move on to take picture with their other classmates. Nico drags Nozomi and Eli in for a photo. She frames it perfectly - the cloudy blue sky and the cherry blossoms that are just beginning to bloom behind them. They look so good with their matching smiles and their colourful hakamas.

“We look so _cute!”_ Nico says.

Nozomi beams. “We sure do.”

Eli nods and her hair catches in the breeze and Nico can kind of see why those girls thought she was a model.

“Alisa’s over there,” Eli says. “But I'll come back and find you both later, okay?”

Nico watches at least three people try and stop Eli for photos as she makes her way towards her sister.

Nozomi chuckles.

“It’s a beautiful day, isn't it?” she says.

It’s not the warmest of days (it is March after all) but the sun is bright and shining. There are excited students and proud parents everywhere - all dressed up and bustling about looking happy.

Nico nods. “It’s perfect!”

“Then why don't you look happy?” Nozomi asks.

“I'm happy. Why wouldn't I be happy?” Nico shows her teeth and pushes their photo towards Nozomi's face. “ _Look_. So happy.”

Nozomi gives her that all-knowing smile.

“Really,” Nico insists. “I’m, like, so super pleased we made it! No more studying, no more papers-”

“No more leaving everything until the last minute and cramming until five in the morning?”

Nico hmphs.

“I seem to remember you joining me for a few of those desperate late night library sessions.”

“Purely out of moral support.” 

“ _Sure_ ,” Nico says. She looks down at her shoes. “...It’s gonna be weird, you know. Not seeing you every day.”

“I’m going to miss you too, Nicocchi.”

Nico feels her cheeks get warmer.

“Who said I’m gonna miss you? I can’t wait to live with someone whose bras don't take up the whole of the apartment. Like, save some drying space for us little people, you know.”

“Oh! I wonder if I still have that picture!”

Nico freezes. “What picture?”

“That night you wore my bras over your clothes and just walked around storing things in all that extra space-”

“That never happened!” Nico says.

Nozomi takes out her phone.

“It’s got to here somewhere...”

“Wait,” Nico says. “I believe you! Don't show that to anyone! _Please_.”

Nozomi laughs. She reaches out and pats Nico's head.

“I don’t think I could’ve made it through these last few years without you, Nicocchi.”

“Hey!" Nico smooths down her elegant hair. "Don't get all sentimental on me.”

Nozomi holds out her arms.

“If we can’t be sentimental today, then when can we?”

Nico makes a show of reluctance, but when she falls into the hug she holds on tight. She closes her eyes so they won’t sting with tears because it kind of hits her. Everything really is changing.

“You’d better stay in touch, okay?” Nico says sternly.

“Of course,” Nozomi says. “I’ll always be a phone call away.”

“Good,” Nico says into Nozomi’s shoulder. “I kind of rely on your advice, you know. Even if I don’t always listen...”

Nozomi leans back. Her eyes are soft.

“Do you want to talk about it?” she asks.

Nico shakes her head.

“There’s nothing to talk about. It’s over. So let’s focus on the good stuff!” She clasps her hand together with Nozomi’s and raises them both in the air. “We’re gonna conquer the world with our cuteness!”

“And you will come back and visit?”

“Of course,” Nico says. “As soon as you move into Eli’s place, I’m inviting myself over. Though we’ll have to watch out for the paparazzi. They're gonna be after me. I _am_ a professional actress now.”

Nozomi smiles.

“I really hope everything works out for you, Nicocchi.”

“It will. Do you know who I am? I’m-”

“Nico-Nico-nii!”

“Nico! Over here!”

Nico looks up and sees her family. She beams and waves. Nozomi looks around the courtyard.

“Go ahead,” Nozomi says. “I’ll wait here. I’m sure my family will be here soon. They’re just… uh, running a little late, I think...”

“Don’t be silly! Come on.”

Nico grabs Nozomi’s hand and drags her towards her family.

“Hey, you guys! You remember Nozomi, right?”

“It’s great to see you again,” Mama says.

“You both look so pretty,” Cocoro gasps.

“Will you do my hair like that later?” asks Cocoa.

“Graduation,” Cotarou says, snapping a photograph of them both with an old camera.

Nozomi laughs and bows politely.

“It’s a pleasure to see you all again,” she says.

Nico sweeps all her siblings up into a big hug.

“I’m so glad you're all here!” she says. “You all look so _cute._ Who wants to take a picture with me first?”

“Me!” shouts Cocoa.

“Wait,” Cocoro says, scanning the courtyard. “Is Maki here? Maybe she’d like to be in the picture too?”

“Maki’s not here,” Nico says. There's a chorus of disappointed sounds. “There’s no reason she would be. She’s younger than me. She’s not graduating today.”

All three of her siblings look glum.

“That’s such a shame,” says Cocoro.

“I miss her,” says Cocoa.

“My piano,” Cotarou says, looking especially devastated.

“But cheer up!” Nico chirps. “Because you know who is here…” she points as herself and beams.

Nico watches her mother lean closer to Nozomi.

“Hey,” she whispers, “Who’s Maki?”

“Mama!” Nico yells. “Come stand next to me in the photo!”

***

 

“I’m Yazawa Nico. I've always wanted to be an idol, but I've also always loved the theatre. I watched a musical that was put together by this very company when I was a kid, and I’ve never forgotten how it made me feel. I hope we can work hard together and make people all around Japan feel the same way. I'm so excited to be here. I look forward to working with you all!”

Nico bows. There's a murmur of approval and a whole bunch of smiles. Nico sits down and the girl to her right stands up and starts introducing herself to the circle.

Nico taps her foot against the leg of the plastic chair. Things are going great for her lately. Things couldn't be better, so she doesn’t know why she feels so _restless_. Her dreams are coming true right before her eyes. She’s earned her place in a theatre company that can literally kick start her career. Her next stop is taking on the world! There are so many important people in this room. They’ll train Nico up and teach her new skills. She’ll have the chance to meet new contacts, the chance to perform regularly and get paid for it. Of course, she’ll start in smaller roles with the other new members, but she’ll get the chance to work her way up to the top. It's finally Nico’s time to shine. She talked with Honoka and Kotori over video chat last night from her new teeny, tiny new room and they seemed so _impressed._

So why is she finding it so hard to focus? Come on, Nico. Listen to the pretty girl speak. She’s from Kagoshima. She starred in a gum commercial once and... Nico missed her name. Gum girl could be Nico’s new best friend, but Nico was too busy zoning out to even listen to her name.

This is the best opportunity Nico’s ever had. She’s thrilled to be here.

So why can’t she concentrate?

Why can’t she shake that lingering sense of discontent?

Why can’t she ignore that lonely feeling that gnaws at her stomach late at night when she back lies on her futon and allows herself to wonder - for the briefest of moments - what would’ve happened if she _tried_?

Nico tries not to think about all that stuff.

She’s never been one to look back and waste her time on regrets. She tells herself not to think about it.

But there are those moments when she can’t _not._

Like that time in March when a pretty girl wanders past wearing that same perfume that Maki always used to like.

Or in April, when it’s Maki’s birthday. (Nico sends her a message. Maki replies, _Thank you_.)

Or in May, when the internet kindly reminds her that it’s been exactly a year since she posted, “wow some people are so rude? worst date ever!!” (On her private account, of course. She’d never let her fans see something like _that_.)

It happens again and again, catching her off guard like a rough punch in the gut. It happens when there’s a gap in her schedule. In those quiet moments that Nico hates because her room just feels so _empty._

Nico’s used to her own company. She spent plenty of time by herself back in high school and she never felt particularly lonely. But now… now she always feels like something’s missing.

So she stays busy. If she doesn't stop, then there’s no time to think about it. It can't hurt if there’s no time to let it. If there's no time for those quiet moments where Nico thinks about how she could be calling Maki up right now if they were still speaking regularly. Those nights where she's kind of overwhelmed by how much she wants to talk to Maki. How much she wants to ask her boring stuff about her day - like what she ate for dinner and what she studied in class - just to hear how nice her voice sounds.

Nico wonders if her hair has grown.

She wonders if she’s happy.

She wonders why it never occurred to her before, that she could’ve had both. That Maki was right. She could’ve made time for it if she’d tried.

Nico tries not to feel sad about it. After all, no one ever got anywhere feeling sorry for themselves!

If Maki's moved on, then Nico will accept it. If she’s happy, then that's enough for Nico. Then Nico will be happy too.

Nico knows this feeling will fade with time.

 _Time heals all wounds_. That’s what they used to say when Nico was young. All those teachers that looked down at her with sympathetic eyes. Those distant relatives that whispered about what a tragedy it was behind her back and pasted on big smiles to Nico’s face. That’s what they used to say.

Nico knows that someday she’ll stop replaying it in her mind. Someday she’ll stop thinking about all the things she could’ve done differently.

Someday - when Nico’s successful and famous and universally adored - she’ll look back and she’ll know she did the right thing. There’ll be a chapter about Maki in the memoir of Nico’s life. The specific details will be omitted (got to keep things family friendly!) but she'll be there.

Maybe she’ll read it one day, sitting by the fireplace in her mansion while her painfully boring husband sits beside her reading the paper. She’ll read it and she’ll know how much it meant to Nico. Maybe she’ll even think about Nico and smile.

 _Time heals all wounds_ , so Nico will wait.

She just has to give it time.

***

 

“Hold on!” Nico projects her voice. It echoes around the drama studio. “ _Please._ The ambulance will be here soon!”

The boy laying in her arms splutters and shudders.

“Mizuki,” he whispers. “I-”

Nico shushes him.

“Don't speak,” she says. “You don’t have to say anything. Just stay with me. Please. Just - just hold on a little longer.”

Warm fingers clasp tight around Nico’s small hand.

“I love you,” the boy says. “I-I should’ve… said something sooner...”

“I know,” Nico whispers. “I've _always_ known.”

“How?” he asks. “How did you-”

Nico smiles. “You were kind of obvious, you know.”

“I - I didn't know-"

“But I did,” Nico says. “And I should've said something. These last few months with you... they meant the _world_ to me. Every day, every single moment we spent together. It made me so happy.”

Nico strokes his cheek, and he’s not some brown haired boy in an improvised scene in her acting class. She sees red hair. Soft skin. Sharp amethyst eyes. She sees the beautiful, talented, impossibly stubborn, impossibly sweet girl that she let go.

But she’s not letting go now. Nico grips his hand so tight that her knuckles turn white.

“I’m sorry I never told you,” she says. “I messed up. I kept trying to pretend I didn’t care when I should’ve just been honest. I don’t know why it always seemed so hard. I guess we didn’t exactly get along at first. You were kind of a pain, you know.” Nico laughs. Her voice cracks. “I was so _scared_. But I'm not anymore. I'm not afraid to tell you that I-”

The boy coughs dramatically. He grasps at Nico’s shirt and then his body goes limp.

“No,” Nico whispers. She looks around frantically. “No, no, please! Someone help! Help!”

Her screams echo through the room. The boy lies still. Nico leans over him and sobs.

It’s only when Nico hears the sound of applause that she remembers there are other people in the room. Her face feels wet. She touches it. _Oh._ Real tears.

The boy gives her a thumbs up and gets up off the floor.

The workshop leader gets up out of her plastic chair.

“And _that’s_ how you improvise a scene. Wonderful work, you two. Powerful stuff.” She claps her hands together. “Right. Let's break for lunch. We'll meet back here at one thirty.”

There’s a murmur of chatter and a bustle of people moving from the studio.

Nico rubs her cheek with the sleeve of her shirt. She should feel relieved that people seemed impressed by her performance, but her chest _aches_. Her eyes are still blurred with tears. She doesn't know how to stop. She jumps as she feels a heavy hand on her shoulder.

“Great job,” the boy says, dusting himself off. “I can’t believe you came up with all that out of nowhere. Like, you really got Mizuki down, you know. Are you hungry? Wanna grab some lunch? I know this great takoyaki place-”

Nico smiles tightly. She wonders how oblivious you have to be to try and ask a girl who’s openly weeping out on a lunch date.

“Sorry! Nico’s kinda… busy right now. But thanks. For the offer. I have to-”

She points towards the door.

The boy nods, bewildered.

Nico rushes across the shiny studio floor, so fast that she almost trips. She knows people are staring at her, but she tries to style it out. They’re probably just staring because she’s a really good actress. A _really_ good actress who got really worked up over an improvised scene based on a couple of words on a small piece of paper. It wasn’t even a real performance. She can’t believe she actually _cried_. A well-trained idol should never show their weaknesses - only their strengths and positivity!

Nico’s heart sinks when she spots a group of girls she chats to sometimes lounging around by the nearest exit. They’re nice and everything, but she’s not exactly in the mood to talk right now.

“Hey, great job Nico.”

“Nailed it!”

“Totally! Oh - do you need a tissue?”

Nico nods and graciously accepts it. She dries her damp eyes and takes a deep breath. 

“Hey... are you okay?”

“I'm fine!” Nico says. The three girls look unconvinced. “I just got, like, weirdly into that scene and I always get bad allergies at this time of year and, you know,” Nico lowers her voice, “PMS.”

All three of the girls make a soft, united noise of understanding.

“I better go but uh. I’ll see you after lunch!”

Nico rushes out through the heavy doors before they can respond and heads towards the bathroom. She keeps her head down because she can’t let anyone else see her right now. This is the kind of thing the paparazzi will eat right up when she makes it big.

The door swings closed behind her. Nico looks at herself in the mirror and it’s just as bad as she expected.

She looks terrible - all pale and sniffly. Her skin looks blotchy. Her hair has gone droopy. One of her ribbons has unravelled.

She splashes cold water on her face. It’s not like she can make her makeup worse. It’s already ruined. She just needs a minute to compose herself. Just a minute and then she’ll stroll back out and grab some lunch and forget about this whole thing. What does she even have to cry about? Her life is great, isn't it?

Nico’s stomach lurches and her eyes start to sting again. Maybe it really is PMS. That must be it. This must be her hormones going crazy. She grips onto the cold porcelain sink and drops her head down so she doesn’t have to look at herself. Her shoulders start to shake.

This isn’t like Nico.

She’s a professional. So why is she so worked up over one little scene at an acting skills workshop?

She's had plenty of time to move past all that stuff. Nico hasn’t cried about it since that night in the park, back when spring was just beginning. Now it’s June. So much time has passed and yet for some reason her stupid tears won't stop.

It’s like all those feeling she shoved down have finally forced their way to the surface. Like all that regret she never let herself feel just dropped in out of nowhere and knocked all the air from her lungs and it _hurts_. It hurts _so much._

When Nico said all that stuff on the balcony of their hotel room, she felt certain she was right. She was being practical. Harsh, but realistic. She was sure she’d made the right decision.

But then she felt less sure.

And less sure.

And less sure.

The guilt stuck around like a bad taste in her mouth. Nico couldn’t shake that sense of unease, that feeling that she’d messed up her most crucial line on opening night. She never quite bounced back after that, no matter how well the rest of her performance went.

Maki gave her the chance to put things right. Maki gave her more chances than she deserved - to apologise, to be honest, to stop being selfish - and how did Nico repay her? By confusing her. By kissing in a bathroom when she really, _really_ shouldn't have. By laughing it off like it was all a big joke and… god, she’d even asked Maki if she wanted to start up all that friends with benefits stuff again. She acted like _such_ an insensitive jerk.

She just kept pushing and pushing and then pulling back at the exact moment when things got too real - the same way she always has - because Nico wasn't brave enough.

She was never brave enough when it came to Maki.

And then Nico worked it out at exactly the wrong moment. She finally worked it out when it was too late.

She loves Maki. Hopelessly and desperately. She loves Maki so much that it still makes her _ache_. She loves her smile and her voice, her arrogance, her confidence. She loves the mole on her back and how messy her hair looks first thing in the morning. She loves that stupid face she makes when she concentrates. She loves how smart she is. Her passion for music. She loves her. _Nico loves her_.

And if Maki asked her again, she’d be honest in a heartbeat. She’d take her hand and look at her stupid, gorgeous face and say, _I'm all in. I want this_.

Nico's so completely smitten it's embarrassing. She's every single cliché about not knowing what you have until it's gone.

And she's also the biggest idiot in the entire universe.

Because Maki won’t ask her again.

It’s been months, but Nico still remembers the way she said it: _I’ve moved on. I'm over it._

Nico almost told her. Under the stars in that same park - in that same spot where she started something crazy - Nico almost said something.

But she pulled back. And that time, it wasn’t just because that's what she does best.

She pulled back because that's what Maki wanted.

And Nico’s done being selfish. She's done taking and not giving back. She’s done making Maki cry. 

Nico knew all along that she’s not what Maki needs. She’s not some handsome young doctor’s son who can give her status and stupidly attractive children. She’s not the kind of person Maki can take home for fancy dinners with her fancy parents. She can't join them for discussions about smart stuff like the decline of the economy and new breakthroughs in medical care.

It’s not easy to admit, but if she thinks about it - _really_ thinks about it - then maybe that's what scared Nico the most.

The certainty that there was no way that it could ever last.

And not just because they got off to a bad start. Not just because of the fights and all the sex stuff and the stupid, stupid spaghetti.

Because of Nico. Because she didn’t know how to be _enough_ for someone like Maki.

What does she have to offer to someone who already has everything?

What could she give back to someone who could whisk her off to the fanciest hotel on the planet without thinking twice about it?

What can she offer someone like that, when Nico’s idea of living it large is a limited edition idol DVD and a couple of homemade cocktails?

So Nico said all that dumb stuff about how she’d rather be friends. And now, they're more distant than they ever have been. Now, Nico can’t remember the last time they even spoke to each other properly. And maybe that's what hurts the most.

Nico knows she can’t go back and change what happened. But she can finally accept that she fucked up. _Badly._

She's never really cried about it before. She's never allowed herself that release.

But now. Now she can’t stop.

She just hopes that deep down, some part of Maki knows the truth. That it was all real. _All of it._

Nico takes a shaky breath and jabs the mirror with her finger.

“Pull yourself together,” she hisses. “You're the number one idol in the universe. You might’ve blown that but don't blow _this_ -”

The door to the bathroom swings open. Nico jumps and turns towards it.

“Nico? Are... you okay?”

Nico almost faints. Of all the people who could walk in and see her like this, it just had to be the artistic director!  It’s not that she’s not nice. She’s one of the most approachable people in the company with her kind blue eyes and her round glasses and her amusing fondness for thick cardigans, even in the summer. And she’s not one for formalities either - she always insists on being called Nanako, even by company juniors like Nico. But she’s also the kind of person who you need to impress. And she just found Nico crying. _In a bathroom._ Nico bows low and rubs the tears from her face.

“Ahhh, I'm sorry, don’t mind me, I’m just, uh-”

Nico stands up straight and then she bows again. There’s no possible way she can explain herself.

“You were really into that scene, huh?”

Nico bounces back up and beams.

“Oh, you know how it is! Acting and all that!”

Nanako smiles and steps closer.

“It was a very believable performance,” Nanako says. “It’s one of the things I always remember from your audition, you know. I thought this is a girl that puts her whole heart into things.”

“Wow,” Nico says, “I’m - I’m so happy to hear that?”

Nico’s nose is running. Her face is a mess. She can’t believe she’s having this conversation _now_.

“There's no need to be embarrassed if you’re feeling a little emotional. If you’re able to get so swept away by the feelings of a character, then I’d say you’re doing things right. But if there's something bothering you. Something we can do better to make sure you’re happy here-”

“Oh, no,” Nico says. “Not at all! I’m really happy here. I'm so thankful for the opportunity-”

“So it’s something else, huh?” Nanako looks thoughtful. “You’re a Tokyo girl, aren’t you? Are you getting back over there enough to see your family?”

Nico looks down at her shoes.

“Not so much... but we video chat a lot! I do miss them, but I'm so, so happy to be here-”

“Why don't you go see them?” Nanako says. “Take the weekend off. Go clear your head for a few days.”

“Oh, no,” Nico says. “I couldn’t-”

“I insist.”

“But the workshop-”

Nanako dismisses that thought with her hand.

“Don’t worry about the workshop. We’ve already seen what you can do. There's this little project I’d like to tell you about, actually. After seeing you today, I think you’d be a pretty good fit.”

“Oh,” Nico says. “W-What kind of project?”

“Drop by my office and Monday and we’ll discuss the details. For now, I need you to take a break. It’s okay to cry. It’s a valuable skill, to be able to tap into such a wide range of emotions. But you need to learn to turn it off too. Imagine if this were a real performance. If you had a scene coming up right after that one-”

Nico bows her head.

“I know,” she says. “I’m really sorry. I promise from now on I’ll work so hard-”

Nanako smiles.

“I don’t doubt that. Right now, I just need you to take it easy for a few days. But I’ll see you Monday?”

Nico nods.

“I’ll be there. You can count on me!”

“Good,” says Nanako. She holds out a handkerchief and smiles kindly. “Now get yourself to the train station.”

***

 

When Nico arrives at her family’s apartment, it’s already dark. And she’s soaked. She didn’t think to bring an umbrella. It was hot and humid when she stepped onto the train, but Tokyo had to go and throw a summer storm her way. It feels like a punishment for just carelessly throwing a phone charger, clean underwear, a toothbrush and a couple of sundresses into her overnight bag. She power-walked the short distance between the subway station and her family’s place as fast as her little legs would carry her. Now she can feel water dripping down her (mostly non-existent) cleavage. She really should be more prepared for the rainy season.

Nico’s both exhausted and excited when she presses the buzzer. Her mother opens the door already dressed for bed. Her eyebrows shoot up in surprise.

“Nico? What are you doing here?”

Her mother sweeps her up into a hug. Nico buries her nose into her shoulder and clings on like she’s a little kid.

“Sorry to drop by without warning. I know I should’ve called. I just… I unexpectedly got some time off and I thought why not drop by!”

Nico forces a smile. Her mother doesn't quite look convinced by it.

Nico feels like a soda can that’s all shaken up. Like she might burst over again at any moment. Like all those feelings might come flooding out again in the entranceway to her family home.

And she’d rather avoid that if she’s honest.

“It's great to see you,” says Mama. “I’m just… well, I really am surprised! Come on in, I’ll go get you a towel. Oh, but be quiet. The others are already asleep.”

They walk into the living room and close the door behind them.

“They're such good kids,” Nico says. “When I was Cocoro’s age I used to stay up so late looking up-” She covers her hand with her mouth. “Ignore that. Nico was a perfect angel who used to go to sleep exactly when her Mama said!”

" _Of course_ you did,” Mama says. “Hey, do you want a hot chocolate?”

Nico nods so hard she almost hurts her neck. There’s nothing in the world she wants more right now. She snuggles up on the couch under a blanket they've had since she was young. It’s scratchy against her bare legs but nothing else could feel more like home.

Nico closes her eyes until her mother drops down next to her and places two mugs down on the table.

“So, not that it's not wonderful to see you, but it’s a little… unexpected for you to drop by this late. Is everything okay?” Her mother's face is serious. “Are they not treating you well out there?

“Oh, no, things are going great. I just-” Nico takes a breath. “I missed you guys, that’s all.”

Her mother ruffles her hair like she’s a little kid.

“We missed you too, Nico.”

Nico smiles.

“Hey,” she says. “Wanna watch some crappy TV?”

“Why don’t you tell me what's wrong first?”

Nico freezes.

“Ah. There's nothing _wrong._ ”

Her mother just looks at her.

“I know a sad Nico when I see one. So what is it? Are they being mean? Is someone jealous of you? Do you need me to go down there and sort things out?”

Her mother clenches her fists with the determined look of the kind of parent that teachers are terrified of. Nico shakes her head.

“No. _Really_. It's nothing like that.”

“Then what's going on?” Mama wraps an arm around Nico’s shoulder and squeezes. “Talk to me, kid.”

Nico just sits for a moment, not meeting her mother’s eyes. She leans forward and takes a sip of her hot chocolate. It’s thick and delicious, but it burns her tongue. She puts it down again and leans back against the sofa.

“There’s not much to say,” Nico says. “Things are going really well. We’re still doing a lot of newbie workshops, but this really nice director wants to meet with me on Monday about some mysterious project, so that’s pretty exciting, I guess?”

Mama grins and strikes Nico’s favourite pose.

“I wouldn’t expect anything less from my Nico-Nico-nii!”

Nico smiles, but she doesn’t _feel_ it.

“Everything’s great. Like really great. So I don’t know why. Why I feel like-”

Nico’s voice trembles.

Mama’s smile is replaced with a look of pure motherly concern. She asks what’s wrong again, but she doesn't push. She waits until Nico’s ready to talk.

“Do you ever feel like…” Nico’s voice sounds so small. “Like you missed your chance with something? Like, you looked something _seriously_ amazing right in the eyes and then it just passed you by because… because you weren't brave enough to grab it when it was right there in front of you.”

Mama looks at her curiously.

“You've never been one to shy away from anything you want.”

Nico slumps over glumly.

“But I _did._ I’m a fake,” she says. “I don’t deserve my Nico-Niis.”

Her Mama laughs. “You’re not a fake.”

“I am!” Nico insists. “There was something I wanted. Like _really_ wanted. And I didn't just not go for it. I completely f-” Nico catches herself _. Language_. “I completely messed it up, Mama.”

“Was it a girl?” Mama asks.

Nico nods reluctantly.

“Is she cute?”

Nico nods harder.

Her mother’s eyes light up.

“Can I see a picture?” she asks.

“No. No _way_.”

“Why not?”

“Because! It's weird! I haven’t seen her since before I graduated. It’s not like I just have a picture lying around or something…”

“Yazawa Nico,” Mama says, in her strictest voice. “I brought you into this world. I gave you _life_. And you won't even show me one little picture of a girl that's special to you?”

She presses a hand to her chest and her face softens into a perfect pout. Nico sighs. She hates it when her own moves are used against her.

“Okay, _fine._ Geez. I’ll find you a photo.”

Nico scrolls back through her phone gallery. She hasn't deleted any of the photos... but she hasn't exactly looked at them either. Her Mama leans closer and Nico angles her phone away.

“Wait,” she says.

She whizzes past all those idol pictures and cutesy selfies she has saved until a vibrant burst of red takes over her gallery. There are so many photos. How could she take so many and pretend she didn't care? Nico taps on one of the most recent ones. A photo from the night of that party in Kyoto. It kind of hurts to look at. They both look so pretty. So _happy._

Nico’s such an idiot.

“There,” Nico grumbles.

“Whoa!” Mama says. “She _is_ cute. What's her name?”

“...Nishikino,” Nico mumbles. “Maki.”

“ _Maki_ ,” her Mama echoes fondly. “She went to your university?” Nico nods. “Did she graduate too?”

“Nope. She’s still in school. She’s younger than me. Studying to be a doctor.”

“Wow,” Her mother says. “Smart and pretty…. So what’s the problem? Does she like boys?”

Nico snorts.

“Not as far as I can tell.”

“Then was it because you moved away?”

“No. Well... kind of? _Ugh_.”

Nico groans. Mama raises an eyebrow.

“Did you have a fight?”

Nico shakes her head.

“It was my fault,” Nico says. “It was all my fault. She’s _wonderful_  and she wanted to be with me but every time we got too close I'd just... push her away? I don't even know why. It was like - like an instinctive reaction or something? I just kept saying the wrong things. I just got... scared.”

Nico looks down at the floor. It’s so humiliating, saying something like that out loud. She really, really hates it.

“I can't imagine you being scared of anything,” her mother says.

Nico grimaces.

“ _Honestly._ My little girl who tried to sneak onto a stage and sing to hundreds of people when she was only three.”

Nico snorts. She’s too young to remember the details, but her mother’s told that story so many times that she can picture it exactly.

“I still think they should’ve let me up there. I just wanted to show off my Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes routine.”

Mama laughs.

“It’s a shame security didn’t see it that way. I still remember them telling me off.”

“They were meanies,” Nico grumbles.

"It’s one of the many, many things I love that about you, Nico. Nothing ever gets in your way.”

“Except security guards,” Nico says.

“Except security guards,” Mama says. “But I think you could’ve got through if you _really_ wanted to.”

Nico laughs. Her mama’s eyes are so warm.

“So, come on,” she says. “Tell me. What’s so scary?”

“That’s the thing,” Nico says. “I don’t know? I mean, I guess… things not working out? That I’d mess things up. That she’d get hurt. That _I’d_ get hurt...”

Her mother hums thoughtfully.

“But even if things don’t work out the way you wanted, you’re strong enough to handle that. I’ve seen you smile through much worse, you know.”

“I know,” Nico says. “Like, _really_ , I know how stupid it sounds. It's just like… I don’t know. She’s basically perfect. And I’m-”

“The number one idol in the universe? The cutest, sweetest, kindest girl the world has ever seen?”

Nico wants to roll her eyes, but she feels herself smiling. It doesn't last long though. Her eyes stray over to the family photograph on the wall. She has to take a shaky breath to push back all the feelings that stir in her chest.

“I guess-” Nico says, “I guess I know how crappy it feels when someone you love goes away.”

“So it’s easier if you leave first?”

Nico grimaces. _Bingo._

Her mother reaches out and squeezes her shoulder.

“Nothing lasts forever,” Mama says. “Sometimes good things end. But you’ll always have those precious memories afterwards. If you can find a little bit of happiness in this world then you should hold onto it. _Treasure_ it.”

“I _want_ to,” Nico says. “It just always feels like… like my heart goes _wow!_ but then my brain goes _whoa there!_ and then before you know it, someone I really care about ends up thinking I don’t care? Isn’t that so messed up?" She shakes her head. "What’s _wrong_ with me?”

“There’s nothing wrong with you, Nico. Even the bravest people get scared sometimes. But you know what makes them brave? They don’t let that fear stop them.”

“That's such a mom thing to say,” says Nico.

Her mother smiles.

“That doesn't mean it's not true.” 

Nico takes a shaky breath. She reaches for her hot chocolate.

“Geez, I wish I’d asked for your wise motherly wisdom months ago when I actually had the chance to do something about it. It’s way too late now. Kinda sucks, huh?”

Mama hums.

“Did I ever tell you that I turned your daddy down the first time he confessed?”

Nico sits up straighter. “No?”

“Well, I did.”

“What? Why?”

“I was surprised! We’d been classmates all through high school, but I never once thought he liked me. He was such a nice boy. Back then I only was into cool boys that rode motorcycles.”

Nico snorts.

“You probably shouldn’t admit that. That's way too embarrassing.”

Mama nudges her sideways and Nico squawks and almost spills her drink.

“Anyway, he completely ignored me for the rest of our third year, and I got increasingly annoyed because I thought he liked me! Was he just going to back down and give up so easily?”

“So... what happened?” Nico asks.

“It was our graduation day. I’d had enough. I marched right over to him and said, well, aren’t you going to ask me again? And he did and I said yes that time and, well.” She smiles. “You know the rest.”

“Huh,” Nico says. “You’ve never told me that before.”

“It doesn’t exactly make me look great.” Mama winks.

Nico looks at the family portrait again. Cotarou has the expression of a small, startled baby, but the rest of them have big, matching smiles. Her father always smiled so big. There’s a smaller picture, just to the left of it - one that her Mama took. Nico’s sitting on Papa’s shoulders. She always felt so tall from up there.

Mama follows Nico's gaze to the photograph.

“I miss him too, you know,” her mother says. “I miss him every day. But I'm so glad we have all those memories. Those happy days together, our wonderful little family... ” She ruffles Nico’s hair. “I’d choose him every time, you know. Even knowing how much I’ll miss him when he’s gone. I’ll always treasure those days we spent together.”

Nico’s eyes sting with tears. She doesn’t often let herself dwell on this stuff. She doesn’t feel like it does her any good to sit around feeling sad about it. But hearing her mama say it, it seems kind of obvious. She feels the same. She wouldn’t trade those memories for _anything._

“Hey,” Nico says. “Can we take him some flowers tomorrow?”

“That’s a wonderful idea,” says her mother. “Let’s all go pick some out in the morning.”

Nico puts down her mug and leans her head against her mother’s shoulder.

“Thanks for listening, Mama.”

“Anytime,” her mother says. “You don’t have to keep everything inside, you know. Talk to me. And be sure to let me know what Maki says when you talk to her.”

Nico jerks forward and turns to stare at her mother.

“When I _what now_?” Nico frowns in confusion. “Didn’t you hear me? I totally blew it.”

“Is she mad at you?”

“Mad, uninterested, offended by Nico’s general existence…”

“Make her smile,” Mama says.

“Make her smile?” Nico says flatly.

“If she’s mad at you then make her smile and see where it goes from there.”

“Make her smile,” Nico repeats incredulously.

Like anything’s ever that simple.

Nico bites her lip.

Her mother gives her a thumbs up.

Nico leans back against the sofa.

_Make her smile._

***

 

“It’s not that I'm not happy to see you, Nicocchi. Because I really am very glad you dropped by. But… are you planning on doing that all evening?”

Nico stops groaning. It takes a lot of effort to raise her head up from Nozomi’s new couch. She has to pull herself together. She can’t let Eli come home from work and find Nico lying on their couch doing her best impression of an injured baby elephant _and_ interrupting couples hot yoga night. (The less Nico knows about that one, the better.)

Nico succeeds at shifting into an upright position. She smoothes the wrinkles out of her dress. She’s cool. She’s composed. She’s got this.

“Okay,” Nico says, “I'm all good now. Tell me more about your new job.”

Nozomi smiles.

“Tell me more about how you've finally worked out your feelings several months too late.”

Nico flings herself sideways onto the sofa and groans again.

“It’s not that bad,” Nozomi says. “Let's do a quick reading, shall we?”

“No,” Nico says. “Even your cards will laugh at me.”

Nico flips onto her stomach and pushes her face into a fluffy cushion.

This isn't what she hoped her first visit to Nozomi and Eli’s brand new home would be like. It's such a nice place - a cosy ground floor apartment filled with cute furniture. They even have sliding glass doors that lead out to an adorable little garden with pretty flowers and solar powered fairy lights.

Nico feels bad for bringing down the idyllic lesbian vibe they’ve carefully created. She usually brings joy to the universe, but right now she feels like a dark cloud that's blocking out the sun.

She had a great day with her family. It lifted her spirits – really, it did. And then Nico messaged Nozomi that she was in the area because it seemed rude not to and Nozomi invited her right over and Nico turned up on their doorstep with her little overnight bag to find that the guest room ( _so_ grown up) had been set up all ready for her.

Nico was hoping for a fun evening where they could all drink and hang out like they used to do. She wasn't counting Nozomi taking one look at her and immediately asking what was wrong. Before she knew it, Nico found herself telling Nozomi everything. She even ended up lying on her couch like she’s paying by the hour at a therapy session.

“So let's summarise, shall we?” Nozomi says, shuffling her cards effortlessly. “You didn't want to pursue a relationship with Maki. That’s why you rejected her romantic advances. But now you are interested. Or… you were all along, and you were just… very, very bad at expressing it? But now you’re finally ready to move past all that stuff that was holding you back, you think Maki’s moved on?”

Nico sighs into the fluffy cushion.

“She has,” Nico says. Her voice is muffled. “She got over me months ago. And let’s be honest, who can blame her?”

“Hmm,” says Nozomi.

Nico turns her head so she can frown at Nozomi.

“What do you mean _hmm_?”

“Oh, nothing. I’m sure she meant it. Being dishonest to save face doesn't sound one bit like Maki.”

It's hard to glare with one of her cheeks smushed into the sofa, but Nico's pretty sure she pulls it off anyway.

“Even if she wasn’t before - which she was, by the way – then she definitely is now. It's been, like, forever.”

“You're right,” Nozomi says, shaking her head. “Better just give up then.”

“Nico never just _gives up_. I-”

Nico freezes when she hears the sound of keys in the door. She sits up straight and puts the cushion back where she found it.

“Nozomi,” Eli calls out. “Why weren’t you at yog- _oh_! Hi Nico!”

Nico waves and she feels a little guilty. She seems to have picked up a bad habit of dropping in on people unexpectedly.

“Hi!” Nico says. “Sorry, I just kinda dropped by. I was in the area. But if I’m in the way-”

“No,” Eli says. “It’s great to see you. How are you?”

“Good,” Nico says, though she doesn’t sound all that convincing. “I’m good. And you?”

Eli leans in the doorway and smiles. She totally looks like a sportswear model in her yoga pants and crop top.

“Good,” she says.

“I’m sorry about yoga,” Nozomi says. “I did send you a message. There was,” she looks at Nico, “A bit of an emergency.”

“Oh.” Eli looks worried. “Is everything okay?”

“It’s fine,” Nico says, “Emergency is a little dramatic. I just-” she looks at Eli again. “Wait, hold up, it’s an actual yoga class?”

“Why wouldn't it be?” Eli frowns.

“The way Nozomi said it made it sound like-”

“Like what?” Eli asks slowly.

“I kinda thought it was some weird sex thing?” Nico says.

“It’s a regular fitness class,” says Eli.

“ _Technically_ ,” Nozomi says. “But it’s amazing, the things you can achieve if you're flexible enough-”

Nico covers her ears with her hands.

“Forget I asked!” she says.

“So,” Eli says, and her cheeks are flushed pink, “Is anyone going to fill me in on this big emergency?”

Nico looks at Nozomi.

Nozomi looks at Nico. She _points_ at Nico.

“Guess who's finally being honest with their feelings.”

Eli arches a single eyebrow. Nico shrinks back into the sofa.

“Ah,” Eli says. She turns and walks out of the room.

“Elicchi?” Nozomi calls out.

Eli returns with a clear drink in her hand. It must be water, right? There’s no way she's driven Eli to knocking back that much vodka, right?

“Emergency meeting,” Eli says. “Take a seat. Both of you.”

***

 

Eli can be so scary sometimes. Nico feels like she declaring her intentions to Maki’s father as she fills her in on the details. (The details being: Nico’s an idiot.) Eli’s face is all stoic and unreadable. She looks thoughtful, but scary. Did Nico mention scary?

“And Mama thinks I should tell her… but that's crazy, right?” Nico’s voice is high and shrill. “Isn't that _totally_ crazy?”

“I think,” Eli says, “That we should write a list.”

“A list?” Nozomi repeats.

“Pros and cons,” Eli says. “For and against telling Maki.”

“Maki's the love of her life,” says Nozomi. “ _Of course_ she should tell her.”

“Isn't it a little late for all that?” Eli says. “When they’ve finally moved past all that… whatever that was?”

They both look at Nico expectantly.

Nico shifts in her seat.

“Maki would write a list,” she mutters.

Eli reaches for a notepad and Nozomi catches her hand.

“We don't need a list. The right path is _obvious_.”

“Is it?” Nico asks. “I mean, think about it.” Nico’s voice is a strangled squeak. “ _Is it_?”

“Imagine if you don’t try,” Nozomi says. “Ten years from now, you’ll be singing a sad song about your long lost love. Maki will show up at your concert. She’ll meet you backstage.  _T_ _hat song,_ ” Nozomi lowers her voice. Her Maki impression isn't all that great. “ _It's about me, isn't it?_ ”

Eli locks her gaze on Nozomi. Her eyes get bigger and her mouth goes all pouty.

“ _How did you know_?” Eli’s voice is higher pitched. Offensively so.

“Is that supposed to be me?” Nico asks. “Because-”

“ _It was the name_ ,” Nozomi says, twisting at her hair. “ _Spaghetti sweetheart._ ”

“There is no way,” Nico says, “That I would ever name a song that.”

“ _I didn’t think you’d notice_ ,” Eli says. Her teeth worry over her bottom lip. “ _B_ _ut you're right. It is about you_.”

“ _I_ _f that’s how you felt, why didn’t you say something_?” Nozomi crosses her arms tightly. “ _I don't get it at all_ _!_ ”

“ _Nico was scared_ ,” Eli says, pressing her hand against her chest. “ _But I waited for you. All this time. Let’s be together, Maki_.”

Nozomi shakes her head.

“ _I’m married, Nico_ ,” she says. “ _I_ _’m only here to get my wife an autograph. I always tell her it’s not real music, but she’s a big fan for some reason_ -”

“That’s enough!” Nico says. “I get it. I do. But how can I say something now? It wouldn’t be fair to bring it all up again. Not when she’s probably way happier without me.”

“Do you really believe that?” Nozomi asks. “Or are you just running away again?”

The temptation to throw a chirpy Nico Nico-Nii in Nozomi's direction is almost overpowering. But when Nozomi looks at her, Nico knows she has to be honest. Why did Nico have the poor sense to make such emotionally intuitive friends?

Nico turns to Eli.

“Talk me out of it,” she says desperately. “Tell me I'm being stupid.”

“I _want_ to,” Eli says. “I want to tell you it’s a terrible idea. You really hurt her, you know. Not to mention that you’re both as stubborn as each other. But…I don't think it's my place to stop you from trying. You’ve had a healthy amount of distance from it all now. Maybe talking about it will help. And even if she rejects you and it all goes wrong-”

“Which she might do,” Nozomi says, helpfully.

“At least then you can move on. At least then you'll know you've _tried._ ”

Nico’s bites her lip.

“Supposing you’re right,” she says. “What do you suggest I do?”

Nozomi smiles and sits up straighter. She holds her phone out towards Nico.

“Call her up and tell her.”

“ _Now_?” Nico squeaks.

Nozomi nods.

Nico shakes her head furiously. She’s not ready. She doesn’t know what to say. What if Maki wants to meet up? Nico looks like crap. Her hair’s kind of frizzy from the humidity. Her breath comes out harsher. There’s absolutely no way she can -

Eli puts a hand on Nico’s arm.

“Too soon?” she asks.

Nico presses her hand over her pounding heart and takes a few deep breaths.

“Too soon,” she says.

“Maybe you could write her a letter,” Eli suggests.

Nico scoffs. “It’s not the 1800s, Eli.”

“She might like it,” Nozomi says.

Nico shakes her head.

“Face to face would be better.”

Then there’s no chance she’ll ignore Nico. Then she’ll _have_ to reply.

Nozomi hums thoughtfully.

“So here’s what you do then,” Nozomi says. “You have a long hard think about what you want to say to her - providing that she's kind enough to listen - because there’s a good chance she might not be interested in anything you have to say.”

“I know,” Nico says, flopping forward dramatically. “This is such a bad idea. Love is cancelled!”

“Nope,” Nozomi says. “If you’re going to do this, I need commitment. I need the passion of an idol that's fallen over on stage and bounced back up without missing a note!”

“I tripped down a bunch of stairs on stage in my first year,” Nico says. “I totally styled it out as part of the dance.”

“Exactly!” Nozomi says. “So I need you to get ready. Rehearse your lines, practice your routine. Make sure you’re ready for when you meet again.”

Nico frowns.

“And, uh, how exactly is that gonna happen? I don't even live here anymore. It's not like I can just stroll by like, haha, wow hi Maki, fancy bumping into you outside your lab class.”

Nozomi smiles and it's a tiny bit terrifying.

“You leave that part to me.”

***

 

It's a soft knock. A delicate knock. The kind of knock that’s a fine balance between my-parents-brought-me-up-well and look-how-uninterested-I-am-in-everything, that makes Nico certain it’s her.

But of course, it's her.

Who else would it be?

“I’ll get it,” Eli calls out from the kitchen.

Nico shifts on Nozomi’s couch.

Nozomi looks at her. It’s a weighted stare that makes Nico nervous. It makes her feel like she’s about to try for an Olympic medal and Nozomi’s her coach who travelled ten thousand miles away from all seven of her tiny children to dedicate her life to helping Nico go for gold. It’s a weird feeling. A lot of pressure.

Nico’s hears Eli unlock the door. Her heart lurches.

She’s had three weeks to prepare. Three weeks to think about what she needs to say. Three weeks of sleepless sticky nights, wondering how she can scrape together enough money to flee the country when this inevitably all goes wrong. She’s played this over and over in her mind. She tried on just about every outfit in her closet trying to find the right one. She even left her hair down, hoping it might make her look more grown up.

She's thought about this so much. And now it’s really happening. Maki’s _here_. At Nozomi and Eli’s apartment. And Nico has to talk to her.

Nico hears Maki say hi to Eli. Just the sound of her voice stirs up a simultaneous rush of warmth and a panicked urge to fling herself through the ground floor window. Nico feels like all the air’s been sucked out of the room. Her throat is dry. Her hands are trembling. The aircon is blasting on full, but Nico feels anything but cool.

She’s used to nervous anticipation by now - to that trembling feeling she gets before big performances. But those are good nerves. _Excitable_ nerves. Nerves that flutter pleasantly in her stomach, that make it obvious that something amazing is about to happen. But _this_. This vibe is way more horror movie than butterflies.

“Hi!” Eli says. “It’s so good to see you.”

“Yeah,” Maki says. “You too.”

It was Nozomi’s bright idea to invite both Nico and Maki to the housewarming party they were planning on throwing anyway. Eli helped with the details. She’s the one who suggested asking Maki to come over early, which Nico’s really thankful actually. (She’d rather not be rejected in front of _all_ of Nozomi and Eli’s friends.) It was Nico’s idea to maybe not explicitly mention to Maki that she was going to be there. She just didn’t want there to be some weird build up or whatever. It seemed like a pretty good plan at the time. But now Maki's here, Nico's not so sure.

Maybe she should've called. Maybe she should’ve written the letter. Maybe she should’ve prepared a song... or an interpretive dance routine, maybe!

Nozomi pats Nico on the shoulder. She heads out into the hall.

“Maki!” Nozomi says. “Thanks for coming early.”

“It's fine,” Maki says. “Like I said, I had some free time. I brought these for the party.”

“Thanks so much,” Nozomi says. “They look great!”

“It’s not a big deal. I didn't bake them or anything.”

There's a long pause.

“Hey…” Maki says. “I thought you wanted help decorating? This place looks pretty good already.”

Nico sucks in a big breath and steps through the doorway into the hall.

“You can blame me for that,” she says.

Three faces turn to look at her, but Nico’s only focused on one. Her heart pounds hard against her chest. Maki’s right there, frozen in place. She's balancing a large tray of cupcakes and there's a bottle of some expensive-looking pink drink tucked under her arm. Her mouth twists in confusion. Her big eyes blink like she’s trying to work out if Nico’s real.

Maki's right there. And she's so _so_ pretty.

It takes Nico a moment to remember how to breathe.

She can’t remember her opening line.  A casual, “fancy meeting you here” or a chirpy ”surprise”? An informative, “I've been up since 7 AM decorating this place” or perhaps a pleading “please don't run away”?

None of those seem right, so Nico goes off script.

“Hi Maki,” she says softly.

Maki looks around at the party decorations. She looks at Eli and Nozomi and then back to Nico.

“What is this?” Maki asks. “What-”

The tray of cupcakes wobbles precariously in her hands. Eli reaches out and rescues it.

“Let me take those,” Eli says. “Thanks again for bringing them over. This was their idea, just so you know.”

“Elicchi helped,” Nozomi chirps.

Eli nudges her sharply.

“Helped with what?” Maki asks. There’s a spark of anger in her voice. “What’s going on?”

All three of them turn to face Nico. Usually, she loves being in the spotlight, but this really is something else.

But now’s not the time to shy away.

Nico raises her head and looks Maki right in the eyes. It’s something she’s done so many times before, but somehow, right now, it's spectacularly nerve-wracking.

“I’d like to talk to you about something,” Nico says. “If you'll listen.”

Maki frowns. Her face is an unreadable mix of emotions. Nico doesn’t blame her one bit for looking so confused.

She waits. It takes a long, awkward moment before Maki nods.

“Okay…”

Nozomi and Eli burst into action.

“Elicchi and I have to call out and buy some party supplies.”

“But we won’t be too long,” says Eli.

“Or too short,” says Nozomi.

“Right,” says Eli.

“See you soon!” says Nozomi.

The front door closes behind them.

Nico looks at Maki.

There’s a long, heavy beat of silence.

Nico gestures towards the living room and retreats back to her safe spot on the sofa. Maki follows her half way  She lingers in the doorway.

“So, uh,” Nico looks anywhere but at Maki. “Thanks for staying.”

Maki crosses her arms.

“I didn’t exactly have a choice.”

“Yeah,” Nico says. “I know this probably seems a little… weird.”

“A little weird?” Maki echoes incredulously. “It’s beyond weird, Nico. Luring me over here like you’ve forgotten how to text or something. What’s so important that you couldn't just message me?”

“Would you have replied?” Nico asks.

Maki looks down. 

“You’re right though,” Nico says. “It’s kind of selfish of me to just show up out of nowhere like this. So I’ll understand. If you want me to go.”

“Tell me why I’m here first,” Maki says.

She takes a few steps towards the sofa and drops down onto it. She sits as far away as possible - stiff backed, steely demeanor perfectly in place. She's so closed off it’s like she’s been rebooted to her factory settings - cool, aloof, uninterested Maki.

But she still sits down. So that's got to count for _something._

“I-” Nico hates how weak her voice sounds. She clears her throat and tries again. “I wanted to ask you something.”

“You already said that.”

“Right.” Nico laughs - brief and nervous. “How are you, by the way? Everything... going good? Enjoying third year?”

“Not to be rude,” Maki says, “But can you get to the point?”

“ _Right_ ,” Nico says again. “So, here’s the thing. I know have no right to ask you to listen to me, but-”

Nico’s stomach twists. She’s so nervous. She’s going to confess to a girl who doesn’t want to hear it and throw up right in front of her on her best friend’s carpet.

“But?” 

“But a lot happened. Back when we were, uh. You know. Spending time together. And I know it’s been a while and I’m sure it never even crosses your mind but I… l still feel really bad about the way things went down.”

Maki looks surprised for a brief moment before she sets her uninterested expression back in place.

“Is that all?” Maki asks, examining her nails. “If that’s what you’re worrying about then _don’t_. It’s really not a big deal.”

Nico huffs out a frustrated sigh. “No! That’s not all!” She sucks in a deep breath. Maki’s never going to hear her out if she loses her temper. “I just feel like I owe you an explanation.”

“You don’t owe me anything,” Maki says, shrugging. “None of that matters anymore.”

Nico tries not to be disheartened by how much it hurts to hear that.

“But I want to explain,” Nico says, more forcefully. " _Please_. I know I probably don't deserve it, but… give me five minutes?”

Maki nods reluctantly. Nico takes a breath. There's so much to say. She hardly knows where to start.

“You asked me back then, what I was so afraid of, and I know I gave you some lame answer, but the truth is, there was a _lot_. I was scared that I wouldn’t make it. Scared that I’d worked my ass off to get my grades up and to pay for college and that all that would be for nothing if I didn’t put my career first.”

“Yeah,” Maki says. “I already _know_ -”

“But it was more than just that,” Nico says, quickly. “There was _more_. All that stuff you said before about your parents… I thought that even if by some miracle we didn’t self-destruct or murder each other, then a few years down the line you’d have to go off and marry some boring rich guy and I - I was scared of how much that would hurt." Nico looks down. "But even before that. I was always being selfish. Protecting myself, trying not to get too close... I genuinely thought there was something wrong with me. Because it’s not that I didn’t want to, Maki. I just - I just didn’t know _how_ -”

“Why?” Maki asks quietly. “Why are you telling me this now?”

“Because you deserve to know.” Nico looks up. She holds Maki’s gaze. “Because I’m not scared anymore. Or, like, I am, but it’s _different_. Now I’m just scared that I pushed you so far away that we can’t even be regular friends that don’t make out. I’m scared that you’ll never forgive me. I’m scared that it’s way too late to turn up out of nowhere and tell you all this because why would you care? God, you must think I'm so _stupid_ for saying all this now-”

Maki blinks her pretty eyes. She drags her fingers through her hair so roughly that Nico wonders if she’s trying to dig directly into her scalp to find a response. She still looks cautious, but Nico can see some cracks in the barricade she's built.

So Nico keeps going. She keeps going because Maki hasn't stopped her yet and there’s the tiniest glimmer of warmth in her cautious eyes. Nico thinks that may be if she just keeps talking, she'll strike on something that actually makes her _react_.

And even if Maki recoils in disgust. Even if she laughs in Nico’s face.

At least she’ll know she tried.

“We got off to a rough start,” Nico says. “You know all that. I’d never met anyone like you before. No one had ever made me feel so angry or so turned on. I thought I was super smart - thought I knew exactly what I was doing and then - then something weird happened _.You_ happened. Spending time with you was, like, the highlight of my day. The more you opened up to me, the more I realised how wrong I was about you. But I kept pretending. Pretending I didn't feel anything, pretending it would never work, pretending all I wanted was sex when really I just wanted _you_. To be close to you and to laugh with you and to fight about over dumb things with you. I wanted all of it and I still do and I should’ve told you _months_ ago and I'm - I'm sorry. I’m sorry I'm selfish and dishonest and I’m telling you all this when you’ve already moved on. I just wanted you to know that it was real. I know it doesn’t matter to you anymore but I just-” Nico’s voice cracks. “I just-”

“Stop,” Maki says. “That’s enough.”

Nico sniffs. She pressed her fingers against her wet cheek. _Great_. More tears. When did she become such a crybaby?

“Breathe,” Maki says.

“I-”

“Breathe,” Maki says again.

“I just-”

“Stop!” Maki says. “You’ve said enough already.”

Nico’s said so much her throat feels raw. She rubs at her damp eyes. 

“Then you say something,” Nico whispers.

“Just... give me a minute,” Maki mutters. “It’s kind of… it’s a lot to process.”

Nico nods. She watches her anxiously, silently begging Maki to put her out of her misery. She has no idea what Maki’s thinking. She’s equal parts desperate and terrified to find out.

It’s a long torturous moment before Maki speaks.

“What bothers me,” she says, “Is you keep saying what I want and what I don’t want, but have you thought to _ask_ me?”

Nico blinks.

“You’re just making assumptions,” Maki says. “You haven’t asked me once how I feel about all this.”

Because it’s a scary question.

But Nico’s done being scared.

“How… how do you feel about all this?”

“How do you think I feel? You tricked me into coming over here with your fake party decorating when you could've just called, dropped all this on me out of nowhere-”

Nico stiffens. She braces herself.

Maki’s face softens.

“But you still…” Maki frowns like she’s still processing it. “You like me?”

“I don’t just like you, Maki,” Nico says softly. “I _adore_ you.”

Maki’s lip wobbles and Nico has to stop herself from reaching out to her. She shouldn’t get her hopes up but there's this warmth behind Maki's gaze and does that - could that mean -

“I know I’m dumb,” Nico says, “And annoying. And stubborn. And-”

The corners of Maki’s lips curl up into a smile.

“Go on,” she says.

“I’m pouring my heart out here!” Nico wails. “Do you have to be so cold?”

Maki reaches out and touches Nico’s cheek with the tips of her fingers.

“Sorry,” Maki says, and her voice is so _soft_ . “I’m just kind of… surprised. There’s this girl. She’s a handful with a giant ego, but she’s cute. _Really_ cute. She’s a thoughtful friend and caring big sister and…” Maki takes a shaky breath. “And I’ve loved her for a long time. I’d given up on the idea of us ever being together. I thought there was no way. But even though I’m dumb and annoying and stubborn I think - I could be wrong here but - I think she wants to be with me?”

Nico’s fill up with tears so fast that her vision blurs. That’s her... right? Is Maki really talking about Nico?

Maki takes her hand. Nico dares to squeeze back.

“Nico,” Maki says, “You wanted to ask me something?”

Nico nods.

“Maki,” she says. “I-” Her voice cracks. She coughs. “One sec,” she croaks.

Nico grabs a large gulp from the glass of water on the table. ( _So_ not cool.)

“Okay.” Nico clears her throat. “Maki, I know I’m a billion years too late, but… I love you. Like _really_ love you. I don’t just want to date you, I want to spend my life with you. I want to be with you for as long as you'll have me. I want to take care of you and hold your hand and go on lots of dates and tell everyone who’ll listen that you’re my super hot girlfriend. Sex wouldn’t be a priority, though it might be a benefit. So… what do you say?”

Maki’s eyes fill with tears. She quickly covers her face with her hands but she can't hide the sound of her noisy, messy sobs.

“Is that a yes?” Nico asks. “Or, like, have I read the mood totally wrong here and you’re crying because you want me to go away?”

Maki laughs. She slowly uncovers her face.

“It’s a yes, you idiot.”

Nico dives across the couch and flings her arms around Maki. She presses her face into the crook of Maki’s neck and breathes her in. She's wanted to do this for so, _so_ long. Maki takes her hand again. Their fingers twist together. Maki's thumb ghosts over Nico’s pulse like she’s checking she’s real. Maki's shoulders are shaking and Nico’s not sure if she’s laughing or crying and they're both a mess and it's an awkward angle, but somehow, everything feels _right_.

Nico doesn't ever want to let go. But even though she has an overwhelming urge to kiss every single tear off Maki’s pretty face, she can't get carried away just yet.

“So, okay, wait a sec,” Nico says, leaning back. “What happened to you, like, moving on and being _so over it?”_

Maki coils a thick strand of hair around her finger.

“Well,” Maki says, shifting awkwardly. “I guess it was more like I _accepted_ it. I knew there was no chance it would ever happen but… well, I guess you always were full of surprises. I did try to get over it. Believe me, I tried. But you’re... kind of impossible to forget, you know.”

“Oh-” Nico says, “So you mean - when you said-”

“I didn’t want you to stay for me,” Maki says, looking down. “You seemed to have this weird impression that you could only pick one so I uh. I thought I’d make things easier for you.”

Nico’s speechless for a long moment. She prods Maki’s shoulder so sharply that she yelps.

“You selfless dumbass,” Nico wails. “I’m taking all my tears back!”

Maki prods her back.

“Give me mine back first!”

Nico feels a rush of guilt. She reaches out and touches Maki's wet face.

“I’m sorry,” she says. “For making you cry. For _everything_.”

“I’m sorry too,” Maki says. “I should’ve just… talked to you.”

“Geez,” Nico says. “For two people who were supposed to be keeping things simple, we sure did make things complicated, huh?”

“I'm pretty sure we broke every single rule," Maki says.

“Right? I kind of wish I could just go back to that first night in the park and just, you know, ask you out like a regular person.”

Maki’s mouth twists into a smile.

“I probably would’ve said no.” 

Nico smirks back.

She _definitely_ wouldn’t have asked.

“Well, at least now you've come to your senses.” Nico strikes a pose. “Go on. I know it’s been a while. Take a moment to appreciate my beauty.”

Maki laughs.

“Your makeup has run. You look _terrifying._ ”

“But cute?” Nico says. “Terrifyingly cute, right?”

Nico flutters her eyelashes. Maki leans in for a closer look. She hums.

“A tiny bit cute,” she says. “But mostly very, very scary.”

“Well you're not much better,” Nico says defensively.

She boops Maki's red nose with her finger. Maki leans back.

“By the way…” Maki says. “That stuff you said. You know, being worried about me marrying someone my parents approve of or whatever…”

Nico freezes. _Oh_.

“It’s true that there are things that are out my control, but I don’t mind it that much. Medical school and the whole family hospital thing... it’s a challenge. I can help people. I’m not against it or anything. What I’m trying to say is - it’s never really been an issue for me. There’s never really been anything I wanted more.”

Nico frowns.

“Not even music?”

Maki shrugs.

“No one’s ever taking that away from me. I don't have to study it to enjoy it. In fact, I probably enjoy it more because I don’t have to study it. I’ve always been happier doing my own thing than I have being told what to do.”

“You've got that right,” says Nico.

Maki huffs. “I didn't interrupt _you_.”

Nico presses a finger against her lips and smiles sweetly, so it’s clear that she’s a good listener and a perfect angel.

“Anyway. My point is - I want this. I want _you_. I'm probably clinically insane, considering everything that's happened but… I’m not going to back down on this one. I'll tell them that if I have to. I’m not going to drop you for someone else because there _is_ no one else. We’re in this together, Nico. So don’t worry. You're - you’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

Maki’s fiercely determined face is the cutest thing that Nico’s ever seen. There's a strength in her eyes that makes Nico feel sure that things will be okay. They’re over the hard part now. Things are surreal and kind of delicate, but somehow - despite everything - Nico knows they're going to be okay.

Nico reaches out with both hands. Her fingertips stroke over Maki’s cheeks.

“You’re so cute, Maki,” she says.  “You’re so, so cute.”

Maki flushes so hard that it reaches the tips of her ears. Nico realises that she was wrong before. Maki’s soft, embarrassed expression is even _cuter_.

Nico can’t believe this is real. She's practically vibrating with nerves and excitement. She has to suppress the urge to leap up and do a triumphant lap around the room and maybe text her Mama. She only resists because Maki’s right there looking so much more tempting.

“Hey,” Nico whispers, “Can I kiss you?”

“You don’t have to _ask_ ,” Maki says. “Don’t make it all embarrassing.”

“Sorry, I just feel like… I dunno.” Nico giggles and it rings out a little manic. “Kind of nervous?”

Maki takes one Nico's hands in her own. Her thumb brushes over Nico’s palm.

“Don't be,” she says.

Nico’s heart flips and flips again because Maki’s leaning closer and closer and Nico barely has time to catch her breath before they meet somewhere in the middle and their lips touch. It’s every possible cliche about sparks and fireworks. It’s a burst of bright light that starts in Nico’s chest and warms her right down to the tips of her toes. It’s soft and it’s sure and it’s _everything_.

Nico’s pulse is racing so fast that you'd think she’d never kissed anyone before. You'd think she’d never kissed _Maki_ before. Nico’s usually pretty confident with this stuff and yet suddenly she feels so nervous. She doesn’t know what to do with her hands. They hover clumsily until they settle on Maki's back. She tries to be gentle. She doesn’t want to rush this or push too hard. She doesn't want to get this wrong again. She just wants Maki to know how much this means to her. Because _seriously_. It means the world and the stars and the whole entire universe.

Nico kisses Maki’s nose and her wet cheeks and her forehead and her mouth. Nico's missed her mouth so _much_. Nico never even dared to dream this would happen again - not even for a second. But it _is_ happening. By some freaking miracle, Maki wants this. She tugs Nico close a little too quickly and their heads bump together and Maki laughs against her mouth and Nico’s so happy, just to hear her laugh again. Maki’s face is wet and her hands are clumsy and it’s _perfect_. This is the kind of messy that Nico likes.

Nico's kind of preoccupied with all the crying and the laughing and the kissing every inch of Maki's face, so it’s really not a surprise that she totally misses the sound of the keys in the front door. She doesn’t even detach herself from Maki until she hears a soft “oops” and the sound of the living room door closing.

Nico leans back. Maki smiles and smoothes down her hair.

“It’s okay!” Nico calls out. “You can come in!”

The door opens a crack and two hopeful faces peer around it.

“Well...?” says Nozomi.

“Did you have a nice talk?” Eli asks.

The door opens wider. Nico squeezes Maki's hand and smiles.

“Have you guys met my girlfriend?” she asks.

Moments later, all four of them are squashed onto a two seat sofa and Nico’s squished against Maki with Eli’s arms crushed around them both and Nozomi’s large bosom pressed into her back. When Maki protests, Nozomi and Eli only squeeze them both tighter.

“Well, it’s about time,” Nozomi says when she finally releases them from her gentle death grip.

“I’m so glad you finally worked things out!” says Eli. “Do you know how much you made us _suffer?_ ”

“Sorry,” Nico says. “I owe you guys. _Big._ ”

Nozomi and Eli high five. They both beam like proud parents at a school talent show.

“Why do I feel like you're happier than we are about this?” Maki asks.

“Because we _are_ ,” says Nozomi.

“Not possible,” Nico says sharply. She feels her cheeks get hotter when everyone in the room turns to look at her. “Nico’s the happiest.”

Maki’s face is just about the same colour as her hair now. There’s a chorus of endearment.

“Does anyone want a drink?” Nozomi asks,standing up. “Because I feel like we’ve earned one.”

“Me.” Eli follows Nozomi out the room. “ _Please_.”

Maki leans closer to Nico. Her fingers trail across Nico's thigh. Her touch so familiar and so long overdue that Nico's whole body trembles.

“Do you wanna get out of here soon?” Maki asks. “Just… spend some time together?”

“Maki,” Nico whispers. “I'm shocked. We've only been dating three minutes.”

“You two better not be sneaking off!” Nozomi calls out. “You’ve got a party to attend first!”

“Wait, the party's real?” Maki asks, looking around. “It's a real party?”

“What,” Nico says, “You thought we just decorated and prepared all that food to keep up the illusion?”

Maki crosses her arms and huffs.

“I don't know how your minds work?”

“It’s a real party,” Eli says, strolling back into the room. “So you should both go get cleaned up before the other guests arrive because, in the nicest possible way, neither of you look particularly presentable.”

Nico looks at Maki’s smeared mascara and her cute red nose. She can only imagine what she’s going to see when she looks in the mirror.

She climbs to her feet and tugs Maki up with her.

“Hey Maki,” Nico practically purrs. “Come help me get cleaned up in the bathroom?”

“One at a time,” says Eli sternly.

“There'll be time for that later,” Nozomi calls out.

“What are you implying?” Nico pouts. “Nico’s not that easy.”

She winks at Maki and pushes her towards the bathroom.

“Hands where I can see them!” Eli calls out after them. “And leave the door open!”

***

 

It’s a nice party with a nice grown-up vibe - enough people to create a fun atmosphere, not so many that it's overwhelming. It's a clear, warm night. The music is good. The food is _great_. The garden lights up so pretty when the sun goes down.

Nico loves any chance she gets to catch up with old friends and make new ones. But nothing - _nothing_ \- brings her as much joy as Maki's increasing embarrassment when Nico introduces Maki as her girlfriend to just about anyone who'll listen. Maki looks startled when Honoka and Kotori actually burst into applause. She looks embarrassed when her cute friend Hanayo takes a picture with them like they're some celebrity couple. She looks irritated when Rin dives onto them both so forcefully that they all tumble back onto the grass outside  (But she does laugh. _Eventually_.)

It’s a good time. A _great_ time. Though to be honest, Nico feels like she could probably be anywhere right now and she’d still feel overjoyed.

Nico feels like a giddy teenager. She can’t even contain her excitement. She keeps her eye out for comfortable looking dark corners and imagines what it would be like to push Maki into them. She sneaks kisses in the kitchen when Nozomi’s not looking and makes eyes at Maki from across the room even when she _is_.

At one point Nico’s sultry gaze is so powerful that Maki almost chokes on her drink. So powerful that it makes Umi raise her eyebrows so high they almost disappear into her hairline. So powerful that Maki storms over to tell Nico off for being both distracting and inappropriate. (Not that Nico minds. Pissed off Maki has always been kind of _hot_.)

Maki can pretend to be annoyed all she wants, but she’s definitely having as much fun as Nico is. When she looks at Nico from across the room, her smile is so genuine that Nico's heart almost bursts. When she's close, she drives Nico crazy with how tactile she is. With fingers that brush down her arm, or stray to her cheek, or tuck a strand of hair behind Nico's ear when she thinks no one’s watching.

And _sure_ , it’s been established that it's not just about the physical stuff. Nico loves Maki for her sharp mind and her sharp mouth. But that doesn't mean she can’t appreciate her other qualities too. That doesn't mean she's not a tiny bit tempted to press Maki back against the wall when she brushes right past Nico with her short shorts and her long legs.

Nico knows it wasn’t an accident. Not when Maki glances back over her shoulder and looks at Nico with those eyes that make her _melt_.

Maki disappears outside and Nico follows her.

She’d follow Maki anywhere.

***

 

They’re all gathered in the garden under the stars. Maki’s sitting on a plastic chair and Nico's in her lap because there aren't enough chairs to go around. Because a girl with Nico’s superstar status shouldn’t be sitting on the floor. Because Maki’s warm and comfy and Nico can’t get close enough.

There aren't many party people left. Nico looks around and counts nine of them - including herself. Nine cute girls.

Honoka, Kotori, and Rin are yelling over some mobile game. Nozomi’s telling a story that Nico’s heard before.

Maki’s skin is cool in the night air but it's soft and smooth. Nico's missed running her fingers across it. She’s never exactly been one for public displays of affection (an idol’s lips are sacred, after all) but she can’t help herself. Nico slides her hands over Maki's back again. Her fingers dip under the hem of her shirt and slide up towards her waist because it’s not like anyone’s watching -

“Hands where I can see them, Nicocchi!”

Nico glares over her shoulder and positions her middle finger so it’s pointed up, exactly where Nozomi can see it.

“Don’t be rude,” Maki chides.

“ _You're_ rude,” says Nico.

Maki smirks and Nico reads a lot into it. Definitely flirting. Like she's saying, _I could be._

Nico fakes a yawn.

“Hey, are you sleepy? Because I'm just _. So_ sleepy.”

Nico holds Maki's gaze. The way she looks back gives Nico butterflies.

“Yeah,” Maki says. “I am tired actually.”

“I was gonna stay over here but-” Honoka and Rin shriek simultaneously. “How’s Nico gonna get any beauty sleep with all this noise?”

“It is pretty loud,” Maki says. “I don't mind if you crash at my place.”

“I don’t know.” Nico bites her lip. “A sleepover when we’ve only just got together? Isn’t that a little inappropriate?”

“There’s always the couch,” Maki says.

Nico grins wickedly.

“Of course there is,” she says.

Nico stands and stretches. Maki does the same.

“Going somewhere?” Eli asks.

The chatter dies down and suddenly it feels like everyone is looking at them.

“Sorry,” Nico says, “This was super fun. But Nico’s so-” she fakes another yawn. “We’re _both_ just so tired.”

She looks at Maki who promptly nods.

“Yeah,” says Maki. “It’s been a long day.”

“And I'm sure you two have a lot of catching up to do,” Nozomi says.

There’s a brief exchange of knowing looks and suggestive grins. Maki looks embarrassed. Umi’s eyes go wide. She looks between the two of them.

“Oh,” she says. “Are you two dating?”

“ _Exclusively_ ,” Nico says. “Thanks for not being interested, by the way.”

Umi blinks. She looks bewildered.

“I’m not sure what you mean?”

“Don’t worry about it.” Nico winks.

Umi turns to Kotori. “Do you know what she means?”

Nico laughs. Maki tugs on her arm.

“Okay, gotta go, have fun, bye~”

***

 

Maki’s out of practice. She's not ready for Nico when she leaps up and wraps her legs tight around Maki’s hips and sends them both crashing back down onto her conveniently soft mattress.

Nico’s out of practice. She's not ready for how good Maki’s lips feel on her neck and how sexy her voice sounds when it's a soft murmur right next to her ear.

All her vocal training should’ve done wonders for Nico’s lung capacity, but somehow she’s already completely breathless. Didn't Nico use to be better at this? Didn't they use to kiss for what felt like _hours_? She's kissed Maki so many times before. But everything about this feels different.

Nico gasps as Maki's fingers trail over her bare thigh. She smacks her hand away.

“Take it slow, Maki. Nico’s a lady.”

“Oh?” Maki says. “Waiting for someone special?”

“Uh huh. Nico would never do anything like that until at least the fifth date.”

“I can respect that,” Maki says. “We wouldn't want to rush into anything.”

“I'm so glad you understand. People these days are all about quick thrills and casual sex, but I’m probably gonna wait until marriage. Call me old fashioned, but Nico’s just all about taking things slow.”

“Slow, huh?” Maki says. “I can do slow.”

The way Maki flips Nico over onto her back is anything but slow. But she sits up and she straddles Nico’s hips, and she _does_ take off her shirt off at an alarmingly slow rate, so Nico will give her that one. The room feels hotter. Nico’s mouth feels dry. Maki’s all lithe muscles and soft skin and Nico can’t look away. Her eyes trail down over her full breasts and her smooth stomach and Nico promptly forgets how to breathe. _Again_.

“Holy shit, Maki. I kind of forgot how gorgeous you are. I mean, not forgot, but like. You're more real in real life, you know. I mean, _of course_ you are. What am I saying-”

Maki’s lips curl up into a smile.

“Nervous?” she asks.

“Nico doesn’t get nervous.”

Nico pretty sure her red face is not helping prove her point. Maki prowls over her, hovering above her on all fours. Nico could totally see down the front of her bra if she allowed herself a good look. She could totally see what’s _under_ her bra if her shaking hands would just reach out and do their damn job.

“It doesn't suit you,” Maki says. “Being shy.”

“I’m _not_. This is all just.” Nico thinks. “Kinda new for me, I guess?”

“You’ve kissed me before,” Maki says.

Nico reaches out for Maki.

“Not like _this_.”

Nico leans up so she can reach Maki’s mouth. She brings her crashing down, so the weight of her body presses Nico into the mattress. It’s less delicate this time. More _urgent_. Nico can feel Maki’s heartbeat and she’s kind of relieved to find that it’s pounding just as wildly as her own. She hooks a leg around Maki’s waist and tugs her in her closer. She just can’t get close enough. She can’t get over how much she’s _missed_ this.

Nico’s not letting her go this time. She’s never pushing Maki away again. When she pulls her close, she’ll keep her there. She'll only pull back if it’s completely necessary. You know, for pesky little details like breathing.

“Do you ever just wanna go back in time and tell yourself to not be dumb? Because seriously,” Nico says. “I was sooooo dumb.”

“Nico,” Maki says. Her lips press against Nico’s neck. “Stop being so hard on yourself. I messed up too.”

“I just-”

“I know.”

“ _I love you.”_

Nico feels Maki smile against her skin.

“I know.”

Maki kisses her collarbone this time. Nico's fingers trail through Maki's hair. She's amused to find that it really _did_ get longer. Her hands roam further down Maki’s back, skimming lower and lower until Nico feels her inhale sharply.

“I want you,” Nico murmurs, by her ear.

“What happened to taking things slow?”

“About that,” Nico says. “I’m pretty sure all those times before count and technically it’s been over a year since we first met so-”

Maki takes Nico’s hand and presses it between her legs. Nico can feel the heat even through her shorts. She wants this so _much_. 

“Touch me?” Maki whispers.

“I thought you’d never ask.”

Maki hisses from just the lightest press of Nico’s fingers. Nico tugs open the button on her shorts. They always were good at fumbling their way out of their clothes. Nico gets most of those unnecessary garments discarded in no time. When she flips Maki onto her back, she's wearing nothing but her panties. It feels even better now, without any clothes in the way. Nico wants to soak up all the heat from Maki’s skin.

She touches Maki again, fingers pressing down the front of her underwear. There's nothing in the way this time. She’s so _wet_.

“There?” asks Nico.

“ _There_ ,” breathes Maki.

“I missed this,” Nico says. “Missed _you_.”

“I missed you too,” Maki says. “So _much._ ”

“I’m here now,” Nico says. She kisses Maki’s neck. Her fingers slip inside so _easily._ “I’m here. You’re not getting rid of me.”

“Is this a bad time to tell you,” Maki breathes out, “That I’m not really looking for anything serious?”

Maki laughs. Nico digs her teeth into Maki’s shoulder and makes her yelp.

“Now,” Nico says, crooking her fingers, “Is _not_ the time for jokes.”

Maki gasps but then she laughs again and Nico can’t decide if her sudden silly mood is annoying or adorable, but she does know that she’s not about to waste her dexterous expertise on someone that’s collapsed over in giggles.

Nico removes her fingers. Maki catches her breath. Nico sucks a finger into her mouth and the taste gives her this idea. Nico’s pretty sure Maki’s thinking what she’s thinking. She’s not laughing anymore.

Nico hooks her fingers under the elastic of Maki’s panties and tugs them _up_ , feeling a rush of satisfaction when the friction makes her squirm. She shifts down, close enough to scrape her teeth over Maki’s thigh. Close enough to lick between her legs and taste how soaked she is, even through the fabric of her underwear. Close enough to tease Maki with her soft tongue and softer lips until her thighs start to tremble and her breath rasps out  _hard._

Maki starts to push down her underwear. Nico pushes her hand away.

“ _Wait_ ,” Nico says. “Not until I say.”

Maki’s reaction is _exactly_ what Nico hoped it would be. Her favourite sound in the whole entire universe. That impatient, needy little whine that sets her whole world on fire.

"It’s been so _long._ ” Maki’s fingers twist in Nico’s hair. “ _Nico-”_

How can Nico resist her when she says her name like _that_?

Nico pushes down Maki's underwear. Very. _Very_. Slowly. Maki kicks them across the room the moment they reach her ankles.

“You're so impatient tonight.” Nico smirks.

“Because someone’s taking _hours."_

“ _Y_ _ou’re_ the one that ruined the mood in the first place! This one’s on you, Nishikino.”

Maki rolls her eyes. She checks an imaginary watch. She even goes so far as to fake a yawn.

“Tired?” Nico asks.

“Yeah,” Maki says. “Maybe I’ll just go to sleep.”

Nico puts her hands on Maki’s trembling hips and presses them down into the mattress.

“Then I’ll have to make sure you have _very_ sweet dreams.”

Nico pushes at Maki’s thighs, spreading her legs wide. Thick heat coils in Nico’s stomach. She can _see_ how wet Maki is. Maki groans when Nico finally, _finally_ puts her mouth on her. She tastes just as good as Nico remembers, and Nico has to remind herself not to rush. She wants to take her time on this one. She wants to eat Maki out for _hours._

Maki’s hand trails through Nico’s hair and it feels so _nice_. Nico flicks her tongue and she’s not sure anything’s ever brought her as much satisfaction as the way that Maki’s hisses her name in that raspy voice.

Nico looks up and Maki’s face is so flushed. Her hair is splayed across the pillow. She’s so _pretty_ that it almost hurts to look directly at her. She’s like a solar eclipse - rare and kind of blinding. Nico could look at her all night.

“Nico,” Maki gasps. “I wanna taste you too.”

Nico moves her mouth back just long enough to respond.

“You’ll get your turn,” Nico says. 

Maki pushes Nico’s head back.

“ _Now_ ,” Maki says.

Heat twists low in Nico’s stomach.

 _Oh_.

Maki raises an expectant eyebrow. Nico used hate it when she went into haughty, demanding princess mode, but she’s got to admit. She’s _seriously_ weak to it right now.

That’s why Nico doesn’t hesitate. That’s why she climbs up onto all fours and turns herself around, even though it’s a seriously embarrassing position, having Maki’s face so close to her… no. There’s no time to feel self-conscious. Nico turns her head to glance back at Maki and it’s so worth it, just to see her make that face. 

Nico’s fingers trail gently over Maki’s thigh. She leans back down and her hair flips forward. Maki giggles as the ends of Nico’s hair tickles her legs. Nico sits back up and ties it into an efficient high ponytail.

She looks back at Maki again.

“Always be prepared,” she winks.

“You’re so _hot_ ,” Maki hisses.

Nico gasps as Maki tugs her close by her hips and licks down the length of her pussy.

Nico whimpers. For a long moment, she forgets how to do anything except rock her hips back harder because Maki’s tongue is lapping greedily against her and it’s so good that it’s _obscene._ It’s been _such_ a long time. For a long moment, Nico can’t do anything but moan pathetically. And then she remembers that whole _together_ thing. And she remembers how good Maki tastes.

She drops her head back down between Maki’s legs and spreads her lips and licks her clit and Maki moans right against her and Nico feels the vibrations and it’s so hot that Nico almost comes right then and there.

Nico’s nails dig into Maki’s thigh. Maki’s fingers grip her ass, drag Nico closer. They find a rhythm and it's to intense that Nico has to pull away for a moment just to catch her breath.

“Maki,” she rasps out, “Fucking -  _Ohhh_ \- Fuck-”

“See,” Maki says. “I told you-” she inhales sharply. “ _Fuck._  That feels so-”

“Less talking,” Nico says. “Less - _ohhhhhh. God.”_

Nico teases over Maki’s clit again and she almost dies when Maki's tongue does the exact same thing against her own. Nico can taste her getting wetter. They’re so loud. There’s less finesse this way. Nico’s technique is _way_ messier. Nico can’t see Maki’s face, but she can _feel_ her - in every grind of her hips, every tremble, every gasping sound. She can taste how close Maki’s getting and it’s so _fucking_ hot. Nico wants to do this everyday for the rest of her _life_.

“I love you,” Maki gasps out. “I-”

Nico wants to say it back but she can’t stop - not when Maki’s so close. She tries to say it with her body instead. Tries to write it directly on Maki's skin.  _I love you. I adore you._  Nico wants their worlds to collide together - not by happenstance, like that first time - but by _choice._

Nico’s not sure it’s never felt this good before except maybe on that last night in their hotel room. Only this time, it’s better. This time, there’s nothing left to hold back. Everything she has is Maki's, if she wants it.

Maki’s hips arch up off the mattress and her whole body starts to shudder and her voice is so perfect that it’s enough to take Nico to that place where it’s all bright lights and stars.

Nico knows how it's supposed to feel. Earth shattering. Like she's falling apart. Bursting open at the seams.

But this isn’t anything like that.

This feels like every fragment of Nico is clicking into place. Like she’s putting herself back together. Like she's exactly where she's supposed to be.

Like she finally feels whole.

There's a sudden burst of noise outside the window. Nico pushes herself up and looks at Maki. Her chest rises and falls rapidly.

She looks so startled. So messy. So _hot_.

There's another round of crackling bangs. Nico sees it this time - the flashes of lights outside the blinds.

Maki blinks in confusion. “Is that-?”

Nico laughs. _Hard._

Of course. It makes perfect sense. What else would it be on a hot weekend at the start of summer?

“Fireworks,” Nico beams.

She twists open the blinds. Maki squawks and ducks under the covers for modesty, but it’s a total overreaction. It’s a high rise building. Who’s going to see them? Nico crawls over and cuddles up close and throws the blanket back over them. Maki's skin is so sticky. Nico kisses her cheek. And her mouth. And her mouth again because she'll never get over how hot it is to taste herself.

There's another burst of colours across the dark sky. They're so close and so pretty that Nico's just watches in awe. She twines Maki's fingers with her own.

“Can you believe we’re so good we made fireworks happen?” Nico asks.

Maki smiles so wide that Nico can feel it.

“Just so you know,” Maki says breathlessly, “This doesn't mean I _like_ you or anything.”

This time, Nico laughs.

***

 

On the list of embarrassing facts about Nico, her absolute love of snuggling is pretty near the top. It might be hard to believe since she's such a sex goddess, but she’s pretty sure basking in all that post-sex radiance with Maki has always been just as good as all that other stuff.

And today it’s even nicer. It’s a first time they've ever laid like this and not had to worry about what it all _means_.

They’re still in Maki’s bed and Nico’s tucked under her arm with her head on Maki’s chest. It’s so nice that Nico never wants to move again. Like ever. In her whole life. They’re dressed now - in shirts and underwear - because it was too hot to be under the covers and Nico refused to close the blinds because fireworks. _Fireworks!_ She also wasn’t sure they'd ever stop making up for lost time if she didn't put that boundary between them. So. Definitely a good idea. (For now.)

The aircon is blasting on full. (Nico chided Maki for not turning it on sooner. Maki pointed out that Nico jumped her before she got the chance.)

Nico props herself up onto her elbow.

“So, I’ve gotta ask. Was that the first time in a looooong time or have you finally mastered the fine art of orgasm?”

Maki’s so soft and unguarded that she doesn't even blush or protest against the question. Her mouth curls up into a smile.

“I think it’s safe to say you taught me well.”

Nico gasps and applauds.

“Maki! I’m so proud! Does it, uh.” Nico looks down at the bed sheets. “Does it work with anyone else?

Nico dares to look back at Maki. Her brows are furrowed in confusion.

“You... think there’s been anyone else?”

Nico gawps at Maki.

“There... hasn't been?”

“I mean,” Maki glances off the side, “Maybe for you but-”

Nico grabs her hand.

“Maki. I've barely even looked at anyone else since we first met. And you know how much you used to piss me off.”

The whole mattress starts to shake. Nico's momentarily alarmed before she works out it’s because Maki’s laughing. _Hard_.

“Hey,” Nico prods her. “What’s funny?”

“It's the same for me. There hasn’t been anyone. Even when I wanted to get you out of my system I - I couldn’t-” Maki shakes her head. Nico feels a thick rush of relief. “How long have we been exclusive without even realising?”

“So, I guess like,” Nico thinks, “Over a year?”

She laughs after she says it. She can’t help herself. All that time. They really are dumb.

“Geez,” she says. “No wonder our friends threw a party when we finally worked things out. I mean, they can pretend it was a housewarming-slash-Nozomi's birthday party but-”

“It was definitely in our honour.”

“Right?”

Nico nuzzles closer.

“Hey,” she says. “Do you maybe... wanna go somewhere?”

“Now?” Maki asks.

She looks appalled at the very thought of moving.

“No, not now,” Nico says. “I mean like an actual trip without all that,” she clears her throat, “Drama.”

Maki hums.

“My parents want me to attend a conference. Maybe you could come with me?”

“A conference?” Nico frowns. “Sounds kind of boring.”

“It’s in Paris.”

“P-Paris?” Nico squeaks. “We’ve been dating for less than 24 hours and you want to take me to Paris?”

Maki laughs.

“That’s gonna get old quick, you know.”

“I know.” Nico grins. “But I spent so long being all, ughhh we’re not dating, so it’s really fun to, like, actually say it. I’ve gotta tell everyone I have a sexy, genius, princess girlfriend.” She opens the window and leans her head out and takes a breath and projects her voice. “Attention universe! Nico-nii has a girlf-”

Maki tackles her back onto the bed and Nico giggles.

“Stop that,” Maki says sternly.

Her face is close. Nico can feel the warmth of her breath. Nico rolls onto her side and Maki mirrors her.

“I’m surprised you’re not shouting it from the rooftops,” Nico says. “Since you think Nico’s so perfect and all.”

Maki frowns.

“No one said anything about you being perfect. Though maybe if you had piano keys right here...”

She runs her fingers over Nico’s thigh and Nico giggles.

“Hey! That tickles!”

Maki hums a song as she moves her fingers. Nico kicks her legs.

“Stop! Imagine how annoying that'd be! You’re down there providing a luxury service and you put your hand on Nico’s thigh in a sudden rush of passion and it’s like,” Nico makes a loud off-key sound. “Let it go, Maki. It’s not a good dream.”

Maki's eyes go all big and sad. What right does she have to steal Nico’s signature move and look so cute doing it?

“I don't crush your dreams.”

“Nico doesn't crush dreams. She only stars in them.”

Maki rolls her eyes. Nico smiles.

“So, I don’t particularly want to ask,” Maki says, “But… how long do we have? When do you go back?”

“Tomorrow,” says Nico.

Maki’s face drops.

“Oh.”

“Yeah. It kinda sucks. But hey. It’s only two weeks until I’m back.”

“Oh?” Maki says. “Are you visiting again?”

“Oh!” Nico sits up abruptly. “ _Shit._ I - I didn't tell you, did I? I guess I was kind of preoccupied...”

Maki blinks in confusion.

“Tell me what?”

“There's this project. This brand new musical. All female cast. The director is amazing. Six months. Paid, of course. And it’s based in Tokyo.”

Maki jerks up into an upright position. She stares at Nico. 

“You-” she whispers. “You’re gonna be-”

“Yep! It might not be forever, but… I’m moving back to Tokyo.” Nico smiles. Maki looks like she might cry again. “But don’t get the wrong idea. It’s not like it’s because of you or anything. I mean, it’s a huge bonus now, for sure, but I already accepted weeks ago. I missed my family. I’m a Tokyo girl at heart. It would’ve been pretty embarrassing if you’d rejected me, but I figured it’s a big city so…”

Maki wraps her arm around Nico’s waist. She kisses her hard.

“You’re going to be here,” she says, shaking her head. "I thought this was going to be so tough-”

“Well,” Nico says, grinning, “I do still have to deal with your bad attitude.”

“My bad attitude?” Maki raises her eyebrows. “I think it's safe to say that you're the handful in this relationship.”

“Well, you know what they say,” Nico says, puffing out her chest. “More than a handful’s a waste.”

Maki’s eyes glance down at Nico's breasts.

“Who says that?” Maki splutters. “Who-”

Nico cackles.

“So,” Maki says quickly. “Where are you going to live?”

“Well,” Nico says. “I'm going back home for now. Cocoa took my room when I left for college so I'll probably be on a futon wherever I’ll fit for now, but it’s not so bad! I'm sure it will be fun!”

“Um,” Maki says. ‘What if you-”

Nico looks at her.

Maki presses her lips tightly together.

“What?” Nico asks.

“What?” says Maki.

“What were you going to say?”

“Nothing,” Maki says. “I just thought. No.” Maki looks down. “Forget it, okay?”

“What?” Nico asks again.

“Well,” Maki says. “There’s always... here.”

Nico stares at Maki.

“Here?” Is all Nico manages to say.

“It doesn't have to be forever,” Maki says quickly. “But the offer’s there. But don’t feel like you’re obligated to accept it or anything. I mean, I don't really mind either way.”

“You. You're asking me to-”

“It wouldn’t inconvenience me much,” Maki says. “My parents own this place so it’s not like you’d have to pay rent. So while you're in Tokyo, why don't you... stay here?”

Maki's eyes slide towards the wall. Her cheeks are so pink. She's so _cute._

“It's too much,” Nico says. “I couldn’t-”

“Consider it,” Maki says. “I guess it’s kind of selfish of me to ask. But even though your stuff gets everywhere and you always wake up at an ungodly hour, I miss having you here.”

Nico feels a rush of warmth in her chest. She smiles wide..

“I don't know about bringing my collection over,” she says. “Remember that time you nearly burned down your whole apartment with the toaster?”

“I invited _you_ ,” Maki says, “Not your collection. I don't want any of that creepy idol stuff here.”

“Well, I don't want to share an apartment with someone who doesn't know that you're supposed to clean a bathtub!”

Maki sighs in exasperation.

“I still don’t get that? Surely the water cleans it for you?”

“You’re completely hopeless.” Nico sighs and flops onto her back. “I can’t believe I’m gonna live with you.”

Maki’s head jerks towards Nico.

“Then… you want to? You’re actually going to move in?”

“Well, we hooked up pretty quickly, didn’t we? Moving in after dating for eight hours seems like the next logical step. Besides-” Nico reaches out for Maki’s hand. “I missed you. And I love you. And you have a _super_ nice apartment.”

“I love you too,” Maki says, and Nico’s heart is so full she feels like it might burst. “But if you think that means you can bring your collection-”

Nico tackles Maki back down onto the bed again.

***

 

Critical Rules for Dating:  
  
**Do not - under any circumstances - let Maki make up any rules!!!**

“Ladies and gentlemen, the captain has now switched off the seatbelt sign. Please sit back and enjoy your flight to Paris.”

Nico presses her face against the window as though the Eiffel Tower might pop up through the fluffy clouds below her. She wriggles around in her roomy first class seat and steals a glance at Maki. Her eyes are closed, which is super annoying. How can she fall asleep at a time like _this_? Nico has so much energy she’s half-considering jogging up and down the aisles. There might be at least twelve hours until they land, but there’s no way Nico’s ever going to fall asleep.

She leans over and prods Maki's cheek. Maki doesn’t even flinch. Nico tries again, and this time Maki peeps open a single eye. Nico smiles winningly. Maki opens her other eye, sighing like it's such an effort.

“What?” she asks flatly.

“I'm bored,” Nico says.

“Well, I'm tired,” Maki says. “Someone woke me up early.”

“It was a perfectly reasonable time!”

Maki reaches for her complimentary eye mask. Nico flips it out of her hand.

“Entertain me,” Nico says.

"Why?"

"You have the pleasure of my company. At least be grateful!"

Maki sighs again.

“Are you going to be like this for the whole flight?”

Nico practically bounces out of her seat.

“Of course I am! It's Christmas and it’s my first time leaving the country and my beautiful girlfriend is taking me to the most romantic city in the world!”

Maki rolls her eyes, but Nico sees right through all that fake grumpiness.

“Christmas was two days ago,” Maki says.

“Then why are you still wearing that ugly sweater?” Nico asks.

Maki flushes. It's the same one from last year. The Christmas jumper with the elves and her name embroidered on it that's even more hideous in real life. Nico usually thinks that Maki’s got a great sense of style. But clearly _not_ when it comes to Christmas.

“Admit it,” Nico says, grinning. “You’re just as excited as I am.”

A flight attendant wearing reindeer antlers hands them both a glass of free champagne. (That’s the one thing about first class that Nico can never quite get used to. You don’t have to pay for _anything_.) Maki says thank you in French. (The flight attendant is _Japanese_. What a freaking show off!)

“Okay,” Maki says, taking a sip of her drink. “Maybe I’m a _little_ excited.”

A little excited is an understatement. Maki was practically vibrating as they sat in the lounge listening to festive songs, waiting to board their flight. Nico's not sure she's ever seen her smile so much. They’ve been planning this trip for _months_. Nico’s been picking out her outfits for longer. They’re going to do the whole tourist thing and when Maki’s done with her boring conference, they’re going to spend a glamorous New Year’s Eve in _Paris_. Plus, you know. Spend plenty of time in their hotel room. Sex in another continent is totally something Nico wants to check off her list of life goals.

Nico can't wait.

She genuinely can't.

“So are we there yet? We've got to be close, right?” 

“11 hours and 55 minutes,” says Maki, tapping the flight radar on the screen in front of her.

Nico groans. She pokes at her own TV.

“Then… wanna watch a really cheesy Christmas movie?” Nico asks.

Maki’s eyes light up. _Gotcha._

“Always,” she says.

Nico hopes that she'll be able to concentrate on the movie when her own life is so much more exciting. A romantic getaway. With the most beautiful girl on the whole entire planet. Just her and Maki and -

“T-Tsubasa?!” Nico squeaks.

Nico blinks a couple of times to check her eyes aren’t deceiving her. Tsubasa turns her head. It really is her, standing in the aisle looking effortlessly chic in a stylish beret.

" _B_ _onjour_ ,” she says. “What a small world!”

“Wow," Nico says. "I-It really is."

Nico's stomach twists. She’s _so_ unprepared for an impromptu meeting with someone so cool. Tsubasa looks way more glamorous than anyone on a long haul flight should. Meanwhile, Nico’s wearing no makeup and her comfiest, fluffiest socks. She tugs her complimentary blanket up higher to hide the fact that she’s wearing her _own_ hideously embarrassing Christmas sweater. (It’s not like she wanted to wear it - Maki made her! And, sure, okay, it’s super cosy, but it has her name embroidered on it. It _matches_. Maki’s so into Christmas that she gave it to Nico as an early present back in November and Nico's been stuck having to wear it ever since.)

“So,” Nico says, tugging the blanket so high it practically reaches her chin. “France, huh? Are you taking a vacation?” 

Tsubasa shakes her head.

“I’m flying out for a photoshoot,” she says. “You?”

“Conference,” Maki says.

“ _Exciting_ ,” Tsubasa says. “Be sure to let me know if you get lonely, okay?”

Nico tries not to read too much into it, but there’s something a little intimidating about the way Tsubasa smiles and her eyes linger on Maki. She probably doesn’t even notice the strength of her own sex appeal. It's not her fault she comes across as a genetically enhanced super lesbian.

“We’ve actually got a pretty full itinerary,” Maki says.

“Yeah,” Nico says. “We’ve got a lot planned! It the first trip out of the country together, but it’s funny, really, because it’s not actually our first trip _away_ together, because that was back before we got together and-” Both Tsubasa and Maki look at her strangely. “So. F-France, huh?"

Tsubasa looks surprised.

“Oh," she says.  _"_ I didn't even realise the two of you were dating? So, how long have you been together? Who asked who? How did you _meet_?”

Nico looks at Maki.

Maki shifts in her seat. “It's kind of a-”

“Long story,” says Nico.

“It might,” Maki says, flushing. “Might take a while to explain.”

Tsubasa drops down into an empty nearby seat.

“Well luckily for us, it’s a long flight.” She smiles winningly.

Nico looks at Maki again. She’s so impossibly cute, even in her hideous sweater. After six months she should be used to it, but when Maki smiles the warmth of it still gives Nico butterflies. 

Nico sits up straighter. She clears her throat dramatically.

“It started,” she says, “With spaghetti.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> excuse me for a sec because this is gonna get long and embarrassing but i just want to say thanks so much to everyone that's read this! i've had such a blast writing this silly, self-indulgent continuation of a trashy oneshot and it's genuinely been a treat to receive such positive feedback :) i know this fic is far from perfect, but this it's honestly been a bit of a personal achievement for me because it's the longest piece of writing i've ever completed in my life (my second longest is a oneshot that's shorter than this chapter alone haha) and i've always been pretty intimidated at the thought of taking on a longer multi-chaptered story but somehow it's finished??
> 
> this fic probably wouldn't exist if it wasn't for a certain fic author commenting on 'let's be friends' and planting the idea of continuing it in my head, and i probably wouldn't have been so quick to split it into chapters if i hadn't wanted to have something ready to enter into a cool nkmk giveaway, and i _definitely_ wouldn't have had the confidence to make this about 50k longer than i'd originally planned if it wasn't for all your very kind comments so... thank you nicomaki fandom for enabling me so beautifully! i always feel like i arrived super late to the party with this ship so it's been a pleasure to be able to chat to some of you and make some new friends along the way :)
> 
> i'm not sure what comes next, but honestly nicomaki have got me Good so i'd say there's a good chance we will meet here again someday. though after a solid 8 months of working on this almost daily (i write so slow...) i think i'm gonna pour myself a strong drink and catch up on some sleep first! anyway, i really hope this was worth suffering through and i hope you all have a happy 2018! 
> 
> so thank you again for reading :') i'd love to hear what you thought and uhhh if anyone ever spots me taking on a long fic again, can someone please remind me to aim for reasonable length chapters next time


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